The Village of Critics - Have Your RP Thread Critiqued Today! ~

[Zinnia-Hen]

Welcome to BYC's Village of Critics. Here, we will give constructive criticism to your RP if you request for us to do such by PMing either myself, or another critic. I've created this thread due to the fact there have been many RPs emerging lately, with very few of them thought out. By adding this little club, we will politely give you advice on your RP and tell you what and what not to do, and what you've possibly done so far that is good. Just remember, if you want to be critiqued, what we're saying isn't meant to be offensive. It's only meant to help. I would at least like you to make sure you're ready to handle some negativity, although none of it is intended to be hurtful/directed towards you.

We also accept character critiques.

Rules:
*All BYC rules apply.
*Don't take any of our critiques as a threat. We're trying to make your RP better with our constructive criticism, so people will want to join it after you fix it up. If you take our advice, at least.
*Be friendly; do not bash another person's RP/character no matter how undeveloped, try not to be too snappy, etc.
*Remember, RPs are only games.
*If you would like your critique removed for any reason, please PM me in a polite manner. Thank you.

Your Lovely Critics:

The Large & in Charge: Zinnia-Hen

The Scarlett Writer: chickendiva25

Inky Fingers: NixNoodleNumbat

Spaz Attack: HollyBird24

 

[Broken]

Mhm.
Add Holly.

 

[Zinnia-Hen]

Mhm.
Add Holly.

She's exactly who really needs to join. I won't force her into it if she doesn't want to, though.

 

[Kevin565]

Great Idea Zinnia

. I was just thinking about something similar earlier today. This could defiantly be a great asset to the RP community.

 

[Zinnia-Hen]

Thanks, Kevin. :3

 

[Zinnia-Hen]

A requested critique on LittleLady's Greek God RP. Below I will be the one speaking in bold.

This will be a RP about Greek gods, godesses, demi-gods, and mortals. You can send in your forms early to me.

Note: Please read about the god/dess you want to be before making the form.

So far, so good. Research is a very important aspect in RPs such as these.

The gods have done everything they can for the mortals, but they aren't satisfied. They want more, they wish to overthrow the gods. They want the power of the gods. They know that they will die, but they don't care. They will kill the demi-gods first, then the goddesses, the the lesser gods. Then finally, Zeus himself.

Zeus knows their plan. He must act fast. He calls together all the gods and demi-gods. They form a plan to destroy the rebellious mortals.



Who will succeed? The answer is to come...

Honestly, I don't know if I like the plot so much. The Greek people respected their Gods and Goddesses very much, and didn't wish to overthrow them. I know, it's fantasy and the whole deal didn't really ever happen, but there isn't much logic behind it. This, and the Gods and Goddesses most likely wouldn't be the type to kill their people. They didn't embody an all powerful God such as the one in Christianity, Islam, and Judaism; but acted as if they were real life people. This, and they played out certain events in Ancient Greek history. I'm not saying I absolutely hate or want you to change the plot completely, I just think it could use a bit of thinking over.

Here is the form to message to me.

Name:
Rank (god, goddess, demi-god, mortal, etc.):
Appearance:
Personality:
Other:
BYC username:

Characters:

Name: Zeus
Rank: god
Appearance:
Personality: Terrifying, but kind and just.
Other: He is lord of the sky, the rain god. His weapon is a thunderbolt which he hurls at those who displease him. He is also known to punish those that lie or break oaths.
Power: Controls thunder and lightning.
BYC username: LittleLady98


Name: Hera
Rank: goddess
Appearance: Tall beautiful, has long wavy dark brown hair.
Personality: Sweet but strong in what she thinks is right.
Other: Likes power.
Power: Controls water.
Byc username: willowbranchfarm

Hera wasn't exactly sweet; she was a jealous, vicious, and very controlling woman. She didn't like to see Zeus around other women.


Name: Persephone
Rank (god, goddess, etc.): goddess
Appearance:Tall and very elegant. Her hair is a deep black color and very curly, normally pulled up in a ponytail.
Personality: A bit controlling, but in the end she's a good person.
Other:
BYC username: chickendiva25


I don't really think Persephone was portrayed as too controlling. After all, she was the one kidnapped and acted more-or-less submissive towards Hades.

Name: Apollo
Rank (god, goddess, etc.): god
Appearance: His features are well chiseled. Not overly muscled, but just enough. His hair is a light sandy blond color.
Personality: Cocky, a bit of a joker. Can be serious at times.
Other:
BYC username: chickendiva25

I don't know if I would call him cocky, but rather, calm. You're off to a good start with Apollo, however.


Name:Ares
Rank (god, goddess, etc.): God
Appearance: Tall, Muscular, brown hair, brown eyes.
Personality: Likes to Fight in battle. Can be a gentle men.
Other: God of war. Has the power to create warriors. Son of Zeus. Has wings. Can fly.
BYC username: OreoPlymothRock
Pic:

Ares wouldn't be portrayed as a gentlemen. Unlike his sister, Athena, who represents the more peaceful part of adding intelligence to a war, Ares represented the actual battle itself. Therefore, he embodied the "overwhelming, destructive, and man-slaughtering" portion of the war. So he would be a bit of a cocky block-headed brute.

When LittleLady tells you to do your research, please do your research.

