The drama continues or please loan me your hipwaders!

[gritsar]

Back in 2005 DH's mother and brother passed away. As the sole heir, DH inhertited everything they had. Included in the bank accounts he inherited was the remaining portions of each of DH's daughters inheritence from their grandparents. By verbal agreement with his mom, DH was to give this to the girls when they requested it.

In early 2006 DD #2 asked for the remainder of her inheritence to buy a car. She had grown tired of the classic '67 mustang DH had given her for her 18th birthday. DH gave her the remainder, around $20,000. Number 2 was having problems with her long term, live in boyfriend and had absolutely no credit record of her own, DH suggested she put the money in a bank account and have each months car payment automatically deducted to help her build her credit. Everything went fine for awhile until she decided to quit her job. Then without our knowlegde she lived on the car payment money until it ran out. When the money ran out and she was evicted from her rental home it was up to us to bring her back up here from Texas. Her new car was later re-possessed. She'd left the mustang with friends in Texas so she's been without transportation ever since.


A few days after #2 requested the remainder of her inheritence #1 asked for hers, more than $20,000 to "go back to school". She had already been given part of her inheritence while her grandma was still alive to go back to college. She attended one semester the dropped out. DH gave #1 her money. Quite a bit later we learned that #1 hadn't used the money to go back to school at all. They were living in Texas at the time so we really didn't know what went on in their daily lives. She used it to pay for a tummy tuck operation because her husband didn't like the baby bump she had after giving birth to their son. Time goes by, DD#1 moves with her DH to New Mexico. Their marriage went south so it was up to us to arrange for her and the GS to move back here from NM. A short time later her DH followed her back here and they reconciled.

At this point I didn't really care what they did as long as they weren't hitting their dad and I up for money. Then last night...

Last night #1 sends me a text asking if it would be okay for her to come up here (finally! one request that I have made that they actually honored - calling before showing up!). When she walked in I saw the course schedule from the local community college in her hand and I knew what was up.

The minute she sat down #1 starts bawling. She tells us that she wants to leave her husband (again!), but since she doesn't have a job and doesn't feel like she can get one without some college, she wants to go back to school first. I resisted the urge to tell her she blew that option back in 2006. Of course she wants her dad to give her the money for school. In more than 30 different ways her dad and I let her know we don't have the money to give. We could give her the money if we dipped into our savings but DH is set to retire in April 2012 and we need to hang onto that money.

I just can't get my head around it! Never in my life would I have had the nerve to ask my father for things like that and at 49 years old I still don't have the nerve. I just don't get these kids.

 

[sfw2]

I'm truly sorry that DD#1 married a jerk, and she is unhappy. That said, the last time I checked, you didn't need a college degree to flip burgers.

for you and Keith.

for DD#1.

for her nerve.

 

[Cuban Longtails]

Financial Aid, Loans, and state employment agencies have grants and other funding available too for those that seek it. If she has the will, there is a way that doesn't involve her sucking the money from you & your DH's savings.

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
That right there is basically what I told her. She started to say but...but...her DH makes too much money for her to qualify for finanacial aid. True, he does make $24 an hour (or nearly twice what my DH makes as a LEO) but if she's leaving him it doesn't matter how much he makes.

Thank goodness DH stuck to his guns this time and told her that school will have to wait. That if she wants to leave her husband it's going to take some sacrifice and hard work on her part, but where there's a will there's a way.

She told us this long sorbid story about an incident that supposedly happened between her husband and her sister as her excuse as to why she must leave him, but personally I think it's something the two of them (#1 and #2) cooked up to get the money out of their dad.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

The option is not out for her, although you don't need a college degree to get a job. She can go to a community college (if a local, costs even less) and work a job at the same time.

 

[stoopid]

Don't put your retirement at risk for irresponsible children. They had their chance, and they blew it. I have a similar situation. I know this sounds selfish, but the older we get, the less of a chance we have of getting hired in case we need another job. We have paid DEARLY into social security, and may never see it. We worked our butts off when we were younger, and the kids nowadays have no idea what responsibility is. Once you hand it out, I doubt you will ever see it again. I would lie to them and say you spent it. That way you have a buffer in case of a real emergency. You can think about it for a while, when all the while, they wonder how YOU could have done this to them. I wish you luck, Roberta

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
She said that would be too hard on the GS.

I forgot to mention that up until recently she had a job, at walmart. Not the greatest job in the world, but it was a paycheck. Things seemed to be going well with her DH working days and her working nights, that way someone was always home with the GS.

A week or two ago we found out she had quit that job. She said it was too hard on the GS with her working. Read: Her DH didn't want to care for his own child in the evenings. At the time I told her I felt it was foolish of her to quit her job over that. The GS started school this past week, so it became possible for her and her DH to both work during the day. So basically we're talking about a two week period of time when they would have had to tough it out before GS started school.

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
It didn't make things easier when she came in last night and saw our new living room and bedroom furniture; not to mention a new computer for DH to replace the 12 year old one he had.

I know she didn't like it, but tough poo poo. The old furniture was from the 70s and we saved and scraped to buy the new stuff without touching our savings, i.e., we earned it.

 

[gritsar]

The thing is, DH didn't so much inherit the money from his parents as he earned it. That money has been sitting in the bank for decades. It was earned by DH's parents, his brother and DH back when this was a working farm. Every extra penny they made went in the bank.

 

[EweSheep]

You did good, stand your ground, mamma! They blew the money and they can find a way to earn the money they need. No need to dip into your retirement at all. You would need it!