THe i want to slap my stepdaughter upside her head rant by Conny

[horsejody]

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My daughter needed a backhoe to clean out her mess of a room when she left.

 

[ksacres]

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Now there's a point I am tempted to agree with you on.

I think Conny wanted some support from us b/c she's not getting enough support from her DH. He needs to man up and tell the little precious princesses that they need to grow up or get out.

Katy, I also agree that children change a relationship-and if that relationship isn't rock solid, it's usually not for the better. I know several couples that had kids as a "fixer" for the problems in their relationship. They are all divorced now. Kids are tough, all the more reason people should give top billing to their spousal relationships.

 

[TexasVet]

To KSacres... you've got a lot of great opinions, and I wish you all the best, but you'll find out down the road that life is not as black and white as you think it is.

To everyone else... as has been said several times, we're only hearing one side of the story here. I don't think any of us has enough information to offer iron-clad advice. So I stand by my original post... read some books on personal relationships and/or dealing with difficult people and see if you can improve the dynamics of the family.

Unsubscribing to this post now, because the chickens need to be fed. All the best, whatever you decided to do.

Kathy, Bellville TX

 

[tdgill]

QUOTE....Someone has to be the adult in a situation like this. I actually wonder if the father knows how the step mom and step daughter are treating each other and enjoys being the sought after prize. There are plenty of people who like that who don't care who's fighting over them...just so someone is.UNQUOTE

I think that's very interesting...after all this conversing to actually come up with another angle. very possible idea.

 

[ksacres]

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I would hope that I never learn to compromise my beliefs just because it might be easier to keep the peace than to fight for what is right (and make the children better people for it in the long run).

 

[horsejody]

Pacifism doesn't work when it comes to raising kids. Being their buddy is no good either. I have found that the best way to be their loving mother when they were growing up was to not be their friend, but to be their benevolent leader. I led by example, and when their behaviour strayed I corrected them. My kids are grown, and now I can be their friend. DH and I have good relationships with our kids. If you expect your kids to be good people and correct them when they are wrong, they will be fine. If you let them rule the roost, they will be spoiled rotten brats and true happiness will be elusive to them.

Telling a daughter or son to be respectful to a stepparent is not being mean or choosing sides. It's being a parent. I think that I have read enough of Connie's posts to know that she is a gentle soul and not the vindictive type. She always seems to be a very kind person. If she says her SD is disrespectful, I think I can take that at face value. This forum is a great place to rant.

ksacres - I think you think a lot like I do. I hope you have kids someday because I like your grasp on reality. Children thrive the best when their parents (whether it be stepparents or biological) have a healthy relationship and lead by example. Children should not be in charge.

 

[debilorrah]

ksacres is a wise old soul in a young womans body.

 

[horsejody]

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And that sure beats being a wise old soul in a crusty old body.

 

[ksacres]

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And that sure beats being a wise old soul in a crusty old body.

You guys are too much!

 

[me&thegals]

KSacres--I used to think that way, too........until I had kids. Tell me this, if something does go wrong in your relationship, who protects the kids? Marriages should be high priority and it's really great you put your marriage as top priority. I try to, too. But, kids are very needy little buggers and sometimes they simply have to be put first. You can love your spouse like crazy, and then develop a crazy strong different kind of love for your child. And, this SD was once a little child, probably only about 10 when dad remarried.

Regarding the OP, the whole tone drives me nutty. Slapping her upside the head? Symbolic cuss words to describe her? Yes, children should be respectful. So should adults. Yes, the husband could step in and try for some great communication. So could the step-mother. Why set yourself up for evil stepmother versus evil stepdaughter? You are BOTH fighting over this man. Why? He is your husband. He is her father. Where's the conflict? Can he not be a loving husband and father at the same time?

I think some really mature conversational skills would be very helpful here. I also agree that simply refusing to fight might be helpful. And, as far as I know, a person still has the right to invite whomever they wish to their wedding. I guess your husband could refuse to go since his wife is not invited. Or, maybe you could acknowledge that your being there might be a very painful thing on a really important day. Since your relationships sound very adversarial, I guess I can understand that.

Good luck!