What do you do with an unmotivated 18 year old?

[Momagain1]

Quote:
Doesn't matter. He's unmedicated for mental problems. He's made the threat. Call the police and crisis center. Here, it's at very least a 72 hour hold for his own safety. They can make it longer if he's not taking basic care of himself and taking his medications.

ABSOLUTELY!!! We did it..it was hard..but we did....
I really hope the OP makes the call...

but maybe; we have to realize; sometimes parents unknowingly like the stress it brings..and
not ready to give up the enabler role...

and definitely agree with kera!, prayers do help..but God gave us the ability to use medical science to get
help as well...so prayers AND medical help is what he needs..

 

[lorrir]

April 1st is 15 days away. Bring home boxes and start putting his stuff in the boxes start stacking the boxes by the front door. On April 1st put the boxes out on the sidewalk/driveway.

Pack him a nice lunch and give him a pat on the back as he walks out the door.

My DH and I have 6 children between us. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. The hardest thing we have every done is "push" our children out the door. At 18 they should be able to live the way they choose and that if that means somewhere else so be it. After 18 years YOU should be able to live the way you want!

Raising children is all about guilt and regret. Guilt you didn't do enough and regret you did too much. Moving your son out will be good for both of you. Once he is out hurry up and redo his room so you won't be so eager to let him come back.

Good luck.

 

[arabianequine]

I have income plans for when he is out to use that room and the girls room. Like I said his has to be redone first. I just can't with him here acting like he does.

 

[arabianequine]

I swear it is hard to compete with perfect people. Its all a big conspiracy to my husband. I don't talk and all he does is grump about me not talking no different right?

 

[texasgal]

Quote:
I'm still reading .. but this appears to be my answer, so far. ^^see bolding. He reminds me of a nightmare that used to live with us. He still doesn't have his GED .. is tired of working fast food .. but we "can't tell him what to do anymore" .. *shrug*

 

[welsummerchicks]

Time to get a social worker involved. Go talk to the people at the local mental health agency and let them guide you in how to approach your son and read 'I'm not Sick and I Don't Need Help', a great book.

When something is overwelming your family and it seems like everything is lost and nothing can help, that is the time to seize ahold of a new approach - throwing them out/tough love is not really the answer when the real issue is a medical one.

It just is not always right to just simply say he's not motivated or lazy and kick him out - something is wrong. He has a disorder and it needs to be treated. Not only that there are other disorders, undiagnosed possibly, that may be the real problem.

When I see an 'unmotivated' 18 yr old, no interest in school, nothing, with ocd add.....about a million alarm bells go off.

You CAN get a family member to take medication and they CAN get better and they CAN get a better quality of life and your life can be better too. Seek out help and it can happen.

 

[ChickenAlgebra]

Quote:
Doesn't matter. He's unmedicated for mental problems. He's made the threat. Call the police and crisis center. Here, it's at very least a 72 hour hold for his own safety. They can make it longer if he's not taking basic care of himself and taking his medications.

ABSOLUTELY!!! We did it..it was hard..but we did....
I really hope the OP makes the call...

No, it's not an easy call as a parent. It's not an easy call as a 21 y/o sister either, but maybe easier because I was getting pissy at how spoiled I saw her.

But at 24 y/o - it was still harder, no matter how much I was mad at her or my parents, to bury her from a problem that might have been fixable had someone done something, esp given they'd gotten that warning 3 years before of the massive problems. I mean, they don't strip someone of their rights to deny medical care for 23 days for no problem.

15 years later - it's still hard to know that she never got the help she needed, and never got the chance to grow up, know her nieces/nephews, have a family, anything that we now take for granted. It's worse seeing the baby who was 15 when this happened see the massive problems and the death of her sister and it took some fights, but she did change her life around and is now 30, got married last summer, works as a social worker and is a decent person.

 

[welsummerchicks]

I would not assume that anything useful would come out of a 72 hour hold - for one thing, the police take them in and then what generally happens is they are out of there in about 40 minutes, no matter what you say. And there IS no 72 hour hold. Or any medication, or anything else.

Don't kid yourself. Generally, this is not the answer. Not even close.

FURTHER - there is absolutely no indication from anything I've read or experienced, that a 'threat' is even the slimmest possibility of a 72 hour hold or ANYTHING.

Again, you haven't been through this and you don't know the legalities and practicalities involved and to blithely make such declarations that this will result in a 72 hr hold and that will result in a 72 hr hold, that is not right.

The truth is that parents BEG cops to do things in far, far worse circumstances and rarely is anything ever done.

The cops actually have to SEE him hurt someone, in most states, to even CONSIDER taking him anyplace.

You can get free help from your county - call them - mental health services. they can start working this problem. These things don't get solved instantly or easily or by one big drama. They require persistence and knowledge - that's where the county MH services come in.

 

[babylady4]

Sent through a text or not: call the cops, stop threatening to do it. Time for some very tough love; he is 18 and it is time he started to do something with his life and to face his issues and deal with them.

You cannot live his life for him; continuing to 'fix' his problems only makes them worse. You will not be around forever to help him out.

 

[arabianequine]

I have called the police several times over the years nothing done when they come really. He as also been in our local mental health 3 times over the years and they stop services and close his case because he won't talk.

Not sure anyone can make him....a friend from byc pm'ed me and said for me too go and I am going to I decided for more issues then just my sons problems.