My best friend has depression and i don't know if i can help

[Jemma Rider]

So sorry about your Roxy, beardies can be such a personable lizard. Just remember that you made her life so much better. I'm glad to hear that you can talk to your mom too, that must be a relief. I understand the feeling of walking on eggshells around your friend. Depression is a real risk for suicide, but please understand that you will not and cannot be the cause of anything that she may do to herself. It is a disease, one that is a constant struggle. Hopefully, she can get help, with counseling and medication. If you can talk to her mother about your concerns, she may be able to get the help she needs. Just remember, it is not your job to save her, it is your job to save yourself. If that means creating some space away from your friend, do it.
Just something else to bear in mind, not saying that this is what's going on, but some people use suicide threats as a means to manipulate others around them. Take a hard look at the relationship, and try to decide if your friend really needs you, or is just using you. Is she there for you like you try to be there for her? If not, then she may not be such a great friend.

Yes i love my mom, she went through a lot of stuff when she was younger but got help when she was older so i have someone who i can talk to, i tried the whole counseling talking thing it just didn't work for me, i feel better when i can just hang out with my birds and read a book.
My best friend is getting help as well, that's pretty much what I'm worried about is her just giving up one day and me somehow being the cause for it, which i know is slightly illogical and i try to stick with logics when doing anything, but that obviously doesn't always work. Thank you very much,

 

[Jemma Rider]

Jemma, I think that you have just created 'Jemma's Team', and we will be here to serve as a sounding board and hopefully help.

If you don't mind explaining, what does that mean?

 

[MissChick@dee]

If you don't mind explaining, what does that mean?

That means we’re all here to support you! You have a whole team behind you. We’re getting uniforms and pom-pom’s and practicing cheer’s. We all meet over @oldhenlikesdogs house...okay I went a little over the top with that but you get the idea.

 

[candlearo12]

I feel really silly posting this, i don't like things about my personal life floating around on the internet raw exposed and unprotected but i don't know what else to do.
My best friend has depression and anxiety and i have anxiety (what kind of a pair are we).
I don't know if i can handle it much longer. I have this cousin, he's always bullied me i got used to it after a while, but he's very close friends with my best friend. It's made things very complicated since he still taunts me and bullies me even though he's close to turning eighteen, but my best friend had always given him the benefit of the doubt and chose to ignore it all.
I've known my best friend to have depression for a little over two years now, it's never been a horribly big deal (i mean of course it's a big deal but i feel like everything has been worse recently). I don't know if i can take it much longer. Just last week she had a, for lack of a better word, very public meltdown while ordering Italian ice which of course spiked my anxiety as well, but the burden of calming her down fell to me once again, and me being as awkward as i am i still don't know how to comfort her or even if i can.
Tonight is yet another example of me saying all the wrong things and now I'm just sitting here with my way to fast heartbeat in my ears and i can't slow it down.
I pretty much had my anxiety and my nerves in check up until a year ago when my lizard died, she was very special, i rescued her and helped her recover from her first owners neglect. She's the first thing I've felt connected to if that makes any sense, like it was just me and my baby girl, against the rest of the world.
And now I'm pretty sure my flock and my three ten week old pullets have fowl pox, I'm starting high school, and the anniversary of the day i rescued my beloved Roxy heart is approaching and i don't know what to do.
I feel like this is just one of those years where your life falls apart and there is absolutely nothing you can do about anything but hope it glues itself back together. before my lizard i had actually never lost anyone or anything, and then she died and now everything is just slowly withering away and i can't help but wonder if there's something I'm doing wrong.
But back to my friend i just don't know what to do anymore, as of tonight she's shut down her Pinterest account so she can't talk to anybody (she says she needs some time off-line, which i suppose could be good for her but i don't know), she says she'll be back in a few days. It's all my fault honestly i said something about my idiot cousin and it set her off, i tried to retract what i had said but, like everything, it just spiraled out of control.
I just want to be normal honestly, I'm so sick of feeling like I'm suffocating all of the time. It's actually why i got my chickens, they calm me down really quickly but with my current suspicions of fowl pox I'm relying solely on lavender essential oils.
I love my best friend so much, but I'm at a point where i think i need to think about myself, i can't keep doing this weird thing, where i deal with her issues (or try to anyway, feels like everything i say or do makes it worse) and then i crash and deal with my own i want to feel calm just for a minute that would be amazing. I feel like this whole thing with her is ripping me to shreds, but i can't do anything I'm trapped, if i say the wrong thing or do anything wrong I'm afraid it could throw her over the ledge.
I just wanted to talk i guess to someone who has no stake in the matter and doesn't know me so there's no bias.
I'm wondering if someone out there with a loved one struggling with depression or anxiety or something could give me a bit of advice on how I'm supposed to help, if i can at all. All i want is to help her feel better, i know that isn't always possible but still. I know it's a heavy topic and i feel horrible for asking but i don't know what else to do other then Google and i can't trust Google.
Everything is so much simpler when i can just type out clear, coherent statements or questions.
Here are some quick pictures of Roxy, since her anniversary is approaching, she would've been five earlier this year, she deserved for more people to look at her pretty smile.

