my husband left me

[FrenchToast]

Yes you definately are a strong woman. I am too and I have found in my past relationships that when the men I was with cheated they managed to do so with women totally opposite. Women that were single mothers, vulnerable and "needed" a man !! I think some men need to feel "needed" more then others. That is their insecurity.
I sincerely wish you the best ! He has alot to lose if he screws this up ! Perhaps he will go to therapy as well. Won't hurt.

I heard on the John Tesh (sp) radio show years ago that for every $1000 more a woman makes a year then her husband there was a certain % higher divorce rate. At the time I thought that was interesting but I don't know the exact details. I think it effects some mens egos if their wife is the bread winner.

Good luck !!! Thinking of you and wishing you well.

 

[Elite Silkies]

Men are often insecure of themselves, and need constant reminders that they are needed and loved. I know my husband is this way, and I know I have to make sure I take the time to need him, although I am a very independent person. Even if it's something small and you know you need no help, ask anyway.

I am in no way defending this man for cheating, he committed the ultimate marital betrayal. But, it takes two to make a relationship work. He should have been a man and said, I am not happy and "we" need to figure out why.

A lot of people think my husband and I are odd because we never leave a room without saying "I love you" ; we never hang up the phone without saying "I love you". I also reassure him with "You know I love you, don't you?"

Everyone need reassurance that they are needed and loved, without that, the mind starts to wonder in different places, looking for what they "think" is lacking. Most of the time, it's still there, it's just a lack of acknowledging it's still there.

I truly hope that which ever way your life takes you, that you are truly happy.

 

[michickenwrangler]

Quote:
I've noticed this with the guy I'm seeing. If he sees me taking out trash, he'll take it out of my hands (not mean, but in a rather eager, comical way) and rush ahead before I can protest. He's out of state for a few months and says "I love you" several times on the phone. I also make sure I say it first when I can as well.

EVen over the phone. 600 miles apart, it's still good to hear.

 

[Elite Silkies]

Quote:
I've noticed this with the guy I'm seeing. If he sees me taking out trash, he'll take it out of my hands (not mean, but in a rather eager, comical way) and rush ahead before I can protest. He's out of state for a few months and says "I love you" several times on the phone. I also make sure I say it first when I can as well.

EVen over the phone. 600 miles apart, it's still good to hear.

I think the words are very important too. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

 

[HappyRoo]

Man I am almost speechless here with Joy! God Is Awsome! " LOOKIN GOOD"

"WORK IT GIRL" "RIDE THAT HORSE" Im Just silly here for You! "

I love you Father GoD'



MomFolly Wrote:

"If he didn't want to leave he should not have stepped out with another woman"

Mom you are right on! Men are from WV, and Women are from Michigan, is that right ?

If I had a Dollar for every time I went Brain Dead I could by some more "Slickeys"

 

[Nat123]

I am so sorry to hear that. Time will find you happiness and love completely again. Stay well and keep yourself occupied. It shall pass

 

[zzGypsy]

as one strong woman to another, I will tell you (and all my exes will agree), strong women are not easy to love.
we do not do the things that make a man instinctively puff up his chest and feel manly in our presence.
we do not *need* them, we can do for ourselves.
men need to be needed.

as strong women, if we want to keep a man in our lives... a real man... we have to find ways to be with him so that he feels like a man. he needs to feel valued, needed, appreciated, respected, loved.

some of us strong women have big brass ones... if we marry someone who is the least bit insecure, we will end up making him feel unneeded, and then some poor damsel in distress will take advantage of the situation and make him feel useful, needed, and manly.

it really helps to choose someone who's brass ones are at least as big, if not bigger, than yours.
but the essential thing is to remember he is your MAN and learn what you need to do so that he stays that way.

took me a looooong time to learn this. it cost me 2 divorces, and 2 long term relationships before I figured it out. I am strong, independent, smart, successful, and powerful in many ways. I scare the daylights out of many men. I am not easy. but now that I understand how to make room for my husband to be a man, and make sure that I do so, I get the best of both worlds... my own competence, plus the love and support of a real man who knows I need him.

see what I've learned is that even though I can do for myself, I really *do* need my husband in my life. not that I would die without him, but my life is richer, deeper, better when there is a man I love, and who loves me. knowing that, if I create a space in which he is needed, *we* flourish. if I create a space which is all about my independence, he will find somewhere else to be. not that it excuses things like breaking one's vows and refusing to bring issues to the table for repair, but I have the power to create some of the dynamics that set a bad situation up. or I can create an environment that draws him in, makes him feel more himself, his best self, with me.

strong independent smart women can make amazing wives and partners, but we are not easy and have to learn how to leave room for a man to thrive in our space.

best of luck, and as one of my dear friends (another strong woman) says, "please use your super powers only for good".

 

[cassie]

You say you still love him. You really need to ask yourself why. Based strictly on what you have posted, it appears that he does not love you nor does he have any sense of commitment to either you or the marriage. And hasn’t for a very long time. So again, why do you love him? You need to answer this to yourself. Take a piece of paper and write down all the things you like/love about this man. On another sheet, write down the things you do not like/love about him. Then write down the nice, loving, and considerate things you have done for him. Next, write down the nice, loving, and considerate things he has done for you. Ask yourself if you are in love with him or if you are really in love with the man you wish he was; the man you would like him to be. You may find that you are in love with a person who does not exist at all except in your mind and heart.

 

[FrenchToast]

Quote:

 

[HappyRoo]

Cassie Wrote:

You really need to ask yourself why. Based strictly on what you have posted, it appears that he does not love you nor does he have any sense of commitment to either you or the marriage. And hasn’t for a very long time.


I did not get any of that from where I was reading from ?



Wow! Just gonna bite my Lip here?