Need a hug, take a hug.

Duckfarmer1

Crowing
Jul 23, 2019
1,407
3,551
281
Kane,Pa
I’ll tell a tad bit of my story. I was disabled for 21 years after breaking my back in 4 places giving birth to my son. I had several surgeries, was in a wheelchair, etc. hubby left. Moved up to where I live now...which is a far cry from the fancy suburbs of southern Pgh. I love it up here now. My son is a wonderful 21 year old. I met my hubby when I had a cane and a leg brace, but h3 didn’t see that. I had several other health issues but that’s not important...a few years ago I started having horrible seizures...four or so a day. Had to have help in the house, so a Chris could leave me. With much doctoring...I started doing better...even started not using my cane! I was out raking apples and hurt my ankle. I tore my perineal tendon on my right ankle. I didn’t want surgery...I had had 14 surgErie’s by now, and your never the same after. There was no choice. Anyways. I had 7 mths of intensive PT...2 1/2 hrs twice a week..plus I was nuts at home, because I saw a taste of what I could be. Anyways..they got my bad leg strong! They got all of me strong! I went from 105 lbs to 125 lbs! Chris got me rabbits and webuilt the hutches for me to work on outside as PT at home. He had no idea what he started. What I really wanted was ducks...and that’s how I became @Duckfarmer1 ! Life has never been sweeter. My son now runs marathons. Did another one on Saturday. He is also the strength and conditioning coach for Slippery Rock Univercity. He also has his own training website. our hobby farm has grown like weeds...keeping us more busy than we ever imagined, and at New Years he toasted, over water...:) that he has everything he ever wanted, and he hopes to just sail through life , because he doesn’t want to ask for more, because that would be greedy.
I just hope the rest of you can find something in your life to turn around that way...because in all things...big and small...we find triumph...we just have to remember to look for it, and take the time to realize it, and enjoy it...enjoy each other.....:)
 
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quackiemama

Free Ranging
Dec 26, 2018
2,079
8,664
656
MARYLAND
I've been stuck in a rut for a while now. Easter of last year my bestfriend for the last 1/3 of my life died. His name was Timmy. Timmy had an intravenous drug problem for the last 8 years that just got worse as time went. I could talk for a couple of hours about all the stuff his family and I went through to help him, but I'll just leave that at we did everything we could. We all knew how it would eventually play out including him. Drug addiction is such a horrible struggle. That's not what's been plaguing my mind though.

The night before Timmy was found dead he took his girlfriend to the hospital for an OD. They had both been using the same product. Yet he decided to go home and take a fatal dose. Timmy, although an idiot for his choices, he was not stupid. By this time he was pretty experienced and educated on his drug of choice. What I can't get out of my head is that I think Timmy committed suicide. He had been in a bad depression for a long time and I can't get past how life could get so bad he'd want to end it himself. He wasn't a first time user making a mistake, he was an experienced addict.

We got some text messages just a few hours before he was found. All of them sounded horrible and depressing. Nothing was stated about suicide, but there was a feeling of severe lack of self worth.

This guy means so much to me. He'd been there for me in my lowest of lows and my highest of highs. He saved my life and talked me off the edge when my daughters mother took her from me. He saved my relationship with my wife and I when we where still dating. I was going through a rough time and was being self destructive, but what he said just cut through my bs and hit home. "You know I'll back you up no matter what, but I'm going to be disappointed in you if you don't go home." His opinion meant more to me than anything. He was everything to me a brother should be.

It breaks my heart to think he didn't feel like he had a better way out. It's all that's been playing through my head the last few days. It's quite exhausting. I miss him dearly.

