Seriously, which would you choose?

[Eggs4Sale]

One more thumbs up for the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.

It won't hurt to check it out from the library and read it.

 

[AHappychick]

Quote:
I agree

 

[annie3001]

maybe *counseling* ?

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
It doesn't really sound like you would gain anything by separating--your first scenario makes it plain you are lonely, your second does nothing to change that. If anything, you have less companionship than in scenario 1.

You cannot change him, but you can change yourself. Think back to when your relationship was new and you two did things together (I assume that this occured at some time in your courtship and the early days of your marriage). What has changed in your daily activities between then and now? Try to re-institute some of the things that you both enjoyed that built connections between you. Sit down and schedule "dates" of whatever you both enjoy--it doesn't have to be a big event--we get quality time running weekend errands together. Mutual silence can be a sign of contentment and acceptance of each other as you are, it is not necessarily a sign of lack of interest.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
I agree, men think as long as we are quiet, everything's fine. And it usually is - to them.

Let him know and see what he does with the new information. Give him time to digest it though. It will probably be a complete surprise to him.


(Yes I know, men are blind, dense, and yes, dumb!)

REALLY? They need to come up with an instruction manual for men and have that line alone, be in huge lettering and bold print with all the bells and whistles around it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THere is a whole book about it called Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.

 

[LizFM]

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And the guy who wrote it was married to another relationship/self-help author/expert...and they got divorced

Not that some points the book makes aren't good. But just to say, don't necessarily expect and expert to have all the answers. Trust what works (and what doesn't) for you and your relationship.

 

[farmerlor]

I think the first thing I'd do is get myself a new bedroom in the house where I could sleep WITH my critters. Then I'd go looking for the other things that make me happy. Find something that makes you laugh and something that makes you feel good about yourself. I don't see any reason to be a doormat for a husband who doesn't appreciate me or my efforts or give me any feedback about our relationship. But I can't see any reason to go anywhere until you've decided what it is you want out of life and whether or not you're happy with who you are. In the meantime, he may wake up and find you in another bed and find no supper on the table and he might decide your relationship is worth a discussion.

 

[MagsC]

My mother, who has been married for almost 46 years said this. Marriage is NOT a 50/50 proposition. Many times either one spouse or the other could be giving 90 percent while the other gives 10 percent.(More or less of course)And as I see from the replies here as well, she also said, it takes a lot of work.

 

[tdgill]

Quote:
It doesn't really sound like you would gain anything by separating--your first scenario makes it plain you are lonely, your second does nothing to change that. If anything, you have less companionship than in scenario 1.

You cannot change him, but you can change yourself. Think back to when your relationship was new and you two did things together (I assume that this occured at some time in your courtship and the early days of your marriage). What has changed in your daily activities between then and now? Try to re-institute some of the things that you both enjoyed that built connections between you. Sit down and schedule "dates" of whatever you both enjoy--it doesn't have to be a big event--we get quality time running weekend errands together. Mutual silence can be a sign of contentment and acceptance of each other as you are, it is not necessarily a sign of lack of interest.

well said. excellent advice

 

[coloradochick]

to Farmerlors post. I was thinking the same thing about your critters. It may be a small "thing" but it's your "thing" that obviously means a lot to you or it wouldn't have been mentioned. I know I couldn't be married to someone who didn't somewhat share my love for all my fur and feathered babies. Only you know all of the little details of your marriage that may or may not be factors in your decision. Take some time to sort them out. Like some others have mentioned, communication works better on our part if we just speak what we need to say and not beat around the bush. Let him hear it all and then sit back and see what he has to say if anything. Go from there. Good luck and I mean that. Marriage if very hard and can be very trying to say the least.