soon to be 19 yr old DD just told me.........UPdate.......post1

[Buff Hooligans]

I feel badly that a 19 year old young lady wants to start someone else's life before she's even had a life herself yet.

 

[chixie]

I haven't talked to DH yet. I was going to this evening. but I got a call this morning from him that he was at the emergancy room with chestpains. so I have been at the ER,. they have ruled out heart and lung problems. they sent him home with high Blood pressure and still in a lot of pain. and they have no idea what is wrong. you have to understand why I am really worried. My DH does not go to the hospital unless he is really really sick or hurting. so I am gonna wait before I tell him until he feels better. he has been hurting since yesterday.
I will be spending the afternoon with my daughter tomorrow and I will be able to talk to her more then and in person

 

[ChikeeMomma]

chixie -- poor hubby! Hopefully, they can figure it out soon! My neighbor went in because he thought he was having a heart attack. It turned out that he has severe acid reflux. So maybe it will be something like that and then he can just take a pill everyday for a few months.

to you and your family!

 

[morelcabin]

Marriage first, then baby if that's what you as a couple have decided on. Finances aside...if they are ready to start a family then they better be ready to commit to each other! It doesn't matter how rich or poor you are to have children...if you waited until you thought you your financially ready you'd be too old to enjoy the children. I think 19 is a great age to start a family IF YOU ARE MARRIED. 19 is NOT too young for the responsibility IF you have a partner and are in a legal marriage.
Everyone knows "men don't grow up until thier 30" That doesn't mean they aren't capeable of being responxible until then...it just means that that is when they really start to 'get it'
I started my family at 19 and really have no regrets about that part of it. Actually I am thrilled to be 40 and have all my kids grown up and out of the house. I am really enjoying grandparenting. Glad I did it that way. I have one son left at home and life is and has been really good!

 

[ebwy]

Quote:
thing is, we can't know what their relationship is like on the inside. They may be as committed as I am to my man, or they may not. same can be said about them if they were married too.

it sounds like they have a stable environment though - they have somewhere to live etc. anything else we just don't have the info to make an informed comment on.

 

[mom'sfolly]

You might ask her what her reasoning is, and what her expectations are. After two years, she should know if she wants to spend her life with her boy friend. I've seen a lot of successful un-marriages, so I'm not hung up on the wedded aspect of it; but, if she is unwilling to be connected to this man for the rest of her life, she shouldn't have a child with him. A child is forever, and that makes the connection permanent, marriage or not. If she can't see herself with this man long term, she shouldn't be thinking of having a child with him.

Since I've had children, I've never had a night away with my husband. Is she willing to sacrifice the special times and opportunities to drop everything and get away?
Is she willing to spend the majority of her life thinking of someone else's needs first, and to think that way for at least the next 18 years?
Is she willing to share parenting choices with her boyfriend? Do they have similar ideas about how to raise a child?
Has she spent more than a couple of hours with a small child? Can she manage stress and lack of sleep?
Is she ready to spend her days with someone who will interact minimally with her for at least six months?
Does she have money and prospects for child care?
Can she afford to stop working? Does she want to stop working?
Will she want to go to college in the next few years?
Will she want to be a grandmother at 40?
Does she know all the preschool and elementary school moms will be far older than her, and the only thing in common will be children of a similar age?
Is she ready to loose all her childless friends?
Does she know that if things do not work out with her boyfriend, dating will be a stone b*tch with a kid?

Specific questions might get you farther in your wishes, than just saying "I don't think you're really ready, have you thought this through?"

 

[ducks4you]

MAYBE you should ask boyfriend if he wants to pay for this child for the next 18 years? If they separate, and your daughter has his child, and then hires an attorney, he'll be asked for child support for that long.

Really...this "live together and have kids without a commitment" is for the birds--like our chickens.

 

[Msbear]

Quote:
thing is, we can't know what their relationship is like on the inside. They may be as committed as I am to my man, or they may not. same can be said about them if they were married too.

it sounds like they have a stable environment though - they have somewhere to live etc. anything else we just don't have the info to make an informed comment on.

They are 19

They probably are commited but, what about next week... that's the point. Im not going to argue anymore... don't feel Im making any ground.

 

[FireTigeris]

Be careful, legislation in FL just (2009) made it so blood family and married couples have rights over a dependent adult- not a cohabitant- they can't even find out info supposedly due to HEPA and other similar laws.

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

I got pregnant at 19, had my first child at 20, my second at 22 1/2, and my third at 24. I wouldn't have changed it for the world, but I am still struggling to get my bachelor's degree, and I am almost 28 now! I have been at home with my kids, 24/7/365 for 7+ years. I don't think most 19 year olds are ready to give up ALL drinking, partying, dating, etc. for screaming, puke, poopy diapers... I got pregnant accidentally, and being pro-life (for myself... your body your choice), didn't have any other options. I adore my kids, but I don't recommend the lifestyle for young people.