SOOOOOO stinkin mad at my daughter I could spit nails!

[VioletBlueIvy]

Totally agree with all the tough love & she wont value it if she doesn't earn it ect. I think that is all right on, but......

If I were you I would want to know a little more.... and I would be asking some questions.

Is she doing drugs because she has nothing better to do or does she have nothing better to do because she has a drug problem preventing her from taking those steps?
I think there should be a conversation around that. If she has a substance abuse problem, she has a better chance of recovery with the support of her family.

 

[sheila3935]

i had a problem with my oldest she turned 18 and lost her mind! She would tell the younger kids we were mean and they didnt have to listen to us etc. long story short she moved out. We had many fights couldnt even talk without fighting. One day she calls to tell me her and her boyfriend got kicked out of their apartment for having a wild party. The hardest thing I ever had to do as a mom was say you'll figure it out, and not let her come back home. Today she is 29 a very responsible young woman and we get along beautifully. One day she called and said mom I used to think you was the meanest mom in the world not letting me do what all the other kids were doing and not helping me went we had our problems( as she calls it) but now I see why you did what you did. the way some of my so called friends have turned out Im glad you told me no. then she Thanked me. Best thing that could happen to a mom

 

[The Tinman]

I think you need to address her drug problem. Growing up is a scary thing and alot of kids turn to drugs to escape reallity. if you put her on the streets her drug problem could get worst. She will not be able to get a GOOD job if she can not pass a drug test.

 

[greeneggsandham]

Time to pack her stuff, put in on the front lawn, and change the locks to the house.
My daughter just graduated HS in June spent all summer "being free" and in the last month has started two PT jobs.

 

[annie3001]

holy crap. sorry you as a mom have to be put thru all of this.
she will grow up. hopefully!

 

[WingingIt]

Can't add any additional advice (the tent idea sounds worthy to me), but wanted you to know I'm behind you, too. Yes, time for her to learn a hard lesson.

 

[lauralou]

Q: Where is she getting money for drugs?

A: She doesn't need money for drugs. She is a single 21 year old female. She can get drugs anytime she wants them.

I feel your frustration! I can't imagine what I'd want to do if I were in your place. It does seem to me that if you kick her out immediately, she'll have little choice but to shack up with some scumbag who's doubtlessly already feeding her dope. That's why I like the tent idea (HA!) or the empty room/no priviledges unless she earns them idea. True, it's a lot more trouble for you and your husband. And you've been through A LOT with her already. Probably a lot more than I'd be willing to go through if I had kids. There, now you know what my advice is worth. I never even had kids, so I have no experience raising them.

Hugs to you, and best of luck with this terrible situation.

 

[VioletBlueIvy]

Quote:
Exactly. I hope this isn't the situation she's in, but if it is she needs YOU right now...

 

[lauralou]

I just reread my original post, and I hope I didn't come across as implying that she's engaging in "the world's oldest profession". That's not what I meant at all. I'm just saying, young girls can get whatever they want. Statement of fact. We are never as enticing in our lives as when we're 21 years old and single.

Just didn't want to be misunderstood there.

 

[booker81]

For the sake of your kids that did get their acts together, do something about her. I know for myself, I jetted, got a job, a place to live AND went to school, and it peeved me to no end that my brother used my parents the same way she is using you - as a crash pad with no intention of supporting herself. It caused a lot of grief in my family, because I had a lot of resentment.

Thankfully, my brother got in his head to join the military, so that took care of that!

Since she's obviously on drugs, then I would make a stipulation that in order to stay, she gets to enroll in a drug rehab program - today. They aren't that bad, and it might help her out. If she doesn't want to go, well, you have the choice of having a freeloader for a few more years, or let her fall. She's not going to wise up anytime soon. Either way, she's going to get in trouble, she will probably hit some jail time, and worse, she might decide to drive around stoned/high and hurt or kill herself or someone else.

Your local hospital should have resources on rehab programs. The ones around here (my mother is a recovering addict/alcoholic, and we've hit a LOT of programs with her) cover anything from pills, pot, alcohol, coke, meth, heroin, etc. They are good at giving the tough love that it's hard to give when you're close to someone.