View attachment 1524405 View attachment 1524406 View attachment 1524407 View attachment 1524408

 

[Jemma Rider]

@Jemma Rider your bearded dragon was beautiful! My dad has always wanted to get one, he said that they’re great pets! I know how it is to rescue an animal and watch it recover and blossom into a loving creature before your eyes. I have 3 bantams that I rescued from a dusty dark barn stall that were fed garbage and they are the sweetest birds.
I think that the best thing that you can do for you and your friend is to seek professional help. There’s nothing wrong with going to a psychologist, I go to one because I have ADHD and anxiety. I know that society attaches a stigma to anyone who doesn’t fit the mold, but you need to talk to someone, be it a school counselor, your parents, a psychologist, you need to get this load off your chest so that you can breathe easier. I hope all goes well with your first day of high school, before you know it the year will be over. So go out there and make some awesome friends!
I know how scary it can be transitioning to a new school. Today was my first day of college and I practically had a panic attack trying to find the parking lot and thinking I would be late for classes.

oh yes, my dragons are my babies. Roxy was neglected by her first owner, when i rescued her she was just the most amazing thing. She was very defensive though, she didn't like me at all and she didn't get along with my other dragon. Before long she started laying eggs, and since she already had MBD (metabolic bone disease) we needed to have her spayed so her bones didn't weaken any further, during her first operation they discovered that some of her internal organs had actually fused together, so they needed to fix that. Then she needed a second surgery and after that second surgery everything just went downhill at breakneck speeds. She didn't recover well from the second and one of her kidneys starting failing a few weeks later. There was a slur of other slightly smaller issues but it all fed into the one until she got a blood clot and she was just gone. If I'm being honest i should've euthanized her after her first surgery, but i was bent on keeping her with me.
Blue on the other hand was a success story, i bought her from pet smart, and soon afterwards discovered that she had parasites and MBD, she was also emaciated and so sickly and small. She recovered pretty fast though and to this day she's healthy and happy. I dread the day she will need surgery though, one of these days I'll find infertile eggs in her tank and she'll need to be spayed to protect her bones (since they are already very weak).
I also have a tortoise but he's a breeder brat, raised by me since a few weeks old and brought into the world by a respected exotic reptile breeder so he's never had a single issue not in his while life.
I tried the while psychologist thing, it didn't work great for me, i just make sure to spend plenty of time with my birds and I'm usually alright, that's why i got them after all, they've certainly done their job and so much more.
I think they've also prepared me a bit for the inevitability of loss of life, I've only lost one bird (my five day old chick, Ozzy), but i think I'm more equipped to deal with loss now, i suppose i couldn't hide from it my whole life as much as i wished. Thank you

 

[candlearo12]