I love you Timmy.
Oh Chris that just breaks my heart! That is quite exhausting and a very heavy load to carry around with you. Thank you for sharing such a painful part of your life. He sounds like he had a beautiful soul and loved you very much. Sometimes those demons get the best of a person. Please know that I consider you a friend and am always here to lend an ear (or fingers since I am typing) You know what I mean. :hugs
 

quackiemama

Free Ranging
Dec 26, 2018
2,079
8,664
656
MARYLAND
I’ll tell a tad bit of my story. I was disabled for 21 years after breaking my back in 4 places giving birth to my son. I had several surgeries, was in a wheelchair, etc. hubby left. Moved up to where I live now...which is a far cry from the fancy suburbs of southern Pgh. I love it up here now. My son is a wonderful 21 year old. I met my hubby when I had a cane and a leg brace, but h3 didn’t see that. I had several other health issues but that’s not important...a few years ago I started having horrible seizures...four or so a day. Had to have help in the house, so a Chris could leave me. With much doctoring...I started doing better...even started not using my cane! I was out raking apples and hurt my ankle. I tore my perineal tendon on my right ankle. I didn’t want surgery...I had had 14 surgErie’s by now, and your never the same after. There was no choice. Anyways. I had 7 mths of intensive PT...2 1/2 hrs twice a week..plus I was nuts at home, because I saw a taste of what I could be. Anyways..they got my bad leg strong! They got all of me strong! I went from 105 lbs to 125 lbs! Chris got me rabbits and webuilt the hutches for me to work on outside as PT at home. He had no idea what he started. What I really wanted was ducks...and that’s how I became @Duckfarmer1 ! Life has never been sweeter. My son now runs marathons. Did another one on Saturday. He is also the strength and conditioning coach for Slippery Rock Univercity. He also has his own training website. our hobby farm has grown like weeds...keeping us more busy than we ever imagined, and at New Years he toasted, over water...:) that he has everything he ever wanted, and he hopes to just sail through life , because he doesn’t want to ask for more, because that would be greedy.
I just hope the rest of you can find something in your life to turn around that way...because in all things...big and small...we find triumph...we just have to remember to look for it, and take the time to realize it, and enjoy it...enjoy each other.....:)
That is beautiful and I remember when you joined the forum and you told a little bit about yourself and the rabbits and then the ducks...... and how happy you are now. I love that for you and your husband sounds like one heck of a standup guy that loves you very much. And even though you had so many physical struggles and obstacles it sounds like you have raised a wonderful and appreciative son with an incredible head on his shoulders. I am proud of what you have overcome in life. Kudos to you!
 

Trimurtisan

Chief Chicken Choker
May 22, 2019
4,716
21,242
912
A cypress swamp in FL
I’ll tell a tad bit of my story. I was disabled for 21 years after breaking my back in 4 places giving birth to my son. I had several surgeries, was in a wheelchair, etc. hubby left. Moved up to where I live now...which is a far cry from the fancy suburbs of southern Pgh. I love it up here now. My son is a wonderful 21 year old. I met my hubby when I had a cane and a leg brace, but h3 didn’t see that. I had several other health issues but that’s not important...a few years ago I started having horrible seizures...four or so a day. Had to have help in the house, so a Chris could leave me. With much doctoring...I started doing better...even started not using my cane! I was out raking apples and hurt my ankle. I tore my perineal tendon on my right ankle. I didn’t want surgery...I had had 14 surgErie’s by now, and your never the same after. There was no choice. Anyways. I had 7 mths of intensive PT...2 1/2 hrs twice a week..plus I was nuts at home, because I saw a taste of what I could be. Anyways..they got my bad leg strong! They got all of me strong! I went from 105 lbs to 125 lbs! Chris got me rabbits and webuilt the hutches for me to work on outside as PT at home. He had no idea what he started. What I really wanted was ducks...and that’s how I became @Duckfarmer1 ! Life has never been sweeter. My son now runs marathons. Did another one on Saturday. He is also the strength and conditioning coach for Slippery Rock Univercity. He also has his own training website. our hobby farm has grown like weeds...keeping us more busy than we ever imagined, and at New Years he toasted, over water...:) that he has everything he ever wanted, and he hopes to just sail through life , because he doesn’t want to ask for more, because that would be greedy.
I just hope the rest of you can find something in your life to turn around that way...because in all things...big and small...we find triumph...we just have to remember to look for it, and take the time to realize it, and enjoy it...enjoy each other.....:)
Hey there DuckFarmer1! Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you've overcome quite a lot while still having so much to smile about. Chris sounds like a great guy to be around. :hugs
 

