what would you do if.....

[WingingIt]

I hope that today is a much better day for you. I was thinking last night, and I don't know where he is or what his MOS is, but if he's lucky enough to have any semi-regular down time over there, he can sign up and do a college course while he's deployed. We had several soldiers that I know do that on DH's last deployment because their jobs didn't require them being off the FOB as much as others were or they'd do a little before going to bed on the days that they got back early enough. That might be something he could look into to give him a head start on his college and lets him explore what kind of classes he's interested in and make him feel like he's starting on the path to a great future for you all. You said he wants to get out, so right now he probably feels like he's not doing much for you except causing you extra work by being away........so at the very least, getting him talking and planning about college might get him excited and more proud of himself and what he is accomplishing there.

I reread what I wrote last time and I want to clarify something...........please don't think that I'm saying not to ever vent to him. That's not what I meant. DH and I still have arguements while he's deployed, I just try not to dump the everyday 'the kids are behaving like wild animals' on him constantly because that's a fairly normal thing

and it passes as quickly as it comes. We'd argue about the way I fixed something or a decision I had to make on the spot that he didn't like, but he had to realize it's not like I could pick up the phone and ask his opinion. You ARE in charge there and things will be done differently than if he were home and that's just fine because you took care of it. And by all means, if he's stressed and picking on you for no reason other than to get it out, tell him to knock that crap off. I'd send an email after calls like that telling him that I love him and I know he's just venting, but venting TO me is a lot different that venting AT me......and he needs to get it straight. It helps.

I'm here to listen anytime.

 

[sourland]

Wow, this thread forces a lurker out of the shadows. I think that Winging It has given the best advice that I have ever seen offered on any thread. I think she nailed it. She's been there-done that. Both you and your husband are dealing with excessive stress and probably the most unreasonable demands that your relationship has ever faced. He can't 'help' you from where he is. As a testosterone laden thick headed male (even at 69) I understand how frustrating that can be. Follow Winging It's advice for the present. When he gets home it will be time to deal with real life. Don't let this be a deal breaker at the present time. I understand introversion and the sense of belonging that animals can provide. I also understand the sense of belonging and strength that a true love can provide. I've been married for 46 years to a woman who truely makes breathing worthwhile. Only once in a moment of pique did she say "I don't know whether you love me or those dogs the most." I replied "don't be foolish, but don't ever ask me to make a choice. Because whatever the choice, you won't be happy." Ride this moment out. Enjoy the honeymoon when he returns-then get down to the job of working this out. Oh Yeah!!!! Marriage is a day by day job. Good luck-Geo.

 

[applecheeksaz]

Well I would say if you love me and know this makes me happy then why would you even consider making me choose? That a horrible thing to ask I love my husband but I don't think I could give up my dogs.

 

[cassie]

Quote:
If he has so little regard for her feelings and what is important to her he is NOT a keeper. This is not about the dogs. This is about control. I would be curious as to what else is going on and the dynamics of their relationship. And I would be very concerned that this guy will turn into an abuser.

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
me too, but my DH would never ask me to do that. He knows how important having these animals in my life is to me.

 

[ranchhand]

Quote:

and a big

to this very realistic post. Husbands are not to be dumped any more than pets are.