New grandpa

[Airplaneguy57]

I know there are tons of grandparents out there but I would like to add my name. Our daughter and her husband is expecting in Aug. I am so exited I just can't stand it. It is to bad they live 1200 miles away. Now the problem. They have an older woman who has "adopted" them. When we talk to the kids about possibility of moving back all we ever hear is Cathy said, Cathy said. If I hear this one more time I'm gonna scream. My feeling is give Cathy enough time and she will over step her boundaries. We just hate to see someone else attempting to assume the grand parent role. Yes the jealously monster is alive and well. It is out first grand child. What say you fine folks. Someone on this site has bound to have gone through this

 

[sourland]

Congratulations! Grandparenting from a distance is miserable. You go to visit and just about the time the child gets to know you, it's time to go home. My daughter's first two children were born in Georgia. My wife and I live in N.J. Small children love my wife- they are scared of me.

We "grandparented" from a distance until they moved to Md. Somewhat better=more frequent visits. Third grandchild was born there and we got to see him grow. He even liked me. Now she lives about an hour from us and we see the kids frequently. Son adopted two little girls from China. They live about a 3 hour drive away and took to this grouchy old grandfather immediately. Don't worry about Cathy unless she creates a real problem; however, don't shut yourselves out. Visit as frequently as possible and for as long as is possible. Nothing is cut in stone. Miss independent who couldn't wait to move as far away from Mom and Dad as was possible is now back in the fold. She's my second best buddy, or is it my middle grandson? It'll work out. Utilize technology to keep in contact when you are unable to visit. Enjoy the process. As you know from your own kids, they grow up entirely too rapidly.

 

[sourland]

Airplaneguy, As they mature they will get to know you and love you. Your grandchildren may react differently to you than mine did to me. My wife assures that I have a stern and reserved demeanor that pushes others away (not just kids,) I have fun with all five of my grandchildren. Whether it be at sporting events or just talking. My older grandchildren use me as a sounding board and realize that there will be no judgement on my part--quite an honor and responsibility. My middle grandson once said to my wife, "Emmy, PA IS WEIRD." Concerned, my wife asked, "You mean scarey weird?" He replied, "No neat weird. None of my friends have a grandfather like him." Find out what they like and take an interest in that. I've taken them on hikes pointing out plants, birds, rocks animals to them. Use your strengths to spark their interests. It's fun! My wife and I married young and had children early also. Ours didn't marry until their mid 30's; however at 69, I can run, play, and be as big a fool as any other child.

Enjoy this journey and Happy Holiday to you and yours. Sourland George

 

[theoldchick]

Congratulations! Put that little green monster to work and keep him slim and trim. Invest in a good computer with a web cam and learn how to use it. Make yourself known and use your cell phone to your advantage. Let your family know you are SO excited! Now, look at your green monster and ask him why he's really angry. Is he angry at this older woman 'taking' your place or is he upset you can't be there and experience the event in person? Have a good talk with your green monster. Sometimes we are angry not because what the other person is doing it's what YOU are NOT doing. So, give your little green monster a slap across the face and tell him you have to make a phone call, write a letter, plan a trip. There are all kinds of ways to communicate with your family, and if you can't afford all the fancy doodads that everybody just has to have, write a letter. Its cheap, its therapeutic. and you can always send a gift.


Disclaimer: I've call the little green monster a 'he' only because I'm too lazy to type she so many times. Don't take offense, guys.

 

[Souperchicken]

First of all Congratulations!
Second, in my opinion, a grandchild can't have too many grandparents(even adopted ones unless they are all visiting at the same time haha!)!
It is obvious your daughter must think highly of this person and respects her opinion. Do you know much about Cathy? Is there reason to be concerned, or could the jealousy be clouding the way you perceive her? If she is a good person, I'd just try to let it go. Ultimately it will be your daughter who must decide what the boundaries are with Cathy, unless Cathy is trying to contact you. It will be good for your grandchild to have someone show special interest in them at the times when you can't be there.
The reason I've responded is that we live far from family and have several older people "adopt" our children. We even have one of them introduce our children to their friends as their "grandchildren". If someone asks she explains they are "adopted" and just like family. It is nothing but benefit to our children and it makes them feel good inside to have older people care and love them. They don't get to see their grandparents on both sides often - about 2 to 3 times a year.
One thing I have noticed is that it is those who don't have grandchildren living close that gravitate to my children.

 

[Airplaneguy57]

Thanks y'all for the replies. I guess what is killing me is this is something I have dreamed of for as soon as my kids were born. My wife and I decided to have kids early so we would be younger grandparents. We are tech savvy so skype email and such things will not be a problem. Sourland brought up my biggest fear. Having them scared of me till right before I leave. We will just make the best of a really crappy situation. Thanks again. Fred

 

[SallyF]

My mother was a very gregarious person, made friends easily. After I married and moved far away, she found lots of friends my age and became a pal to them. I had a few moments of jealousy, then realized that they were just stand-ins for me, and kept her from missing me so much. When I looked at it that way, the green monster went away and I was happy that she had friends to love her, since I couldn't be there. It was one of the few reasonable, logical, sane moments I've had in my life! No matter what this other person says or does, I'm sure you have a very special place in your daughter's life that cannot be filled by anyone else. And just think, kids can never have too many people who love them. Be happy, don't worry, as the song says.

 

[MovieFanz]

We just found out we will be grandparents again. It will be our second grandchild. We don't know when she is due (hasn't seen a doctor yet) but she thinks it is Aug too. It would break my heart if I had to compete with someone and not have my daughter close by. We are very blessed to have our daughter live on our farm. For awhile do to health issues of our only two kids, we thought we never would be grandparents. Now we are going to have two if everything goes will.

There is nothing that puts a smile on my face more than my grandson. I am sure you will figure out someway to make it work out. I know I would do anything to be with my grandkids.

 

[vfem]

CONGRATS! No need to worry about someone else stepping in... in Pop Pop, grandpa, grampy (Or my daughter calls my father BUM) will also be the #1 real thing!!!!

 

[ebwy2]

I have the opposite problem - my family just don't seem that interested in my baby. My brother hasn't met him at all, and my mother hasn't seen him since 2 days after he was born in july. Luckily, my friend's family have treated me like one of their own for years, and that has extended to my baby too