Parents- curious about your oppinons

[ams3651]

I had my first at 18 and my second at 30. My second has some difficulties. At 18 I lived at home and had alot of help from my mom and sister. And although my mom now lives 2 hours away she was alot of help when the second was born because of his problems. I have more patience now than I did even 6 years ago when he was born. I agree that you will never put it down on paper to "afford" children. If you are not sure spend some time around young children, do you have nieces or nephews you can spend the day with or friends with kids. I was 10 when my sister was born, she is legally blind and my parents were truck drivers so I knew what it was about because I had to take care of her as she got older. My son's father on the other hand just doesnt know how to handle young children so I still do most myself but I always have. If your ready you will know.

 

[HennysMom]

Wow - lots of good advice here - and with it, lots of wisdom.

I met my hubby when I was 19 (he was 24) we were married when I was 20 (him 25) and had our first child when I was 21 (not the way I wanted or IMAGINED me spending my big 21st birthday I assure you). She was not planned, but we wouldnt of had it any other way. We started trying for baby #2 when she was 1.5 yrs, took us 7.5 years to finally get pregnant again. We had a "magic number" (as most women do) of age 30 for me for the end of children days - if I wasnt pregnant by age 30, no more kids. Ended up being at 30 I had to have a full hysterectomy for medical reasons - thank God that He allowed me the 2 wonderful kids I do have. He does work in mysterious ways you know

. Our eldest will be 18 in 2 months, and our son just turned 10 - and hubby and I have been together 20 years now, married 19 of those.

Age is just that - a number and it doesnt matter if you are 20 or 42 having children has nothing to do with your numerical age all together, it does however, have to do with your maturity level, and can you actually RAISE those kids? Are you willing to put yourself aside in every single way to put the needs of that child above your own at every moment? That is what matters most. You will never have "enough money" to raise a child - they get more expensive as they age, trust me! Unforseen medical bills - doctors visits, yeowch! So if you're "waiting until you are financially stable" you will keep waiting because you never will be.

They dont come with instructions, you cant give them back, there will be ALOT of bumps in the road, many sleepless nights, alot of tears and heartaches, you will be told "I hate you" on a constant basis, and no matter how many times you tell yourself "I will never do/say what my parents did/said to me"....one day....you will find yourself saying (and subsequently eating) those exact words and then you begin to realize "OH NO! I am my mother/father!" and you just come to accept it - as that odd feeling washes over you when you ask your child "Are you wearing clean underwear?" when they leave the house...

My two cents..

 

[Ms Ellen]

The thing you need to have enough of is time not money. After you have enough money for your basic needs, then money is just bits of paper that the government keeps printing on. You can not make more time. It is finite. Nothing you do can bring it back. The time you have right now is the time you need to spend doing what you want to do. You can not get it back when it is gone and you probably will have less time than you think. At a young age we think that time is endless and that there will always be tomorrow. There will not always be another chance. Do what you need to do. If it is horses, find a way to do it, don't limit yourself. If it is children, have them.

 

[patandchickens]

Quote:
Until then, what about taking a job of some sort? The reason I suggest it is not just 'in general' but in a specifically child-related way:

If you DO have kids, then if heaven forbid something should happen to your husband, it would be REALLY REALLY valuable to have more of a resume. It is quite hard for someone who's been out of the job market a while to get back in, get a decent job and be able to support or even just partially-support a family -- it is VERY VERY much harder (and honestly, not always possible) if you haven't got much prior experience of the working world (pre-children). Not just in terms of you, but I mean, largely in terms of simply your ability to GET a decent job.

Just a thought to ponder,

Pat

 

[Southernbelle]

Age doesn't matter, love and commitment do. Whatever comments you hear on the downside of pregnancy, remember, it's the shortest part of having a child. I had hyperemesis gavidarum with mine and people were shocked that I went on to have a second much less a third.

I breastfed, cloth diapered and yard-saled for clothes. My first baby wouldn't breastfeed, so I pumped and bottle fed breast milk to her. My other 2 took to it like a duck to water.

I used to teach a cloth diapering "class" for new mothers, so if you have any questions about it, feel free to pick my brain. They called me the Cloth Diapering Queen. I LOVED my cloth diapers. All 3 of mine went from birth to potty-training in cloth. I even took my cloth diapers to the hospital when I had my 3rd; the nurses were a little shocked, but supportive and interested.

You'll never regret it...

 

[pdsavage]

I had my first child at 18,i have learned alot in the last 18 years.
I think no matter the age or income when you have kids these 3 things should be your golden rules when raising kids love,patience and understanding.
If i was you i would go stay for a week or 2 with a family member who has alot of little kids.

 

[ChevygirlBeth]

monarc23, I just want to thank you for asking this. I'm 26, recently married, and my hubby just absolutely adores kids and can't wait to have one of our own. I want kids, too, but I feel like we should wait a little while (we've only been married 4 months). All the responses on this post were great and gave me lots to think about!

 

[horsejody]

If you are in a loving and stable relationship and can provide food and a home, go ahead. I always went with the idea that I wasn't my kids' friend or entertainment committee. I am their mother. DH is their father. We are parents. As such, we were their teachers, providers, protectors, role models and benevolent leaders, NOT THEIR BUDDIES! From the time the kids were little, they always got to pick their friends, but we had veto power. There were only a few kids that we had to kick out of their lives, but DS and DD were bright enough to figure out we were right in the end.

Do the best you can. Learn as you go. You'll figure it out.

Remember, most children are not planned. They just happen.

 

[glassparman]

Wow, what a post.

I'm 45 now and had my first child at 32. I think I was still too imature then but I've learned a lot about myself since then. I now have three children including an "over-40" surprise who will be 5 this Christmas. That same over-40 surprise has taught me a lot about compassion, love, precious little-girl-hearts and lots of hugs. Picture below.

Everyone is different. Some people can handle kids at a young age, others like myself, were too high strung at a young age.

I think you have to apply the same thing to child rearing as you do marriage - LOTS and LOTS of humility. Your children have to see that you make mistakes as well and they have to see you be willing to say you are sorry about mistakes. They also need to see that you love your spouse very much.

As far as the money thing, The good LORD has always provided for me. My wife is a stay at home mom and we have always lived on my salary. That salary has gone from a mere 11 bucks an hour in 1993 to 70k to bankruptcy and back to 75k. If you can't work together as a family and weather the storm no matter how much you make, you will never make it.

The family that prays together, stays together. All in all, I can only say that children are a true blessing.

Michael

 

[Julie08]

all I can say is no matter how old or how much money you have you will never be ready to have kids! Good luck.