This blog will probably end up being mostly ranting so if you don't care to read that sort of thing turn the page now. Sorry. I am normally a pretty happy and positive person but I am just SO FRUSTRATED right now. 1. I am so beyond frustrated and fed up with not losing weight. I'm STILL 35 pounds overweight after being on spark for oh, what about three years now? And I'd think with all I do I would be thinner by now. I look around and everywhere I see women thinner than me that don't do ANYTHING or put ANY effort into it and are just naturally skinny. I don't get it. Why can't it come easy to me? Why can't I know the magic secret? I *try* and eat healthy, I lift weights, I run cross country, I work 2 jobs, AND own a farm and nursery where I am CONSTANTLY moving. I don't know what the "trick" is, but I haven't figured it out yet. I mean c'mon already. So I get the whole input versus output thing, eat less than you burn and you'll lose weight. Well for me it's not working. If I don't exercise I can usually keep my calories around 15 or 1600, however I don't lose weight when I eat that, plus it's REALLY hard for me to keep them that few... And granted I do slip up sometimes and have more bad days than I'd like, but with all I do I'm STILL fat. I mean C'MON already! So when I ADD exercise to that equation I get hungrier and hungrier and then end up eating what my body feels is "normal" which is around 22-2500, and well DUH I'm not losing weight on that either. Am I eating too much? Or too little? Who knows. I'm inclined to think still too much... I *try* to keep them about 17-1900 if I'm exercising hard, but that seems really hard to do too. I'm ALWAYS hungry.... yet I *try* to eat healthy. Lean meats, brown rice, veggies, lots of fiber and water, yadda yadda. YET I'm STILL 35 pounds overweight. I don't drink soda and I almost never drink juice, I do eat out a bit which I am working on... oh and I mostly drink water or non-fat milk. So weather it's 1500 calories or 2500 I'm not losing, and I run freaking cross country for goshsakes! I don't want to be the hottest, or the fittest, or the fastest, I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!! Can I scream on here??? NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can so many girls be thin and not do anything while I work my ass off to be fat!!! My NEXT rant... 2. So I met the new cross country coach today; the one I've been training with for the last three years is gone now. Wait lemme digress a second. I saw one of the girls I ran cross country with and she's all I gained 10 pounds since last semester and I'm like really where... seriously she has like the best body ever. EVERY girl wants to be her. Seriously... am I allowed to post a picture of her? She's not on spark, is that illegal? I want her body, not like I want her, but can I have her body? Can we be twins? Seriously. Ok back to the new coach. I REALLY like her. She seems SO awesome, she is a professional athlete, smart, and not to mention drop-dead gorgeous! Practically everything I could ever want to be. In fact can we just switch? Can I just be her? No seriously I think she's a model. So I get to talking with her and she says I should be eating MORE! Are you kidding me! MORE than 2500 calories a day, I'll end up like a whale! Oh and she said I should be exercising more too. Ok more than three days a week I get it fine, except that I'm DEAD tired from my workouts already! I mean literally melting into the couch I cannot move dead tired. Ok fine maybe I'm not in "good enough" shape... yeah except I've been doing this (and feeling like this) for close to three years now! I MEAN C'MON! How much do I have to work my ass off to be NORMAL!!! Ok I think my rant is mostly over, I feel better at least, and I'm sorry to anyone who had to read that whole thing. I feel like I've been fighting this fight my whole life (with Sparkpeople to help me for three years and I STILL don't know what to do). Ok I'm gonna do it, post pictures that is. They are public pics (her magazine pics) so I don't think there is any issue. This is my new track coach, isn't she gorgeous! Can I be her? Really? Isn't there an operation for that?