Need help w/teenager ! UPDATE! Pg 4 Thank You!!!!

[chickens4me]

I don't think 19 is too old for HS graduation at all. My dad graduated at that age (because his mother insisted he was held back in 4th grade.)

He now says he started working very hard in HS in his junior year. He was a "leader" in HS. Then he acquired his college degree, went into the Navy, flew airplanes. After the Navy, he flew jets for commercial airlines becoming a captain until he retired. He loved his whole career.

You nephew could do the same! I hope he stays in school, gets that extra help when needed. You could even use some homeschool programs to help him out?~~there are some really good ones out there.

I wish him~~and you~~all the best. You are wonderful to give him a good home like you are.

Edited for: Errors

 

[merepeter]

In my state they have a free virtual high school where the students are able to do course work over the internet. It works well for students that are either behind in their coursework (and need to catch up) and for those that feel slowed down with regular school.

I just found one for West Virginia the website is http://virtualschool.k12.wv.us/vschool/index.html

This may be an option to help him catch up. He may even be able to take classes through the virtual school that he can't through the local school.

 

[Up-the-Creek]

Everyone has been so great on here! All of your ideas and information has helped so much. I really appreciate the support and kind words also. I feel much better now knowing there is more oppurtunity out there for him and it isn't so black and white. Thanks again!

 

[jlmann]

The military might be a really good thing for your teen since he has had a rough time. A lot of times troubled kids really excel in the service because it gives them structure guidance and a sense of family that many of them never knew growing up in dysfunctional homes. You are a wonderful person for helping him and encouraging him to make good decisions. I hope everything works out for the best for both of you. God bless you for all you are trying to do to help your nephew!

 

[what was i thinking]

i drive school bus, one of my juniors is doing boot camp during the summer between his junior year and his senior year. he is leaving the week after school ends. he will only be seventeen. so there is was for things to happen. you need to meet with a good recruiter and talk to them. jeff has been working with this one his whole junior year.
i think it is wonderful for your nephew to want to do the service thing. i can be a great career and the do work with them.
my husband dropped out of school(many many years ago) and went in the service. they got him his GED, but i do know things have changed. he learned to drive tractor trailer and has done so since, almost 28 yrs.

 

[LilDucky85]

Encourage him, and make sure he knows that you believe in him. Most kids, although they don’t want to admit it, want rules. He should stay in high school, but if he is set on dropping out consider an alternate school. In Illinois there are schools that kids have to go to only 3 hours a day. It can get expensive so talk to him about getting a job. If he talks to his counselor before dropping out it is very likely that he will have his tuition paid for. Especially in his situation. If he talks to his high school they can also set up a plan that he can get his own schools diploma, rather than the alternate schools diploma. Make sure he or you talk to his counselor about all alternate options. They may also offer part time, or full time home schooling programs right through the high school.

I think you are an awesome person for taking him in, and doing this. The fact that you care will mean more to him than you will ever know.

 

[Up-the-Creek]

Quote:
I do thank you for your kind words and I am trying my best to encourage him and help. He and I have had many chats the last few days and he is now informing me he does not want to join the military, which that is okay with me. From my gathering in our conversations he has in mind what he wants to do and he will more than likely do it. He is not a big fan of school, and mind you, in this area the schools arent much. He has had lots of trouble with school and he just don't like it. He wants to stay till he is 18, then take his GED, and of course he wants to go to work. He is a fantastic worker, but it saddens me because this is what he wants. He could do more, he could have more. But, I remember back when I was that age and my DH, we just wanted to do what we wanted and we did. It didn't make us terrible and we learned from our mistakes and now we are better people for it. The best advice I have gotten is to support him,listen and love him. I know now that I can't make him into what I want,..it is going to be about molding him and supporting him and doing whatever I can do for him. He is a good decent kid, he just needs someone to love him. Whatever he decides, i will be there to advise him and help him with whatever he needs. I believe this will be the best approach.

 

[LilDucky85]

It sounds like as long as he has you he will make it far. Right now you, and your family is what he needs. Maybe he will change his mind, he has years to go before 18. Maybe in time he will eventually see that he doesn’t want to let you down. Especially after what you are doing for him. Things may just change for the better. I’m not a morning person and hated waking up early for school, but I didn’t want to disappoint my parents so I went.

If he still feels that way at 18, at least he has the goal of getting his GED. I know it must be hard to accept the thought of a GED rather than diploma, but at least he has a goal after dropping out. Luckily GED's are becoming acceptable these days. Even with what he has been through, he sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders. People may get their high school diploma but if they have no drive to become successful they wont. He may "just" get a GED now, but have that drive that it takes to become something great.