Name: Venus (Aphrodite)
Rank (god, goddess, etc.): Goddess
Appearance: Deep brown hair, that curls and is light to the touch with bright green eyes
Personality: She is stubborn and snappish
Other: None
BYC username: CochinBrahmaLover


Aphrodite is the Goddess of love, beauty, pleasure, and procreation. She would not be stubborn and snappy, but loving and motherly. This, and you should probably mention in her appearance that she is gorgeous. In Greek mythology, all of the other Gods feared her beauty would cause battles. Just pointing this out.

I hope I could help a bit. Let me know if you need some more.

 

[LittleLady98]

Thanks Zinnia, I'll work on the RP tomorrow.

 

[Zinnia-Hen]

You're welcome.

 

[CochinBrahmaLover]

I gotta change Venus's personality

Really should've thought that through

 

[Zinnia-Hen]

An RP critiquing session requested by armdchicken. I will be the one speaking below in bold.

The war has begun, the pokemon clans tired of each other. The war has gotten out of control, the clans are trying to kill each other, trying to win this war. The clans are made up of many pokemon, some separated by breed, some by types, and few that aren't separated. The legendaries, are loners, who are fighting to protect their territories, which is being invaded by many pokemon clans. Which clan are you in? Will your clan win? Or will you die on the battle ground?

I'm not sure if this RP's idea will appeal to most of BYC's audience, when I was younger I was really into Pokemon and all, but nowadays I've really outgrown it and I'm sure many of us have too. That, and RPs based off of series don't always end up too well. It's best to come up with your own original idea that hasn't really been used before. Though, that may be a bit hypocritical of me, considering I've opened several horse RPs. *brick'd*

I'm not saying your RP is bad, either. The fighting idea is okay, nothing too special or original, but okay.


Rules:
No RL Fighting, keep it in pms
No Pokemon is invincible
Not every moves hits, nor do they all miss
Keep fighting some what realistic
Use only the Pokemon's real moves, in other words use only the moves it can know
No Fakemon
a limit of One legendary per person
All other BYC rules apply
Have fun!
Also one more very important rule: One move per post, we want it to be fair and somewhat like an actual pokemon battle....

I can agree with all rules here, aside from the limit of one legendary pokemon per person. I don't think everyone should have one, but rather, the system should be first come first serve. This is because there weren't very many of these guys in the actual series, so it would be a bit odd to have a bunch of them running around and popping up 24/7. I would keep it down to three to five legendary pokemon.

Clans: (you can join an already made clan,or make your own)
Pyromaniacs: A clan made of up pokemon who mainly use fire moves. They are heartless and care for no other clans. The do take prisoners when it benefits them.

Alpha Male: Fyre
Alpha Female: (open)
Beta Male: (Open)
Beta Female: Lilac
General: (open)
Warriors: (none)
Scouts: (none)
Hunters: (none)
Healers: (None)
elders: (none):
Younglings: (none)

ONLY Dragon and Dark Type Pokemon can join, the ranks are

Leader: A legendary pokemon named Eclipse and she's a girl she's loyal and brave she stands strong and fearless. She is an Arceus (Taken)
Warriors: Needed
Healers: Needed
Trainers: Needed
Protecters: Needed
The Dragon and Dark type Pokemon are sometimes peaceful and they are fearless.

AN EVEE CLAN! Only Eevee and Eevee evolutions are allowed! I will update more but heres a little bit about it
Each Eevee evolution controls all of the eevee's like it, like theres a leader Jolteon for all the jolteons, theres a leader Vaporeon for all the vaporeons, and so on, tho the ultimate leader is Rose, the mother of each of all the leaders of their kind (Jolteon leader, Vapereon leader, Flareon leader etc)

Legendary Pokemon Taken:
Raikou - armdchicken
Zapdos - cochinbrahmalover
arceus - IMMASHEIK
Form:

Name:
Clan:
Rank:
Gender:
Species:
Personality:
Mate/crush:
History:
Other:
Pic:
Username:

Pokemon:

Name: Fyre
Clan: Pyromaniacs
Rank: Alpha Female
Gender: Male
Species: Charziard
Personality: He is controlling, hates most other pokemon except his mate, and is very rarely nice.
Mate/crush: Alpha Female
History: He beat the old alpha and took his place.
Other: None
Pic:
Username: Armdchicken

Name: Lilac
Clan: Pyromaniac
Rank: Beta female
Gender: F
Species: Ponyta
Personality: Shes sweet and shy
Mate/crush: No and NO
History: She was born in a herd, then got lost, found these guys
Other: None
Pic:
Username: CochinBrahmaLover

Name: Ember
Clan: Pyromaniacs
Rank: Youngling
Gender: Female
Species: Growlithe
Personality: Bubbly, always wants to play, she is always wanting to do something.
Mate/crush: No and No
History: Not much since she is young...
Other: None
Pic:
Username: Armdchicken

Name: Thunder
Clan: Loner
Rank: Loner
Gender: Male
species: Raikou
Personality: He can be nice unless you provoke him. He hates any pokemon who invades his territory.
Mate/crush: None
History: Unknown
Other: None
Pic:

Name: Bolt
Clan: His Own- Loner
Rank: Alpha Male
Gender: M
Species: Zapdos
Personality: Snappish, just likes to fight
Mate/crush: No and NO
History: Hes old, hes fought a lot
Other: None
Pic:
Username: CochinBrahmaLover

Name: Drei
Clan: Eclipse's clan
Rank: Warrior
Gender: Male
Species: Hydreingon
Personality: Rp it out...
Mate/crush: None and None
History: He grew up training to become a warrior.
Other: None
Pic:
Username: Armdchicken