soon to be 19 yr old DD just told me.........UPdate.......post1

[lockedhearts]

Looking at the flip side, My parents had two kids by the time they were 20 years old . My sister was born in November of 1959, they married in July of 1959

I came along a couple years later, and while it was a struggle and we were never rich, we never did without any necessities.
The plus side for my parents, my sister moved out in 79, I moved out in 80 so they have had a whole life all by themselves.
They just celebrated 50 years of marriage in 2009.
It may turn out completely different than what you are thinking..........

 

[chixie]

I had my daughter when I was barely 19..I know the sacrifices that she will have to face. I have tried to get it thru her head. and I am still not finished trying. I really didn't mind giving up most of my carefree days. My mom was there if I needed her but I took care of my daughter. I got married when she was 3 months old and DH was awesome and helped me. she had colic everyday. he would drive her around the block all hours of the night just to get her to sleep. I have always told her how hard it is being a young mother and she still feels like she is ready. I also beleive she will marry her SO when she is ready. I just wish she would before she decides to have a baby

 

[lockedhearts]

Quote:
If I had gone ahead and had the child I was pregnant with at 18 instead of making a choice I regret to this day, I would at least have a child. Hubby and I lost our only son when I was 5 1/2 months along back in 2002 and I blamed myself because of the choice I made the first time around. Don't be too hard on her and try to look at her side of this too. You never know what life has in store and while it will be hard on her, you just don;t know what tomorrow brings, if I had known then what I know now, I would have made a different choice almost 30 years ago .

 

[Intheswamp]

chixie, it seems that you care greatly for both your daughter and her boyfriend so let them know what you feel in your heart. Let them know that you will love them no matter what, that your love is unconditional, and that if a child is conceived that you will love it unconditionally as you do them...and probably more so. Tell them in a loving way about your concerns and fears *and* your hopes and dreams...don't press your desires on them, simply share with them your thoughts.

Don't let them feel that you are judging them because they will begin to feel like the world is judging them and that would put you as simply "part of the world". The last people they need to feel judged by are the people that love them the most. Be frank and honest with them.

Really, if your daughter and her boyfriend decide to go ahead and have a child there is nothing that you or anyone else can do to stop them. It will come to a point of acceptance...either they will decide not to have a child at this time by accepting the idea that it is not good timing or either you and your husband will accept the idea of being grandparents of child whose parents just might could use a little instruction and encouragement along the way. To me, a key point of the acceptance is how it is attained....through strife and grief or through love and patience. It makes a difference.

I don't know what your relationship to God is, but right now before anymore intense discussion takes place I would strongly suggest you, your husband, your daughter and her boyfriend all read 1st Corinthians Chapter 13. A child is such a precious creation to even be considering....much love is involved.

Are they young?...yes.
Should they be married?...yes.
Should they wait a while?...yes.
Do they care what I think?....probably not.

This is from my heart and I'm definitely not trying to tell you what to do, but rather what I would do. I've walked my own walk and it's amazing how good things can come from situations that we, in our small, humble minds view as undesirable.

May God bless you and yours,
Ed

 

[sourland]

My wife and I married when she was 19, and I was 21. Our son was born 14 months later and our daughter 22 months after that. 46 years later, the Princess and I are still together and enjoying life. Our kids grew up to be good people and are excellent parents in committed relatonships. It can work. Will it be easy? Hell no! But I don't think parenthood has ever been an easy deal. I understand it's a tough deal- we want so much for our kids and want it to be easier for them. When we started our family, my father and my wife's mother were adamantly against the idea, but all worked out. Let her know all the sacrifices that they will face, and then be ready to support their decision however it goes. At least it sounds like the boyfriend is a "stand up" kind of guy. Guess I'm just old fashioned, but I can't understand why if we think enough of someone to live with them we don't formalize the relationship? Guess I'm just showing my old fashioned nature. Good luck, Geo.

 

[chixie]

My mom was 16 when she married my dad who was 19. my grandma let my mom get married because she was raising 7 kids by herself and she thought it was better for my mom. my moms dad died when she was 8 years old and she was the oldest. my mom had my sister when she was 17. my parents were married for 22 years before the divorced. most of our relatives are divorced. I am thinking that is one reason she is shying away from marriage.

 

[Nupine]

Quote:
You're not old-fashioned. You are nothing but right. I agree 100%.

 

[chixie]

there is nothing wrong with being old fashioned. and everone has a right to there opinions. And I do apreciate evryones input on this situation. I am going to tell DH tomorrow. today is his birthday and I didn't want to ruin his day .

 

[saddina]

Quote:
Meant very gently...

I think many people my age and younger (early 30's) don't have the same views on marriage that people older did. There's only so much you can take of hearing how sacred marriage is, and in the newt minute see your family split apart. Not too many of the adults in our lives treated marriage like a gift, but rather complained, then used the kids as weapons in ugly custody and support battles. Not saying anyone here, but society in general. She could feel that it's just not important.

 

[goobhen]

My son is twenty-four years old, his son is going to be six in July. First, my son pays his child support, he sees his son, he loves his son.... my son is going to college full time this semester. He works as many hours as he can. It is very hard for me to see his struggles, but he is a honorable man. I love my grandson, he is a great blessing from God! It was hard at first due to the situation. It can be done, but I doubt my son would do it in the order that he did. He is not involved with the mother at all, they are on friendly terms, my son and grandson make the best of the situation. Your family is in my prayers.....Theresa