 

[country freedom]

I haven't read all of these posts, but I have to say this. I HATED school from the very 1st day of Kindergarten (at the age of 5), until the day that I graduated from 12th grade (at the age of 19). I NEVER, EVER thought about quitting school! I was held back in 1st grade because I wasn't ready for it - I failed 7th grade because I went through a deep depression for around a year, then I recovered from that.

1st grade - I'd rather be outside with the birds and other animals I had heard - actually would go to the windows and mimic birds singing and sound just like them, not whistling. My teacher was a stern nun and she recommended to my parents that I be held back as I just wasn't ready socially.

2nd grade - my teacher was a lady who really didn't treat anyone with a disability (disability with my soft palet, so anything with an s sounded like sally/hally, suzie/hoohee), with respect, I'd get paddled, for not having my homework done, while others wouldn't get anything done to them. I'd cry every day going to school, and coming home from school.

I eventually had surgery to correct that. I was always teased for my speech and I had zero confidence, and I ONLY had 2 friends that I considered close enough to call my best friends, but not at the same time frame in school.

7th grade - I won't go into details about that time except that I was in a deep depression for around a year, due to family relation issues dealing with a cousin.

I graduated when I was 19 yrs old from high school, and oh boy was I ever glad that I didn't have to go to "HLL" anymore!

So whatever needs to be done, follow through until the finishing of it, and you will be proud you made it!! Not ever looking back and thinking if I hadn't quit.......... so,

Please do not give up when you are SO VERY CLOSE TO FINISHING WHAT YOU'VE STARTED so long ago! You WON'T have regrets - thats my guarantee to you!!

 

[Up-the-Creek]

I just wanted to update everyone who was kind enough to give me caring advice when I needed it. My nephew has left us and moved back to his mothers. To tell the story, we will have to rewind back to Monday. Monday, DH and I had some errands to take care of. When we returned home we seen on the caller id that the school had called once again. We thought it was probably his Algebra teacher wanting to talk about his grades. So my DH calls the school and found out our nephew had witnessed a fight and recorded with my cell phone. School policy,..this is a big no-no. They informed us that they took the phone and would be keeping it for a few days to erase the video. We told them when they decided to return it, to call us and we would pick it up, nephew was not to have it back. THEN after this was all taken care of,..I opened my landline phone bill,...he had run up over 60$ worth of calls to his GF! Okay,..I can deal with this. He will just have to pay for it,..we will work it out with chores or something. No problem! Then I walk into my sons room to use his computer and printer for something, and I noticed the mattress on the top bunk was jacked up about 6 inches. Well I had to look,..it was a flashlight he uses when they go hunting nightcrawlers,..but right behind it was a half smoked pack of Marlboro Lights and two lighters. Okay, by now I am fumming. I had asked him over and over again if he smoked,he said NO. He lied to me, mistake #1 . I do not tolerate liars,..that is one of my biggest things,..and he knows that too. Plus, was he doing this in front of my 12 yr old son?? Was he doing it too?? THEN,...I see a stack of "letters" from his GF. I know, privacy,..but this is MY house and he has allready lied to me apparently, so yes, I want to know the rest of the story. I read the letters. Sorry to say it was some of the,..well you could probably imagine. This is coming from a 15 yr old girl. I was shocked, but I wasnt prepared for what was coming next. According to the last and most recent letters,.his GF, at 15, is preganet. At this time I am speechless. Its bad, the baby, both of them being babies themselves. All I could do was cry. But there is more to the story of course. Apparently everyone knew but us, DH and I. My nephews mother knew, and she has in her head, and it maybe true,that in the state of WV, if an underage boy gets an underage girl preganet,...his parents are responsible for that baby until he is of age to take care of them(Momma and baby). So this is where it gets real interesting. She knew,nephew knew, they all knew. The plan,..don't tell us (DH and I),...until we filed for legal guardianship of nephew, then we get stuck taking care of the baby and its momma and nephews mommy is off the financial hook. Thankfully, we didn't file them. Nephews mother signed the papers and had her part notarized, but I kept putting off doing the other papers and filing them at the courthouse. Basically, we was being used and dear sweet nephew was in on it. I cried all evening Monday because of this. DH called nephews mother and informed her of all this (that we knew)and it just all blew up. Nephew tried to move in with his GF,.LOL,..her parents wouldn't allow that, so he went back to mothers. I do not know for sure if his GF is really preganet, she says she is, then one moment she isnt. This whole episode has broke my heart. Lesson learned again,..there will be no more.
I thank everyone again for their kind words because I was so concerned for him and all I wanted to do was help. I have learned my lesson though,..you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. From now on I will worry only about my own children. Sorry so long,..