Planned Parenthood not to blame; the truth post #25

[zazouse]

I know someone like this and after her 2nd babie they did tie her tubes.

 

[RHRanch]

The thing is, they will give the girl the birth control she wants, but she has to insist on it. I would guess that someone was not clear about what they wanted, etc. If your niece went in by herself and did not say: "I am an addict and I will not take my pills regularly and I need to have another form of birth control that does not rely on me being responsible for taking it.", the doctor is going to just give her the pill, its the standard... They are not mind readers, and they are not allowed to make personal judgements about what kind of person should get this or that birth control. They will serve you, but you have to be assertive and clear about what you want. If the doctor refused to put her on it, there would have to be an explanation - and he/she would have had to have given that to your niece. How does the niece explain coming out of there with the wrong birth control? Let me guess... Its not her fault, its the doctors? Typical of irresponsible young person with substance problems, they tend to act like victims - no offense meant. BTW, Permanent sterilization they usually won't do until after age 25 and you have to have 2 kids usually. I suggest that she go back, see the same doctor and communicate clearly that she needs something that is long lasting. Perhaps the mother can go in the exam room with her. I have had people go with me for that sort of exam, so it should be allowed.

 

[mom'sfolly]

Having dealt with a family member with mental illness, I understand your frustration. However, the medical person has to give the patient, your niece, the info on the drugs she will be taking. I'm willing to bet your niece never said she was a drug addict, never said she wanted a long term solution, and said that she would take the pills regularly. A doctor can't force a patient to take any drug against their will. If your niece refused the depo, there is nothing the doctor can do.

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

Having dealt with a family member with mental illness, I understand your frustration.  However, the medical person has to give the patient, your niece, the info on the drugs she will be taking.  I'm willing to bet your niece never said she was a drug addict, never said she wanted a long term solution, and said that she would take the pills regularly.  A doctor can't force a patient to take any drug against their will.  If your niece refused the depo, there is nothing the doctor can do.

My niece agreed to the appt., said she was a drug addict and wanted long term birth control. She was willing, knowing that she could be responsible for bringing a drug addicted child into the world and not wanted that on her conscience. She did not refuse the depo. They refused to give her a pap smear as well, stating that she needed to be 21 (she's 20). It's why I sit here so dumbfounded.

 

[dainerra]

yes, they don't do pap smears as often anymore on the advice of studies done by the AMA.

Did your sister go back with her? The ladies you talk to at the front just make a couple of notes on the chart. "Mom says...." Then when the actual Dr comes in, they would have spoken with the niece. If she didn't say "I am a drug addict. I need long-term control" then the Dr's hands are pretty tied.

 

[RHRanch]

My niece agreed to the appt., said she was a drug addict and wanted long term birth control. She was willing, knowing that she could be responsible for bringing a drug addicted child into the world and not wanted that on her conscience. She did not refuse the depo. They refused to give her a pap smear as well, stating that she needed to be 21 (she's 20). It's why I sit here so dumbfounded.

That sounds very odd... Most everyone I know has used planned parenthood in San Diego county and I have never heard any of them having a problem of that sort. The age thing may be a budgetary thing based on new reccomendations for how often you need a pap, they now say every 3-5 years depending on your age. I have never had a friend be turned down for a specific type of birth control they wanted at pp unless they had an underlying health problem that made it a bad idea to prescribe it.

Another thing... I have known a lot of addicts, and no offense, but they tend to tell people what they want to hear to get what they want, get mom off her back, etc... It may be that she wasn't very direct or didn't take responsibility for her care... If they doctor refused the Depo, what was the reason given? There has to be a reason, a doctor isn't going to just say no without an explanation, and if he did, its her job to speak up and get the care she needs. She simply must go back and get the right sort of meds.

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

That sounds very odd... Most everyone I know has used planned parenthood in San Diego county and I have never heard any of them having a problem of that sort.  The age thing may be a budgetary thing based on new reccomendations for how often you need a pap, they now say every 3-5 years depending on your age.  I have never had a friend be turned down for a specific type of birth control they wanted at pp unless they had an underlying health problem that made it a bad idea to prescribe it. 

Another thing... I have known a lot of addicts, and no offense, but they tend to tell people what they want to hear to get what they want, get mom off her back, etc... It may be that she wasn't very direct or didn't take responsibility for her care... If they doctor refused the Depo, what was the reason given? There has to be a reason, a doctor isn't going to just say no without an explanation, and if he did, its her job to speak up and get the care she needs.  She simply must go back and get the right sort of meds. 