Duckfarmer1

Crowing
Jul 23, 2019
1,407
3,551
281
Kane,Pa
That is beautiful and I remember when you joined the forum and you told a little bit about yourself and the rabbits and then the ducks...... and how happy you are now. I love that for you and your husband sounds like one heck of a standup guy that loves you very much. And even though you had so many physical struggles and obstacles it sounds like you have raised a wonderful and appreciative son with an incredible head on his shoulders. I am proud of what you have overcome in life. Kudos to you!
Thanks @quackiemama !! You’re always sooo sweet! :)
 

Trimurtisan

Chief Chicken Choker
May 22, 2019
4,716
21,242
912
A cypress swamp in FL
Oh Chris that just breaks my heart! That is quite exhausting and a very heavy load to carry around with you. Thank you for sharing such a painful part of your life. He sounds like he had a beautiful soul and loved you very much. Sometimes those demons get the best of a person. Please know that I consider you a friend and am always here to lend an ear (or fingers since I am typing) You know what I mean. :hugs
Hi Misty and thank you very much. :hugs
I'd like to say everyday gets a bit easier but it's not. At least yet. I've been actively trying to process it all, and that's whats got me dwelling on things. I chose not to face it for a long time, but I'm tired of being sad every time I think of him. We've shared so many good memories together, it would be nice to be able to smile when I think of him. So I'm trudging through it all and trying to make some sense of it.
 

TwoCrows

Inuit Raven
Staff member
Premium member
Mar 21, 2011
38,629
43,661
1,362
New Mexico, USA
My Coop
My Coop
I’ll tell a tad bit of my story. I was disabled for 21 years after breaking my back in 4 places giving birth to my son. I had several surgeries, was in a wheelchair, etc. hubby left. Moved up to where I live now...which is a far cry from the fancy suburbs of southern Pgh. I love it up here now. My son is a wonderful 21 year old. I met my hubby when I had a cane and a leg brace, but h3 didn’t see that. I had several other health issues but that’s not important...a few years ago I started having horrible seizures...four or so a day. Had to have help in the house, so a Chris could leave me. With much doctoring...I started doing better...even started not using my cane! I was out raking apples and hurt my ankle. I tore my perineal tendon on my right ankle. I didn’t want surgery...I had had 14 surgErie’s by now, and your never the same after. There was no choice. Anyways. I had 7 mths of intensive PT...2 1/2 hrs twice a week..plus I was nuts at home, because I saw a taste of what I could be. Anyways..they got my bad leg strong! They got all of me strong! I went from 105 lbs to 125 lbs! Chris got me rabbits and webuilt the hutches for me to work on outside as PT at home. He had no idea what he started. What I really wanted was ducks...and that’s how I became @Duckfarmer1 ! Life has never been sweeter. My son now runs marathons. Did another one on Saturday. He is also the strength and conditioning coach for Slippery Rock Univercity. He also has his own training website. our hobby farm has grown like weeds...keeping us more busy than we ever imagined, and at New Years he toasted, over water...:) that he has everything he ever wanted, and he hopes to just sail through life , because he doesn’t want to ask for more, because that would be greedy.
I just hope the rest of you can find something in your life to turn around that way...because in all things...big and small...we find triumph...we just have to remember to look for it, and take the time to realize it, and enjoy it...enjoy each other.....:)
Oh gosh, this is a lot to handle. You need a couple hugs! :hugs :hugs
 
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