*Sigh* Week old baby and possibly a divorce. *Warning: RANT!!!*

[bheila]

Sorry to say but it sure sounds like your raising 3 children. My husband will whine about where his clean clothes are and such. Well guess what.....when I don't have time to get to it because I have 3 younger kids to tend to, get off your grown BUTT and do them yourself. You know who would rather wear dirty pants then to learn to run the washing machine. That's right my husband. I realized after our second child that I was no longer his maid but his wife. Now I do things for him that I want to, not because I feel obligated to. I was miserable before. He even washes the dishes now by hand, wearing his dirty jeans

 

[lisahaschickens]

I do believe that I am in the very tiny minority here, but I disagree with most of these posts.

I understand that most people on here believe in the importance of marriage as an institution over all else. But for pete's sake, consider the repercussions of staying in such a marriage. Even though the children are just babies, they HEAR your fighting and they get a baby's impression that mom and dad are saying things like, "these kids are too hard to take care of!" and "I don't want to take the baby now, you do it!" and that in general your fighting is caused by them. Trust me when I say that that leaves a permanent impression in their little minds. It does a lot of damage. Trying to work it out because of the kids just so rarely works and the poor children suffer because of it. Also, in my opinion, a man who acts like that basically EVER is not worth your time and sounds like an all in all terrible husband with no respect for you whatsoever. Your original post broke my heart and enraged me at the same time. I think that sort of behavior is far too common in today's world, and I for one could never stand for it. I would most seriously consider what sort of positives he brings to your life and your marriage. What does he do for you, besides bring home a paycheck during the time that you are recovering from having and taking care of HIS CHILD? That fact that he had the gall to even ONCE say that you do nothing makes me see red. In my mind, a man who thinks like that could never possibly change enough to be OK. That comes from his raising and must be very deeply ingrained in his being. You simply deserve more. You deserve a man who will care for and respect you and treat you as an equal an be your partner in life and in child-rearing. That doesn't sound like this guy to me.

And, for the record, yes, there are plenty of men out there like that. My mom and dad have been married over 35 years and have even been through losing a child to cancer (my little brother when he was nine), which often tears marriages to shreds. My dad has never been anything but 1000% wonderful to my mom (and that doesn't mean they don't argue. of course they do). They both run a very large company together and they manage to work way more than an average person, and still they both help cook, clean, manage the household and their daily lives, and to raise their kids. I am 27 and long out of the house but my other brother is now 10 and will still be at home for years. They have a loving and supportive relationship that is a true partnership and is based on respect. This is real and can happen... it makes me so sad that there are so many comments on here that say things like "I think all men are like that" and "that sounds just like my life," etc.

Ladies - you deserve more. And you can have it. Be strong and look for it and don't give in and settle for something so horrible.

 

[newchickenfamily]

Quote:
x2 I'm so thankful for my DH. I wish you nothing but the best BettaCreek.

 

[PotterWatch]

I certainly don't think that all marriages are worth saving, but I do think that unless there is abuse going on, that you owe it to each other to at least try to work on things. I may work out, it may not, but at least you didn't give up without attempting to make things better.

*Edited to add that some people just need a wake-up call. Sometimes they don't realize how things feel on the other end until someone forces them to see it. My husband was one of those. Once he really saw how things looked from my point of view, he changed dramatically. Do I still get frustrated with him and angry at times? Of course! But counseling really helped both of us see what the other one needed and helped us figure out how to get it done.

 

[Southernbelle]

Video games can be an escape from reality and it sounds like he's having a hard time coping with the current reality. It's so hard when your babies are that young and sleep deprivation is really tough. I remember wishing that my husband would want to help with the kids and house so I didn't have to ask and knowing it would never happen. To this day the memories of the 1st 6 weeks with my 2nd child are a sleep-deprived blur. Counseling helped him see he was being an a$$.

 

[mullers3acers]

I have been married for almost 24 yrs and together for almost 29. Believe me we have been through some really bad times and really good times you need to decide which is more important. Your children count in this too. To make sure that they are happy. One thing that I have heard and seen is that couples are too easy to say divorce and not willing to try to work things out. If it is at all possible try to work it out. Remember the vows though better or worse in sickness and health in good times and bad.

 

[Judy]

Quote:
VERY well said.

 

[littlefarm_bighappy]

I'd say that that the new addition of the baby has created an environment (read chaotic) to make any permanent decisions.

I learned not to throw around the word "divorce" for quite a while I threathened it constantly. When it actually became real I learned the hard way not to use it as a threat.

One tactic I learned through counseling is to never bring up an issue when it is at its peak, when I am furious, or when he is not at a good point.
Also, the fact that in your first line "if I ever date again." leads me to the conclusion that you are not 100% committed to this. How would feel if he said something like this about you on a public forum? It would rend you.

Wait until it is calm, then talk to him seriously about throwing out the video games.

I have had hard learning in electronic/tech invasions in marriage; PM me if you want to discuss this at length.

Also, I would leave your parents out of it as much as possible. I used to call up and bi*ch about my husband. never again. You and HIM are the team, and no one else. he needs your support in this.

I know this may sound unsupportive, but believe me, I am all for both of you getting to the point where both of you can fulfill the needs of the other 100%. He needs to learn to help out more. But he's not going to have the inner motivation to do that if you are out there thinking about dating after the divorce.

I wish you luck...

 

[asher]

I have only read your first post, not any replies so not sure what has been said.

Please take your kids with you. Leaving them, to the courts, will possibly be considered abandonment when it comes time to divorce (if it happens) and figure out custody and he may get primary custody b/c of that. Leaving your house and it's posessions is considered the same thing, but I'm more concerned with your kids.

Having kids is ROUGH on a marriage. I won't say it's not. Right after a new baby is NOT the time to make this type of decision. Trust me.

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
ITA

My dh gets up for work at 6am. Catches the 720 train after making himself breakfast and enough coffee for the both of us.
He then works until 6 at night and gets home many days after 8pm.
Yet he will not only make dinner, but also helps put our dd to bed which includes reading a book.
Stress? He has been the only one earning a steady full time income for over 6 years now.
He has his video game unit. He uses that on weekends, but also manages to help me out with dishes, laundry, the kid and the animals. Without complaining.
My dad was an alcoholic. My folks fought all the time.
I could never and still cant figure out why my mom had me. Never mind having my younger sister with him.

Also. IMHO what is happening in your house IS a form of abuse and control. I wouldnt stand for it and would tell him to grow up. Be a man.
Or leave him and take the kids with you. If he then figures it out. Great. If not. sorry,, but no big loss. Espeically since you have two sons. What do you think they are going to learn from watching him treat you like this?
Potential daughters in law should be warned.