Terrible jokes thread ... post your groaners!

[Mace Gill]

So the Soviets got sick of buying wheat from the Americans and began to spend millions on research into grains. Finally U.S. intelligence found out that the Soviet scientists had developed a new grain that yielded twice the harvest of conventional wheat and grew in half the time. Several agents died before it was discovered that the new grain was called "Krilk". The CIA was panicked! Without the Soviet dependency on American grains the security of the West could be forever compromised.

Congress quickly convened and appropriated several hundred million dollars for the CIA to send up spy satellites over Russia to learn the secrets of Krilk. Finally, after several years, the satellites began to send back images of the factory deep in the Soviet Union that was processing the Krilk. The CIA sent in over a hundred agents. None returned. The process remained a secret. The satellites were next to useless because they could only see the outside of the building, not the actual milling of the harvests. Finally the Soviet Ambassador in Washington sent a message to the President of the U.S. to let him know that all further attempts to learn the secrets would be futile.

The message read...."You are wasting your money. Everyone knows that it's no use spying over milled Krilk!"

 

[Saraf31]

Q: Where does a lizzard go to get a new tail??

A: The retail store

Q: What kind of bagel can fly?

A: A plain bagel

 

[Top Rooster]

VOTE MUFFIN 2017 on "Chickens for president!!!"

 

[DuckLady]

Please everyone, remember that language and content here should be suitable for all ages. Profanity and sexual content is not allowed.

 

[The Angry Hen]

Yes, I agree. We know that @DuckLady. Thank you for reminding us.

 

[Robin37]

Thread for bad jokes, dad jokes, horrible puns that make you groan, etc. Bonus points if they are eve vaguely chicken related!

I'll go first ... but you'll probably regret that you've read it.


A man goes on vacation for two weeks … he asks his brother to stop by each day to feed and care for his chickens.

After about a week away he calls his brother to tell him how much he is enjoying his vacation, to thank him for helping out, and check up on how things are going. After a few words pass he asks:

“How is my flock doing?”

Brother: “Your rooster, Vincent, is dead.”

Man: “Vinny is dead???? My god, I can’t believe that! And you had to just spit it out like that? I’m overcome! Couldn’t you have broken it to me more gently?”

Brother: “Gently? How?”

Man: “Well, like this, maybe. Today, when I ask, you tell me that the flock is fine, but Vinny escaped, he’s out in the yard and won’t let you come near him, see? Then, tomorrow night, already a little concerned, when I ask you tell me that while out, he had been attacked by a predator, you were tending to his wounds, but things look bad. Then, by the third night, you tell me that Vinny has succumbed to his wounds in spite of the best care possible … that way I am more emotionally prepared for the worst, rather than just saying ‘Vinny is dead.’ … I’m still reeling over what you’ve just said!”

Brother: “Oh my, I am sorry! I thought you’d like to know straight away, but I guess it was insensitive of me!”

Man: “That’s okay … I’m pretty upset, but I guess what’s done is done. By the way, how’s mom?”

Brother: “Mom? Well … she’s escaped. She’s out in the yard and won’t let me come near her … “

This is hilarious. I read it to my husband and we laughed and laughed.

 

[MissNutmeg]

Q: What is the temperature inside a Tuan-tuan?

A: Luke warm

 

[Mace Gill]

Q: What is the temperature inside a Tuan-tuan?

A: Luke warm

Lol! Too good! Err ... bad! or something!

 

[FrankieDoodle]

Q: What is the difference between a piano, tuna, & glue?

A: you can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

 

[FrankieDoodle]

Q: What is the difference between a piano, tuna, & glue?

A: you can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

Nobody asked about glue?

"What about glue?"

I knew you'd get stuck on that one