I agree that my sister should have spoken up at PP, but my niece was being difficult and volatile on the drive there. My sister also stated that there was no privacy in the waiting room. She didn't want to bring up the fact that her daughter, sitting there in the same room, is an addict. I would have, but my sister didn't. I know that addicts tell you what you want to hear, but my sister couldn't have made her get into that car and go if my niece didn't agree to it. I imagine that dainerra is right. My sister, having spoken with someone prior to the appt., must have assumed that they knew why they were there. Why wouldn't she assume that? She spoke with someone and told them what they wanted, they made the appt. and said to come in. If it was THAT important to reiterate it to the doctor then they should have told her so. PP employees are more familiar with how things operate, this is the first time that my sister or her daughter have ever been there or dealt with it. I'm not blaming it all on PP, obviously my sister should have been more assertive. BUT this is a big deal. If there are specific guidelines that need to be followed they need to make it known.

I just hope that the opportunity isn't lost. Now that my niece has the pill, she'll probably tell my sister it's taken care of. Of course, that's ludicrous.


Thanks everyone for letting me get this all out. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything today if I didn't get my words out.

 

[dainerra]

I don't think it was a good assumption. Why? Because, unless the daughter is a minor, she is in charge of her own healthcare. No matter what, the dr couldn't take her word over your niece's. Even if she had gone back to the exam room, it's likely the dr would have refused to do the procedure if it seemed like Mom was pressuring her into the decision.

It's actually the same guidelines that would be in any doctor's office. Things are even more tied up due to privacy laws - niece's treatment can NOT be discussed with mom for any reason unless dealing with a minor child.

ETA: the reason dr would refuse treatment if it seemed that mom was pressuring is because of malpractice. "I didn't want it done, she was forcing me. Dr sided with her and performed a procedure that I didn't want"

 

[RHRanch]

I don't think it was a good assumption. Why? Because, unless the daughter is a minor, she is in charge of her own healthcare. No matter what, the dr couldn't take her word over your niece's. Even if she had gone back to the exam room, it's likely the dr would have refused to do the procedure if it seemed like Mom was pressuring her into the decision.

It's actually the same guidelines that would be in any doctor's office. Things are even more tied up due to privacy laws - niece's treatment can NOT be discussed with mom for any reason unless dealing with a minor child.

ETA: the reason dr would refuse treatment if it seemed that mom was pressuring is because of malpractice. "I didn't want it done, she was forcing me. Dr sided with her and performed a procedure that I didn't want"

You can request that someone come with you into the exam room. I have had people with me for that type of exam on 2 occasions. What you are saying about pressure is true, if that person is pressuring you, the doctor may refuse to go along with it, but the mom could have sat in one the exam and listened quietly, most likely. You also cannot assume that the doctor knows everything that is going on, when you are an adult, you have to communicate with the doctor, they don't really go by what an adult child's parents say unless that person has been ruled incompetent by the courts.

 

[cafarmgirl]

I agree that my sister should have spoken up at PP, but my niece was being difficult and volatile on the drive there. My sister also stated that there was no privacy in the waiting room. She didn't want to bring up the fact that her daughter, sitting there in the same room, is an addict. I would have, but my sister didn't. I know that addicts tell you what you want to hear, but my sister couldn't have made her get into that car and go if my niece didn't agree to it. I imagine that dainerra is right. My sister, having spoken with someone prior to the appt., must have assumed that they knew why they were there. Why wouldn't she assume that? She spoke with someone and told them what they wanted, they made the appt. and said to come in. If it was THAT important to reiterate it to the doctor then they should have told her so. PP employees are more familiar with how things operate, this is the first time that my sister or her daughter have ever been there or dealt with it. I'm not blaming it all on PP, obviously my sister should have been more assertive. BUT this is a big deal. If there are specific guidelines that need to be followed they need to make it known.
I just hope that the opportunity isn't lost. Now that my niece has the pill, she'll probably tell my sister it's taken care of. Of course, that's ludicrous.
Thanks everyone for letting me get this all out. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything today if I didn't get my words out.

It IS that important to reinterate to the doctor why you are there when you actually are face to face with the doc in the room. You make the phone call, front office schedules appt., probably put's down "birth control" in the notes for reason for appt. It's up to the patient to discuss exactly what they want with the doctor once they arrive. In most medical systems there simply is not room for lengthy, detailed notes in the appt. scheduler about the reason for the appt. along with specific's about the patient's past and reason for wanting a specific med. etc. etc. All of that is expected to be discussed during the exam.

As was stated, your sister being more assertive will only go so far. If your neice is an adult there is only so much your sister, as well as PP, can do to help her. She has to make the decision herself whether or not to be a responsible person. I certainly understand your frustration!