The Night of the Mare

[PioneerChicks]

Clucky, I didn't know you are a writer! Welcome to the completely unofficial club!

I love chapter one! Please tag me when chapter two is ready!

 

[cluckmecoop7]

Thank you! I will!

 

[SulkyBantam]

Hey, I write stories! Want my advice?

 

[cluckmecoop7]

Sure!

 

[SulkyBantam]

OK! I love the plot and it's going really well. I had a few suggestions, but only listen if you want to

14 year old Olivia

It would be more natural to say 'young Olivia' and then later in the story, 'in all her 14 years, Olivia had never been given such an important task,' or something like that.

as she spread hay on the floor of the shed

I like the dialogue, but I think a bit more description would help create a better image of the setting. like 'musty straw', 'old shed with the jumbled wood in the corners and creaking stall doors'

Kayla overheard

Maybe a description of Kayla here?

reluctantly agree

At dinner time that evening, Dad had important news

maybe t would sound more natural to say something like, 'at dinner time that very same evening, Dad told them some unexpected news'

heir usual seat

Maybe another description?

Olivia was a little dazed.

I trust you will be able to handle everything

He might want to say why

he night before Mom had laid out a warm coat and overalls for her to wear when she was with the goats. There was also a bag with enough food for lunch and dinner.

Food description perhaps?

a cozy hat

Maybe saying why is is cozy

Dad said as he gave her a hug

What is Dad like, how did the hug feel?

Zada was a 1 ½ year old Australian Shepherd

Maybe more like, 'Zada, an Australian Shepherd of some 18 months,'

“At least I think.”

I like the suspense! Maybe, 'At least...' she added uncertainly, 'I think.'

Sure!

Please don't thinK I'm being bossy! I just like to help. I love the story, and feel free to ignore my suggestions. Looking forward to part 2!

 

[cluckmecoop7]

Awesome suggestions! Thanks a ton!

 

[Happy hen lover]

Clucky, I didn't know you are a writer! Welcome to the completely unofficial club!

I love chapter one! Please tag me when chapter two is ready!

Me too!

 

[cluckmecoop7]

Yep! I'll work on it more today. But I do have a question: Should I write the book and then go back and fix everything, or write a chapter and get everything PERFECT before moving on?

 

[Lacy Duckwing]

Yep! I'll work on it more today. But I do have a question: Should I write the book and then go back and fix everything, or write a chapter and get everything PERFECT before moving on?

Depends. I typically write a chapter, then proof read and edit it the next time I'm going to write. That usually helps me to remember where I last left off in my book.

 

[ChickensForEggs2500]

I focus on just on getting it out of my head and onto pages. That's what I do, then I edit and revise, but that might not work for you. Love the story!