I feel really silly posting this, i don't like things about my personal life floating around on the internet raw exposed and unprotected but i don't know what else to do.
My best friend has depression and anxiety and i have anxiety (what kind of a pair are we).
I don't know if i can handle it much longer. I have this cousin, he's always bullied me i got used to it after a while, but he's very close friends with my best friend. It's made things very complicated since he still taunts me and bullies me even though he's close to turning eighteen, but my best friend had always given him the benefit of the doubt and chose to ignore it all.
I've known my best friend to have depression for a little over two years now, it's never been a horribly big deal (i mean of course it's a big deal but i feel like everything has been worse recently). I don't know if i can take it much longer. Just last week she had a, for lack of a better word, very public meltdown while ordering Italian ice which of course spiked my anxiety as well, but the burden of calming her down fell to me once again, and me being as awkward as i am i still don't know how to comfort her or even if i can.
Tonight is yet another example of me saying all the wrong things and now I'm just sitting here with my way to fast heartbeat in my ears and i can't slow it down.
I pretty much had my anxiety and my nerves in check up until a year ago when my lizard died, she was very special, i rescued her and helped her recover from her first owners neglect. She's the first thing I've felt connected to if that makes any sense, like it was just me and my baby girl, against the rest of the world.
And now I'm pretty sure my flock and my three ten week old pullets have fowl pox, I'm starting high school, and the anniversary of the day i rescued my beloved Roxy heart is approaching and i don't know what to do.
I feel like this is just one of those years where your life falls apart and there is absolutely nothing you can do about anything but hope it glues itself back together. before my lizard i had actually never lost anyone or anything, and then she died and now everything is just slowly withering away and i can't help but wonder if there's something I'm doing wrong.
But back to my friend i just don't know what to do anymore, as of tonight she's shut down her Pinterest account so she can't talk to anybody (she says she needs some time off-line, which i suppose could be good for her but i don't know), she says she'll be back in a few days. It's all my fault honestly i said something about my idiot cousin and it set her off, i tried to retract what i had said but, like everything, it just spiraled out of control.
I just want to be normal honestly, I'm so sick of feeling like I'm suffocating all of the time. It's actually why i got my chickens, they calm me down really quickly but with my current suspicions of fowl pox I'm relying solely on lavender essential oils.
I love my best friend so much, but I'm at a point where i think i need to think about myself, i can't keep doing this weird thing, where i deal with her issues (or try to anyway, feels like everything i say or do makes it worse) and then i crash and deal with my own i want to feel calm just for a minute that would be amazing. I feel like this whole thing with her is ripping me to shreds, but i can't do anything I'm trapped, if i say the wrong thing or do anything wrong I'm afraid it could throw her over the ledge.
I just wanted to talk i guess to someone who has no stake in the matter and doesn't know me so there's no bias.
I'm wondering if someone out there with a loved one struggling with depression or anxiety or something could give me a bit of advice on how I'm supposed to help, if i can at all. All i want is to help her feel better, i know that isn't always possible but still. I know it's a heavy topic and i feel horrible for asking but i don't know what else to do other then Google and i can't trust Google.
Everything is so much simpler when i can just type out clear, coherent statements or questions.
Here are some quick pictures of Roxy, since her anniversary is approaching, she would've been five earlier this year, she deserved for more people to look at her pretty smile.

View attachment 1524405 View attachment 1524406 View attachment 1524407 View attachment 1524408

Ooh shes lovely!! I live in west Texas and there are some of the most beautiful geckos, horned toads, and other lizards here. I see em everywhere. I'm sorry you lost her but it sounds like you gave her a good life. Depression is an ugly beast at the best of times. Runs in my family. Anxiety is one of the reasons I got my girls. Very soothing to me. If you can encourage her to seek professional care, and also for yourself for your own anxiety if you need to, find a good Doctor. Even your local mental health clinic can help provide counseling, even medications if you qualify. Pick your battles. You have to take care of yourself to be able to care for others. Its not selfish to limit exposure to anyone who can do you harm emotionally.

 

[candlearo12]

Jus1 gave you the best advice ever ... Time to take care of yourself.
BGcoop gave you a number to call, give it a try. You sound like you're in school, is there a counselor or teacher you're comfortable with to talk?
sawilliams 2x

Since you find typing/writing an easy release of thoughts & feelings, perhaps a Journal would help when you're feeling anxious or bothered. I've always tried to please everyone, wanting everyone to get along but at my age (65+) I've learned the only person/life you have control of is yours.

Roxy sure is pretty & I know she would not want you mourning her passing but smile at the memories. Chickens are a great stress release, even cleaning their enclosure I find relaxing. You could post a picture of what you suspect to be Fowl Pox, let the members help you there.

Journaling was always terrifying for me, but writing poetry was such a release!!

 

[Warwickchickenhill]

You have received alot of good advice from these good people , what your going threw is ruff. When you have time read Isaiah 41 verse 10 from the bible it starts with fear not ,the blue letter bible is easy to find and download for free if you dont have a bible on hand. God bless

 

[sourland]

If you don't mind explaining, what does that mean?

That means we’re all here to support you! You have a whole team behind you. We’re getting uniforms and pom-pom’s and practicing cheer’s. We all meet over @oldhenlikesdogs house...okay I went a little over the top with that but you get the idea.

What MissChick@dee said in the above post without the uniforms and pom poms. Any time you need this crew someone will be here for you. Many of us have gone through/are dealing with the same thing. Bottom line is that you are not alone.

 

[ChickNanny13]