Some Short Ones.

[Col1948]

Dear Mother In Law, please don't tell me how to bring up my children.
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.

 

[Col1948]

The man next door was telling me someone stole his glasses from work, he wasn't too bothered then he said, "Don't worry I'll find them, I have contacts."

 

[oldrooster]

Next January 1 everyone on earth will have perfect vision, just wait on New Years day we'll all have 2020!

 

[Fields Mountain Farm]

 

[Fields Mountain Farm]

Mark Unread...

Ok.. those are great!
I really look forward to reading these with my morning coffee... and Im getting better at not spitting it all over my phone as Im reading and laughing...

 

[Fields Mountain Farm]

Oh thats bad...

 

[Col1948]

Not short but...

There was a guy who lost his job, he went out one day looking for work, he tried everywhere, factories, building sites and shops, all to no avail.
On his way home he passed the docks, then he thought, 'Why not, worth a try' so he went in. there was a big cargo ship by the dockside and he spotted the Captain just going on board.
He stopped him and asked if there was any work going on the ship, the Captain asked if he had any experience, he said he hadn't, then the Captain turned to go on board.
So then the guy shouted, "I'm a hard worker, I'll do anything, plus I'm honest." The Captain turned round and said, "OK, we sail in 2 hours, if you can get back here by then with your things I'll give you a chance," then the Captain shouted to a deckhand to tell the guy what he needed.
The guy made it back in time and joined the crew of the ship, after a couple of days at sea he and the deckhand were mopping the deck, just then a giant wave washed the guy overboard.
The deckhand went to see the Captain, when he entered the Captain's cabin he said, "You know that new guy you started that said he was honest, well he just pissed off with the mop."

 

[Fields Mountain Farm]

 

[Col1948]

A man, his wife and 2 children were driving down a country lane, all of a sudden a farm tractor with 2 farm hands on it pulls out of a gate from a field.
The man managed to avoid it by swerving off the road, through the bushes and in to the field, narrowly missing a couple of cows then back through the bushes on to the road again.
1 of the farm hands turns to the other and says, "Wow, did you see that, we came out of that field just in time."

 

[Col1948]

Start preparing for Christmas early... By falling out with friends and family today.