So last night I decided to dust the birds for mites. It went about like it always does. I started with the chickens, and I picked each one up off the roost after they were asleep, and I gently dusted them on their back, under the wings, and around their vent then put them back. The birds were sleepy, and seemed a little confused, but remained quiet.
Then it was time to do the guineas.
I picked up the first bird and dusted it carefully, making soothing sounds. I picked up the second bird and worked more quickly, and I sounded more impatient and grumpy as I was dodging claws and beaks. By the fifth guinea I was backed into a corner of the coop screaming bad words while I just tossed random handfulls of diatomaceous earth and garden dust into a screeching, whirling cloud of possessed shrieking guineas in the other corner.
There's gotta be a better way. Darned if I can find it though. Edit spelling.