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It isn't even the money issue that bothers me the most.....if everyone waited until they could truely afford a baby no one would ever have one! What bothers me is that you don't even have your own home......you are living in his parents house. Move out....rent a place of your own or build your house.....either one, but have your own place before you have a baby.
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And the idea that if you have your own place, that the grandparents will not get to know their grandchild is just plain wrong--unless you plan to move cross country a few thousand miles away, which it does not sound like. As a new family, you need your own space. If the in-laws had a big rambling home, and a fair portion of it was available to you & dh as your private residence, maybe mving out wouldn't be such a big deal, but as it is, the house is small, you have one room, which is both cold and hot, depending on weather, heavy smokers in the rest of the house.
Take things one step at a time--figure out when you can complete the house (be it a build, purchase of an existing home or a rental), and do not even THINK about planning a baby until you have been in it for at least several months. It is one thing to daydream about having kids. Mycousin knew what she would name her daughter from the time she was a child, and I can remember daydreaming about different things about being a mama when I was little. But there is a huge difference between daydreaming and planning. At this stage of your life, any daydreaming should be minimal--not an extensive focus.
My husband wants the kids soon incase his parents pass away before our are old enough to have a chance to remember them. He doesn't want the kids in his parent's house for that purpose though. He never got to really know his grandfather since he passed away when he was young and didn't know his mother's dad either. I only knew my mom's grandmother since the others passed away early. His mother already had cancer years ago and his dad is having problems from where he was in the house with her when she was having the treatment which the radiation affected him. He also wants them to know my parents which they live 14 hours away and have health problems and don't have much money so the kids won't get to see them often. I talked with my husband about the insurance, my worries, and a few other things. He isn't worried about the money to much except for the delivery and possible complications which he does want the insurance for that. He doesn't mind paying out of the pocket for the doctor visits. I think we finally have it settled. We will sign up for insurance now and find out when we would be covered for all the doctor costs to have a baby. While that is going on we will get the house plans and other stuff ready to start building the house. That way we will be in the house before we have any kids and so I won't be around the smoke while pregnant and to have everything settled in. I'm going to be trying to get into college this fall hopefully so I can get that started. I also told my husband I want the baby to be born during the summer cause the winters around here are bad and I'm worried about going into labor and get stuck on the way there. He agreed it would be better since it is a 20 minute drive to the hospital on good days. I have some baby books I left at my dads house that I'll have sent up to give to my husband to read and for me to go over them again. One is a large thick book that my sister got for free when it was being offered from the Mayo Clinic website and the other is one I found at a goodwill that had detailed describtions on how to clean the baby during diaper changes and other stuff that the Mayo one didn't go into much detail over. We've been together for a little over 7 years and have not used any type of birth control so I'm not worried about becoming pregnant before we would be covered. If we did then we would handle it and do a payment plan with the hospital. I do plan to breastfeed since I trust my milk better than the formula but know that sometimes babies have to have the formula. I'll use a pump before the formula though. We rarely get into arguements and I'll nag if I don't get my way. I guess that is what wives are for. That is how we came to an agreement on this. Our house is going to be built only a blocks distance down the road so his parents can ride the golf cart over to see us. His sister only lives a few miles away also. While we are holding off he doesn't know this but when we are at family gatherings I'm going to be handing him some kids so he can get more hands-on experience. I got lucky to have a chance at helping my sister raise her daughter for the first year and a half since the dad was a drug user and didn't come around. My husband didn't have that chance so he doesn't know what is in store for him. I know we will have it easier than my sister did due to us having money and there are two of us with plenty of relatives willing to lend us a hand. We do have relatives willing to give us hand-me-downs and I wish there was a goodwill here. I'd live in it. I'll be yard sale and craigslist shopping instead for used items. Seen a cute 9 piece crib bedding set on craigslist that online costs over $200 beind sold for only $50. I do appericate all the concerns, help, and information. Especially knowing about the insurance wait was a huge help. Neither one of us knew about that since before we got together we were covered by our parents plan. One thing that wasn't covered in the books I've read that I would like to know is how to potty train a boy. We are going to hold off till we are settled down and check the income to figure things out before starting. I think my husband realized that he can't just be popping out kids without planning it through to raise them better than we were raised. My family was on food stamps, saved money, used coupons, and had gov't help. His family he had his grandmother living here which pretty much raised him and his sister while his parents worked but his mom also spends a lot of money on stuff she doesn't need and unhealthy foods. We don't eat to good but are trying to change that around for our health and to set a good example for our kids one day. If anyone does have any good tips please do tell.
