ok give me your opinion

[HeatherLynn]

My nephew and his wife had preemie twin boys this last week. Unknown to anyone they ended up telling her she was being released today after 1. So of course no one was available. We dropped everything. Loaded up 3 of the kids and hightailed it an hour away to help them. They needed to be moved to a ronald mcdonald house. Her husband is recovering from a traumatic injury and has brain damage and cannot lift more than 5 lbs on either arm due to injuries. So we get there. Bring their van, more meds, and mail. I also brought them money so they could pay for their room, get food ect. Well they didn't release her until well after 4. We waited. Went on walk with her hubby and the kids so she could pump. Loaded all their stuff in their van, ect. Anywho just got a call from my SIL that his wife had called her mother and she was upset. Her mom called and chewed us out. Wants the entire family, including the dad/husband to stay away. I am sitting here feeling a tad lost. She asked for help, I gave help and as much encouragement as I could. I got her hubby out as much as I could so she could relax because he was driving her up the wall. I know we were there a long time but it wasn't for our benefit or anything. We waited because they said they needed help. Was I wrong? I haven't heard any of these complaints from the new mom, the only one who has said anything is her mom. Apparently as a screaming cussing yell. Not really sure what to think. I sent her an email appologizing for being there so long. Just not sure what I really am appologizing for so its not sounding to great still. I'm not sure what to say. I am sorry the hospital gave them a bad time and told them they had to be out whether a place was ready for them to go to or not, or even if no one was there to get them. I'm sorry her mom was busy because I know she wanted her there to help her. Should I be sorry we hung around so long trying to help them and doing what they asked? Not sure how i feel. I think I sorta regret being nice and helpful. I spent my entire weekend doing running and cleaning and providing funds. Sorta kills the desire to help when you know all you will see in the end is not happy family but people mad at you. I guess at this point I finish my freezer meals, my scrubbing and laundry and grocery shopping and then be done with it.

I know that sounds sorta spiteful. Just, if I am just giving what help she asked for and all it did is upset her....well there seems to be no point. All I wanted was to make things easier because things have been so hard for them. I feel a tad burned right now.

 

[Daddas1Punkin]

I think you should have no reason to apologize! You did the right thing (in my opinion) and that was a nice thing... I have often had to drop everything for someone. It's not easy. I think you did the good thing!

 

[redhen]

You're a nicer person than i am...

 

[BrattishTaz]

I wonder if the mother was a bit more upset than your nephew's wife. It may have just been something that was blown out of proportion. Even if your nephew's wife was upset, I wouldn't make too much out of it unless something else is said. As a new mom, she is dealing with monster hormone surges, pain, stress (especially if there were complications), and who knows what kind of medications.

I know I was not the easiest person to deal with after I had my kids. The mood swings were horrible! It all evened out with time.

 

[Mandilynn]

I wonder if the mother was a bit more upset than your nephew's wife. It may have just been something that was blown out of proportion. Even if your nephew's wife was upset, I wouldn't make too much out of it unless something else is said. As a new mom, she is dealing with monster hormone surges, pain, stress (especially if there were complications), and who knows what kind of medications.

I know I was not the easiest person to deal with after I had my kids. The mood swings were horrible! It all evened out with time.

I agree here, my mother-in-law still holds it against me that I did not want her to stay at our house the night we brought our first baby home. (That was 6 years ago) Now I'd just take the help and say thank you. If the wife was truly upset, hopefully after some time she will see what was done for her.

I think you did a very selfless and good deed HeatherLynn. Hate to say it, but you are a better person than I might be in your shoes. Hopefully things just got out of hand with the mother. Mothers can be that way when dealing with the "other side" of the family when new babies are involved, IMO anyway.

 

[spiritdance]

You're definitely a better person than me! I'd be on the phone with my nephew demanding to know why he called for my help if that was how his wife was going to treat me! Yes, hormones can go squirrelly right after childbirth, but that's no excuse to be unkind and ungrateful to people who gave their own time and resources to help. I'm sure you had things to do with your day besides waiting on their discharge, and I'm sure the funds you provided could have be spent on other things as well. If it is indeed your nephew's wife whose throwing a tizzy, someone needs to tell her to grow up so her kids have an adult for a mother and not a spoiled child!

 

[debilorrah]

Good grief. Some people have nothing better to do than try to make others miserable. She wasn't there and she feels guilty so she needs to take it out on someone instead of just saying "sorry I wasn't there when you called". Tell her to grow a pair.

 

[Mattemma]

If the nephew and wife appreciate all that you are doing then tell the others to bug off.Those poor young parents are already dealing with a great deal,and people who *create* drama and any additional turmoil for them should be absolutely ashamed of their actions....and I would tell them that too. You did so much for them.God Bless.

 

[HeatherLynn]

I got a call this morning. Nephew and his wife had no problems. It was her mom that was upset. Apparently she had called her daughter and they fought a bit. Her mom was supposed to be there and never showed or answered her phone so they had to call us. She told her mom its fine because his family came up and were coming up tomorrow so everything was covered. Her daughter was a bit upset with her and so her mom called and took it out on us. They don't have the best relationship and her mom is resentful. She abandoned her and her grandparents raised her but she wants to make up for all that all now. Instead she apparently has disappeared since the babies were born after insisting none of us make plans to help them because she was going to be there. Anywho so new mommy was mad at her mom and her mom decided to take it out on someone who wasn't hanging up on her. What a mess.

I am still going to just focus on finishing up all the things I started. I think new mom has her hands full without extra family under foot right now. For now my SIL is up with them both and is calming everyone down. I am better off finishing off all the cleaning and laundry and getting their freezer meals ready. Once they are home the drama should have died down a bit and I can have nice visits. Poor gal has mom with a guilt complex, husband with mental and physical issues from the accident, and preemie twins. Now if that is not a load on someone I don't know what is.

 

[EweSheep]

Eventually everything will pan out. I know, because I was one of those moms whose hormones and pain really kept people away (had an emergency c section).