The Inlaws. Grrrr :(

[Sonoran Silkies]

Sometimes "going out to eat" is as much about hte company as about the meal. Did you ask if he meant right then, later that evening or even on a future date? Better than saying an absolute "no" would be to sya yes in a manner that sets some boundaries: "well, we just ate an hour ago, how about we meet for dinner tomorrow evening at 5?" Or, "gee, we just ate--maybe we can get together for dessert & coffee?"

I don't know how not telling other family members about her is going to have any impact--seems like if they already know her, they know what she is like.

 

[FortWorthChicks]

Yeah sonoran silkies I did ask him if he meant right then first, and then I said no. Your right it was more about the company than the meal and I did ask about another time.

Apparently he asked them if we could take them out and treat them to a steak dinner. He was out golfing and drinking when he offered and did not ask us if we wanted to go.

I did suck it up and go and I put on a smile and ate half a salad and half a cup of soup.

I slept alone last night.

and he wont be speaking to me this morning this will last untill I decide to try and make up with him. It is so rediculas, I think the sad truth is he doesn't love me.

I think I am trying to hold something together that just doesn't fit and my arms are getting worn out.

As for the keeping of the secret, people are good at hiding dope. No-one has a clue.

 

[ChikeeMomma]

Fort Worth Chicks -

It is so hard. I have a MIL that could be a huge pain and run things, but thankfully my hubby does stand his ground. It wasn't always this way and it took time. We are now kinda outcasts of the family and we are perfectly okay with that. It's kinda like -- well, if you don't play by my rules. But we've never expected anything of his mother or taken anything from her so it's kinda like -- so what? My MIL is a very, very selfish person. Maybe you and your hubby could go to counseling. Or have an earnest heart to heart with him. Keeping your situation in my prayers.

 

[Mom2Cool]

Quote:
I kind of agree here with you in that it seems like you're the only one trying to hold it together & it's bigger than you & perhaps what you need to do is point out to hubby that you HAVE been nice to her & you HAVE been trying to keep the peace by keeping this (what sounds like) a big whopper of a secret..... I would point out that maybe she & HE should be grateful to you for all of this effort rather than punishing you by not speaking to you???? I would tell him that that you've done your part & now it's THEIR turn! She doesn't have all the cards but rather *you do* & I would make clear if you aren't treated nicer that might persuaded you to clean the slate by letting the ENTIRE family know what's going on secret included! I don't know what this secret is but I think this woman has put you & her son if a horrible position of having to keep it.

 

[HEChicken]

Playing Devil's advocate for a moment....is it possible the gift of maxi pads really was supposed to be thoughtful? Its something you will need and most people wouldn't think to help you out with them. Also, on the "Daddy" clothing. Since your child is her grandchild via her son, I think its kind of natural for her to be proud of her son and think it cute to see her grandchild wearing clothing that proclaims him to be the best Daddy ever. You were right to thank her graciously for them. Quite likely your mother would be most likely to provide "best Mommy ever" clothes versus "best Daddy" clothes herself. While if your mother has a son who has a baby, she would also be looking for the "best Daddy" clothes for THAT grandchild. I really think its always best to give people the "benefit of the doubt" when deciding on their motivations. You may be quite right about her, or it may be that you are seeing things from your point of view without considering hers at all, and that if you realize or even just tell yourself that her heart is "in the right place" it will help your relationship with her - and your husband.

 

[herefordlovinglady]

Quote:
I agree with HE Chicken. What bothers me in your post #12 you seem to have more than just your MIL issues. you sound pretty overwhelmed with hubby issues too. i have no answers and really hope you find some sort of piece. i know how hard it is to balance everything.

 

[FortWorthChicks]

Quote:
I agree with HE Chicken. What bothers me in your post #12 you seem to have more than just your MIL issues. you sound pretty overwhelmed with hubby issues too. i have no answers and really hope you find some sort of piece. i know how hard it is to balance everything.

I pretty much agree with Hechicken too... and so I would never scoff at any gift. (you can clearly see in the picture no scoffing, only laughing and saying I was needing to run out and get these, thank you so much. Even to the last seperatly wrapped package)

I try and see the good, and am by no means perfect.

 

[sfw2]

No advice, just

My late MIL ran hot-and-cold with me. I had married her son, who could do no wrong, and, in her eyes, kept him too far away from her. Depending on who she was mad at, I was either the devil incarnate (we moved back to Virginia, and she lived in Pennsylvania) or I walked on water (just gave her another grandchild). Since we lived so far away, I didn't have to deal with it very often, though, and it was easier to put up with when I did. Plus, my DH knew his mom wasn't perfect, and made no excuses for her.

I can't imagine being in the position you are in. I don't think that your DH doesn't love you. Just sounds like he loves his mother more. Sad.

 

[chickeypoo]

I don't have much to add. just to say.. i am sorry that you have such problems with your mother in law. reading some of these stories makes me more happy to have a good MIL.

i know bad MIL's. my MIL's MIL(ha did ya get that? LOL) was a bad one. my mom's MIL was a bad one. im glad to not have to deal with that. as i type this my MIL is watchign the youngest one while i should be packing(im waiting my SIL to get here lol)

my MIL's MIL is bad. she will pick pick pick until you can't take it. she'd tell my FIL not to do this or to do that.. and if he didn't move fast enough she'd start muttering under her breath about stupid things and then treat everyone in the vicinity like crap. ugh. This lady is my hubby's grandma.. so i try to be nice but one time she was tipping the car seat back with the baby in it and i told her not to do that cuz she dind't like it.(the baby) and she's all "i'm not gonna hurt her" and kept doing it. so i told her "she don't like it" and she flipped on me about it and i took the car seat with baby in it and went away. lol.

my mom's MIL was bad.. when my mom married her husband her colors were blue. she asked her MIL and FIL to wear blue... well, they came to the wedding.. wearing BLACK! and she treated me like crap.. i wasn't her real grandchild and she'd tell me that. i was about 10.. yeah. she didn't have a high seat in my book.

So, i just have to say.. i'm glad for my MIL. and i wish poeple could have MIL's like mine and i feel Terrible for the ones who don't. cuz i know what it's like(maybe not exactly to me but close enough)

 

[redhen]

Honesly.... if you dont like her....you do NOT have to go out to eat with her..
I wouldnt... And it wouldnt bother me one little bit if it bothered my husband.

I know..i know..i may be wrong.. but its MY life..and i'll live it how i want too... And if i dont want to deal with a nasty MIL.. i wont.. Period.
So..its pretty simple for me.

Sometimes people make too much stress in their lives... I just simply would'nt deal with it.
Now..on the OTHER hand...just make sure that your DH knows that HE can go see them whenever HE wants too... that you'll be at home waiting for him..

Also..there is NO way that i'd tolerate any crap from you DH about his mother... no way... I'd tell him ONCE why you do not want to go see her... and thats it...
Yeah..i'm a witch.. but i'm not stressed out by silly people.

Best of luck to you... make sure that you always stand up for yourself... if you really do not want to be around that nasty lady..then dont!