Poll!! Am I being unfairly mean??

[Cetawin]

ummmm no. She is lucky...if I were MIL she would be living somewhere else. I refuse to carry an adult... a married female is an adult period...she would get off her laxy butt or hit the road.

Lock the hot tub, lock the frig, lock the front door! Kick your son is the backside for being so disrespectful to his mother by allowing it.

 

[debilorrah]

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Amen Sister!!!

 

[Ferngully]

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Here is an important clue. Her mania is her adrenaline rush from confrontation. Not taking her meds? Oh boy. I feel sorry or your son, grandchilren, and you. Been there, done that.

SIL managed to destroy my brother's career, lost their big beautiful California ranch, and everything they owned. I let them come live with us, he worked, she wouldn't, we did, .... oh heck same scenario except we got no money out of them. And oh she sat her happy bum around and lounged in our hot tub(which was for me medically so I could work). She hid food because it was hers, fought with my brother as soon as he would walk in. I never got to use the tub, why....because I was too busy cooking and cleaning.
Best day came when she said I am leaving, he said here are the keys to the truck, pack up. It was their only vehicle that we helped them buy. After that he was a changed man, happy, out going. I carted him to work and back for a bit until he could get another vehicle. He got back on his feet, got his self respect back, is now a private contractor for the Govt. currently living in a palace in Kuwait.

Maybe there need to be some family dynamics changes or she needs to get on meds and stay on them(which she won't). Your son needs some support and maybe he will see how damaging this woman is. Maybe he feels trapped in a bad situation.
No, you are not being mean. Lock it up, lay down some new house rules. She will either comply or leave, I have a funny feeling she will leave. Hugs to you and your family, this is a bit more serious than a hot tub issue. You can PM me if you want to.

 

[birdnutz]

Oh my god ferngully! Thats the same route as my son! Ruined his career,lost his home that he bought before they married. Starts fighting and giving orders as soon as he walks in the door after work. He's already said she can have the car if she leaves. If she gets money or food it's hers. She's told him she's leaving and he tells her bye. Only leaves for a day or spends the night with her aunt and keeps coming back. He really worries about her having the children. He don't believe the courts here will give him custody. I believe she will end up just letting him have them. To much trouble for her to take care of.

 

[Mahonri]

In the long run, you aren't doing them any favors by taking care of them.

They've got to get out on their own and make a living.

While they are there, there must be rules. It's your home.
If they can't live by YOUR rules, they must live elsewhere.

Sometimes, tough love is the best love.

 

[monarc23]

If she's not helping around the house then no way! you're not at all! we pay much less for rent living here at home with my parents, $250 a month, however we buy our own groceries, buy almost all the house cleaning needs, do our own laundry, I do the dishes, we bought the houses vaccume and I am the one that vaccumes and we keep the rest of hte house tidey (our personal room I can keep a mess with papers and packing material but hey i have no whre else to store it lol)! Anywho... if she's going to be lazy and a big baby then no, no way keep her out of that relaxin tub sounds like you need to relax in there after having to deal with her UGH!

ETA: I don't work, and hubbies job is rocky (he was already layed off for 3 months and just reciently is back but they are limping so to speak). I LOVE living here, however I cannot wait until we can have our own home but with the economy and me not working it's kinda hard. we get by and my parents pay for nothing to have us here.

In many ways it benifits htem us living here and vise versa....but we all help eachother out with yard work and what not that needs to be done team effort

 

[shawnkfl]

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if you have to live with parents...THIS is how it should be. i commend you for doing all you do for your family!

 

[JennsPeeps]

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This is probably a good idea for home insurance & liability reasons anyway.

Nope, not mean. Reasonable. She's a mooch.

 

[consdrs]

If you really think about it the hot tub is a non issue. the issue is you feel like you are being used and abused by a spoiled rotten brat. if it were not the hot tub it would be something else, always something else. time to kick them to the curb.

Connie

 

[CityChicker]

I feel for you. That is such a tough place to be in. If she is legitimately bipolar, not wanting to take the meds is *extremely* common as is periodically stopping and restarting them. It can be so frustrating for all involved.

If it were me, I would probably let her use the hot tub and just pray ten times a day that all works out well because it sounds like that is just one part of the problem. I am not sure what else can be done to not cause even more bad will. It sounds like she is just very unhappy and needs to decide where she needs to go and what she needs to do to get on track. Nothing of that is your problem, but what can you do really? Almost anything you do, there will be negatives.