OMG. I am so upset I could CRY.

[Carolina]

So have a cheap party. A potluck dinner. Sing silly songs around a campfire with a recorded ukulele. Just celebrate what you have and add to his happiness. Don't cause a problem for him. He will appreciate you for it forever.

He's not marrying a witch, he's not walking out on you. Be thankful for what you have.

You may be thinking I have no sympathy, but I really have sympathy for your father. My father wouldn't let his feelings mess up my special occasions.

 

[fowler_chick]

that's what my husband and i did....we went to the court house and got married there....it was just 5 of my hudbands family, 2 cops!! ok my husbands best men and my daughter......my husband works for a sheriff dept o they stood by the doors and watched....af few of the girls from ems snuck off to tp the van we were using.......remember the 2 cops.....they had to drive half across kansas with just married on there van...lol...
i'm not saying that you have to pay for the party.....maybe suguest to some family memebers to put a party togeather for them when they get back

 

[Judy]

Quote:
Ummm, this is their wedding, sorry. You really have no business doing anything but being supportive of whatever their choices are, and you owe him/them an apology.

IMHO, of course.

 

[Katy]

I can't believe some of you are coming down on her for being upset she can't be at her dad's wedding. I don't blame her for being upset that she won't be able to be there. I personally think it's her dad who's being selfish for knowingly choosing to get married where his children can't attend. They don't want a big wedding?....fine they can at least include the children and no other family members. He should be counting his lucky stars that his daughter wants to be included instead of having a fit that he's getting remarried.

 

[Triggerjay]

Quote:
Something to take note of... Most of us don't get to see our parents weddings, as it "usually" happens before we are alive.. I wouldn't stress on it. I know thats easier said than done, but this day is about them... no one else.. Could it be a possibility that they don't want the wedding there because they are afraid of some family members not supporting their decision to wed after him loosing your mother? I'm sure their reason is legit, and I am also sure their decision in no way was meant to hurt you. Maybe it was/is a dream of one of them to be wed in Hawaii? You can't let people stand in the way of your dreams.. no matter who they are. I hope you take what I have typed with an open mind, I took the time to type this so you can possibly better understand the situation.. I may be way off, but thats my guess..

Jason

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
I am sorry, the ceremony is about PUBLICALLY making promises/vows to each other. If it were about private vows, then witnesses and an officiator, and the marriage license, which is a public document, would not be necessary. The Honeymoon is for the couple alone; not the wedding.

One thing you could ask for is for them to have a small ceremony before they go which you and other immediate family could attend--something simple, but you will be able to say you were there. Then they can go and have their Hawaii Wedding to the hilt.

My brother was married at his wife's home in Mexico. Big lavish wedding, all immediate family on both sides were there. It was a legal wedding for her, but not him as an American citizen. After their honeymoon he brought her home on a fiancee's visa, and they stopped somewhere on the drive up and were re-married by a JP. The first wedding is the one they consider "real," but technically the 2nd is the legal one.

My step-daughter & her husband are devout Morman, and had a Temple wedding. For those who don't know, only very devout Mormans can enter the Temple, except to be married. So none of the family could attend, including his parents and her mom & step dad who are all Morman; none of hte rest of us are. They were married late morning, prior to the evening reception they re-enacted their wedding for all the guests--to all extents it was a regular wedding, with the exception of the Bishop asking them to "repeat the vows they had taken this morning"--to us that was their wedding, and that is also how they refer to it.

Anyways, that gives you a couple of ideas to share and suggest.

 

[debilorrah]

I see both sides of this issue here. As a daughter, I would be upset. As a parent, I understand not wanting all the grief that comes with allowing ONE person to go but not others.

If his final decision is to go with her alone, unfortunately, you will need to respect that. Just make sure he is FULLY aware of how disappointed you are. And be VERY glad he is marrying a good woman.

 

[hikerchick]

I know this is hard but your best bet is to just give him your blessing and try to be happy for him. He lost his wife when you lost your mom, too, I assume. This is his day. Rejoice for him that he has found love again. So many of us never do.

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
I agree, M. I wanted to go away too, my DH but he insisted on doing it locally so his DDs could be in attendance, but it was my day!
It still turned out nice, but still....

 

[texaschickmama]

Sorry, I still feel that he has the right to a private ceremony where they commit themselves to each other and then have a big reception upon their return.