Those abominable bragging Christmas letters !

[newchickenfamily]

Umm, thanks for the first snort through the nose laugh of the day! I LOVED it!! Those dang letters make me want to vomit!

 

[antiquebuff]

Buff, You should write a book, you have a way with words!! I loved it!

Or, better yet, Advertise to write everyones Christmas letters for them. You would make a mint! and get more chickens............

 

[mychickensrock]

I have to say that I have one family member who sends out a "look at me! Look at me!" letter every year. The rest of us read it and snicker about how wonderful they think they are. On the flip side, I have a friend who sends one too. Hers is the complete opposite. She does tell about what the kids have been up to but it's more like, "Elizabeth has really enjoyed playing soccer this year." Truth be told, her kid could have been the star player, but she'd never be braggy about it. Let's see, what would mine say...

Dear family and friends,
This year is no different than any other. We are drowning in debt and I'm having one medical ordeal after another. I think I may start turning tricks to pay my medical bills as the hubby's job isn't quite making ends meet. Things are never dull around here though. Sophie (the Italian Greyhound) continues to pee and poo all over the floor. Thanks to her, no one is ever invited to our house. The cats never cease to entertain us with their constant chasing. Boogie is just as goofy and laid back as ever, and shedding everywhere as usual. The kids fuss everyday and try to beat the crap out of each other every chance they get. If they aren't fighting, it's the tattling. I sure do love a school day! We added chickens to our little ark. FINALLY getting some eggs. We love to watch tv and play video games and encourage the kids to do the same, mainly so they'll shut up. Hope you all have a Merry Christmas.

Let's all start a new trend...the truthful Christmas letter!!! They are so much more entertaining. See, others can laugh at our expense and we can laugh at theirs.

 

[patandchickens]

Y'all just need a translation utility to run those letters through, when you get them. I suspect most of them would come out a little too much like:

"Dear Person That I Hope Remembers Me But I Fear May Actually Be Glad To Have Started To Forget,

We are feeling rather insecure this year. Our hoped-for transformation into America's richest, most powerful and stylish celebrity family has once again failed to materialize, and as this run continues year after year, we begin to fear that we may never actually be featured on tv or recognized on the street.

Our children, who quite frankly are quite a nuisance sometimes, do not seem to be any better overall than anybody else's. We have harassed them to become great and provide us with coattails on which to ride, but it remains to be seen how well this will work in the long term.

Financially, we are probably in trouble but spending madly to try to pretend otherwise. We hate our jobs but don't dare look for other work because of the looming credit card balances and upcoming balloon payment due on the mortgage.

We hope that we have been able to make you feel that your life is not going as well as ours, since that is probably our best hope at getting ahead in some way.

Cheerily yours,

The Long Xeroxed Christmas Letter People"

Pat

 

[WriterofWords]

Ummmm I hope I don't know anyone you do? I'm hired each year to help write those pesky letters! You think it's hard reading them? Try trying to to turn a horrible boring, yucky, life into something interesting?? They want to send letters that make then sound wonderful and well traveled!

Here is a few helpful hints on how to take those letters:

Traveled a lot this year! We drove to Wal-Mart and KFC 30 times in one month!

The kids are doing great in school: No one has been expelled in over a week!

We will be welcoming a new addition this year:
1. Birth control failed again darn it!
2. Teenage daughter or son, birth control failed darn it!

The finances couldn't be better:
Bubba has had a job for a month now, the same job!

We put in a swimming pool:
The septic tank caved in.

Bubba or Bubbette got a promotion:
Went from bringing in the carts to door greeter. (nothing wrong with either job btw)

 

[Fudgie]

Oh these are too hilarious! Gives you a whole new spin on Christmas Chain letters!

 

[GracefulBantams]

Quote:
Love it!

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Well, ours will be something like this:

Dear _________________

We are still breathing, living at the same address, and if you are wondering why you haven't heard from us all year until now, it's probably because we haven't heard from you either!

Kids have grown several inches in the past year. We did add another one to the group this year. Why? Because we can, that's why. He will most likely be the last one, but no promises on that, we are married ya know!

Only thing around here that outnumbers the kids is the number of chickens we own. The attack turkeys are doing great! The neighbors don't even try to come over! They moved in back in June, haven't met them yet.

We hope you have had a busy year, which would explain why we haven't heard from you. Our work around the place is never done, so no time for new fandangled gadgets that break the day after the warranty expires.

Will write again next Christmas

The Crazy Chicken People

 

[Southernbelle]

Quote:
That IS how I write my letters!

I got a lot of positive feedback on the stories about my son. I wrote about the time I had to extract him from a ceiling fan and the time he strapped himself in the baby's bouncy seat and tried to ride it down the stairs like a sled.

 

[Chicabee19]

All you guys crack me up. I'm trying to think up a letter of my own.

(only some of this is very loosely based on our actual life)


Hey there Everyone.

Well, another year has passed on by. We hope you all are just as happy and content as we are.

You'll be happy to hear Jim is still working on the remodel of the house, and while it's true that it has taken him 10 years, that time sure did fly by. I hope one day soon we'll be able to have visitors up to the house. I hardly ever notice the unfinished parts anymore, and I am so very happy that I can use our toilet again. It was getting really tiresome trying to come up with good reasons to visit the neighbors every few hours.

One of these days one of Jim's inventions is sure going to take off! and then we'll be sitting pretty, don't you know? In the meantime, it's so very interesting to wander around down in the basement looking at the hundreds of really unique and interesting objects he's come up with. I really don't mind that all our extra income goes into these endeavors, as Jim is confident one of these days he's going to hit it big and we'll be millionaires. I have so much faith in him.

We've been really excited because our son-in-law managed to find five or six really good jobs this year, and we're ecstatic that our daughter has decided to have another child. She says it's no problem really, what with how well I have taught their other six to cook and clean, and how I take such good care of their house.


I'm re-sending that really pretty photo of me from 2002.