Some Short Ones.

[Col1948]

Futurists have suggested that in a few decades there will be ejaculating clocks... We'll all know when the time comes.

 

[oldrooster]

Futurists have suggested that in a few decades there will be ejaculating clocks... We'll all know when the time comes.

2x a day correct when both hands come full circle right?

 

[Col1948]

I read in the news that fibre helps protect you against heart disease and bowel cancer, so I'm making a change.
But should I get 80mb or 200mb?

My budgie got friendly with the dog a little time back... I got some puppies going cheep if anyone's interested?

Now my friends all hate me because I've been keeping my enemies closer...

A lot of people were confused at the grand opening ceremony of my ribbon-repair business yesterday...

Pre-owned headstone for sale.
Would be ideal for someone named Mary O'Murphy.

 

[Col1948]

A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own Clinic and puts a sign outside ;-

'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'

An American Lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the Clinic.

Lawyer: 'I have lost my sense of Taste.'

Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.'

Lawyer: 'Ugh. this is Kerosene.'

Chinese: 'Congrats, your sense of Taste is restored. Give me $20 dolla.'

The annoyed Lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer: 'I have lost my Memory. I cannot remember anything.'

Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.'

Lawyer (annoyed): 'This is Kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my Taste.'

Chinese: 'Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20 dolla.'

The fuming Lawyer pays him and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: 'My Eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all.'

Chinese: 'Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100 dolla.'

Lawyer (staring at the note): 'But this is $20, not $100"...

Chinese: 'Congrats, your Eyesight is restored. Give me another $20 dolla'

 

[Col1948]

What's the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?
'Unlawful' is something that is against the law, 'illegal' is a big bird that don't feel too good.

 

[Col1948]

If I know one thing, it's that Solar power isn’t going to happen overnight.

According to a magazine I read at the Doctors today, every household will have a television by 1969.

 

[Col1948]

If I know one thing, it's that Solar power isn’t going to happen overnight.

According to a magazine I read at the Doctors today, every household will have a television by 1969.

 

[Col1948]

I'm not worried about the election, I'm worried about what I'm going to wear at my victory rally.

 

[Col1948]

I found a new hobby for when I'm bored.
I phone random people in India and ask them if they would like faster broadband.

 

[Col1948]

Someone remarked how I'm putting on weight so I'm going to start drinking that fancy water, you know the one, with the malted barley, yeast and hops, with healthy additives.