There's so many reasons and excuses out there as to why. Seems to me though, that the guys who cheat, were the ones that were flaky, self entitled, impulsive, and "spontaneous" in a bad way. But then there are guys not that bad, who got tangled up with a conniving, manipulating woman. Regardless, the one thing all cheaters lack is self control, honor, respect, and honesty. All very key things needed in a long lasting and committed relationship. So once those colors are shown... throw them out of your dating pool. It's just not worth the heart ache, loss of trust, stress, anxiety, all the emotions that come from being treated that way. If you take them back, you're more prone to becoming bitter, resentful, untrusting... who wants to be like that because of a guy/girl?
Take some you time, build up your self esteem, learn from the experience, and get on the hunt for a decent man. Life is too short to waste it on a guy that doesn't treat you right.
I think too many people (guys more so than girls) date someone out of convenience or proximity. They get along well enough, have some chemistry, but it isn't eye-locking, gut wrenching, can't-sleep-without-you LOVE.
I had to date a lot to find my husband. We've been married for 10 years (coming this March) and we still have that silly newly wed crap going on. But man, was it hard to find him! In the end he fell in my lap, but it was quite the process to get there. I had to date all kinds to figure out what it was I was looking for, and what would be a deal breaker, and what personality, all manner of things. I looked at it as... I'm only getting married 1 time, so I better be dang picky.
Oh, you're a flirt and you think you're hot stuff? Next.
You want to know where I am 24/7 and leave flowers on my car like a stalker? Next.
What do you mean split the check? This is the first date that YOU asked me to go on! Next!!
Way to let the door slam in my face. Next!
Your ex girlfriend sure calls you a lot. Next!
Oh, you're still dating someone? Aren't you an a-hole. NEEEEXT!
You have trust issues. I understand, but I don't want the baggage. You have how many baby-mommas? No. Next!
It's sweet that your mother stills takes care of you at your age. Next!!!
How many times are you going to tell me how hot my best friend is? Next!
Wow, you're weird. I mean, I was ok with the D&D games with your buddies, but you dress up and go to conventions too? NEXT!
I see you still work at K-Mart. But man you're hot. Ok, get it together, hotness doesn't matter... Next!
You don't like animals? Now that's a deal breaker. But you had a lot of potential. Next!
Must you check yourself out in every smooth surface you walk past? Next!
Insert the night I met husband. I saw him across the room, leaning against the wall, all 6'3 of him. Wow, those are some blue eyes. But wait... pretty it as pretty does... let's talk to him. What is going on with these butterflies in my stomach? Better do a mirror check and give myself a prep talk. Ok, ready now. Wait, now there's a girl talking to him. He looks awful bored! OMG, did he just check me out? He did! I caught him! OOoohhh SNAP he gave her the brush off! Oh, he's looking at me again! Go over there! (I didn't even feel my feet move, it was like I gravitated) I asked him for a cigarette even though I had some in my pocket. Neat, same brand I like. Asked him all the usual questions.. where he lives, where he works, told him about me. A lot about me. I must have sounded like a moron. But he never looked bored!
He always paid. He always got the door for me. Asked if he could kiss me, asked if he could hold my hand. Very old fashioned. Very polite. When I told my mom about him the next day, I couldn't even stand up straight to talk about him. He had the same issue and we laughed about it later. We were engaged 6 months after meeting and married 1 year later.
Never looked at another girl. Never had any patience if one was trying to talk to him. He thinks girls are silly, irritating, manipulating, ect. But not me. I'm different.
I wanted the guy that thought I was different, that had a lot in common with me, liked animals, and didn't know how good looking he was. And a big long list of other things.
Think of all the guys you dated. Why didn't it work out. Make a list of deal breakers, don't stay with someone just because you want something to do Friday night. Or because you don't want to be alone. As soon as you know you wouldn't marry someone, cut them loose. Unless you're not looking for a husband, then it doesn't matter. But the best advice my mom ever gave me, was "Don't date someone you wouldn't marry". Saved me a lot of time and grief.
And when I met my husband, I knew it. I knew it so fast I was blind sided.
There might also be some changes you need to make for yourself to be a better part of a relationship. I had to change my high and mighty attitude. My husband helped me do that. Some may have the reverse issue. A good guy will tell you what he likes about you, without you prodding him to do so. he won't make it sound like he tells all the girls that. You can tell that kind, the ones who over flatter and treat you so good... it seems fake. Don't get caught up in that, those are heart breaks waiting to happen. You'll know if it's natural or an act, follow your gut feelings. Cheaters are real good about promising the moon and then not calling you for 3 days or more.
You don't want clingy, nor do you want to be clingy. You don't want them to call you 10 times a day, and you don't want to do that either. You don't want to assume the worse of someone because of past experience. Treat everyone new like a fresh clean slate, because they are until you find out otherwise.
Scrap this guy. So you cheated on me? That's what you think of this relationship? I don't care if you're sorry, and I don't believe you when you say it won't happen again. You don't even look that sorry. Oh well. Next!
