Why do people have to be so rude?

[sybonbon]

I have been in this group for over 7 years and I have seen many posts. I am so surprised that people who have so much in common can be so rude to each other. We all, every one of us, have our own experiences and opinions. The OP asked a question and needs our help, and we all do it in our own way. It is no help at all for the responders to argue amongst themselves because they don't agree on what another responder said. I think we should all keep that in mind when we join in. We all have an individual level of experience but no one, no one, has the right to talk down to another participant. Thank you for your time in reading this. There is no need to clarify or respond. I am not expecting that. Let's all agree to disagree without harsh words. Let's start a new trend.........

 

[nuthatched]

Not disagreeing with you at all but since you can't attach tone to text, what someone might intend as a factual statement can be taken as 'rude' by someone who's used to being spoon fed "up to you"...answers.
Being plain rude is one thing but often it's up the mood of the reader, who arbitrarily decides on tone based on how many smilies there are.

 

[sybonbon]

Not disagreeing with you at all but since you can't attach tone to text, what someone might intend as a factual statement can be taken as 'rude' by someone who's used to being spoon fed "up to you"...answers.
Being plain rude is one thing but often it's up the mood of the reader, who arbitrarily decides on tone based on how many smilies there are.

I also meant rude or disrespectful to the OP. The post is to help them, not bring a discussion up on the side and ignore them. Take it to another conversation privately, not within the thread. Rude is my word for inappropriate.

 

[SourRoses]

Not sure what post inspired this, but I can see it going either way.
Sometimes people can be too harsh. But often it seems like people guess at the writers intent, while reading between lines that may not even be there.
And while a thread should primarily serve the needs of the OP, it would be way too stifling to say that's all that can be discussed there.

When it's my own threads, I actually rather enjoy the side discussions that come up, not only for their own sake but because most of the time I need to digest whatever feedback I received and ponder how to apply it, so when people move into talking about something else related, I don't have that pressure to bring closure to the topic in some way.
But then, I'm weird. And that's the thing... everyone is weird to someone. None of us can understand every personality type, only the sort of people we are most familiar with.
We should try to be as tolerant as we can, while also standing up for ourselves and others, IMHO.
Personally, I put a very high value on honesty (which helps people) over validating (which I don't feel helps me much, golden rule and all that).
And if you see something that's really wrong, just report it to the mods, don't even engage.

 

[azurbanclucker]

Part of it is educational. And I don't mean that in the "you only have a 9th-grade education", sense. Every online community has unwritten safety rails established by the member community, and people who are new, or don't feel like those boundaries should apply to them will cross the barrier into oncoming traffic. Either by accident or on purpose to see who swerves. Until they're corrected and figure out the system, they can cause problems. They need to learn what is, and what is not OK. This is what the report system is for, and what the community leaders try to do.

Another part of the educational thing is that this site is full of very knowledgeable folks who take VERY clinical, no-nonsense approaches to solving problems. Short, direct questions and answers, quick responses to things that are silly/wrong/troll-y, that sort of thing. They're golden-hearted people, but they're focused on solving the problem quickly (because a lot of times it could be a life or death situation and time is critical). That can and very often does come across as rude, mean, etc. We all have a very particular tone in our writing style. Those range from very cordial, to "dude may be a serial killer". Everyone's busy, and it leads to toes getting stepped on and feelings hurt inadvertently. You have to look at the response as objectively as possible and not immediately react emotionally, because 9/10 times the person is genuinely trying to help and not really being a jerk. You have to know the people involved and understand them a bit, and that only comes with time.

For the rest, well, the anonymity of the internet is a blessing and a curse. People are far more inclined to troll when the repercussions for doing so are basically nonexistent. That isn't a dig at the site admins, but in a real sense, the worst that can happen to a member here is a site ban in most cases. Your neighbor isn't showing up at your door to yell at you about some insensitive comment you made on a chicken forum, and your boss isn't going to write you up for it either. The true behaviors of people come out when they feel like there's no social penalty for being themselves. It's a problem in all online communities, and there's a very real up-welling of intolerance and stupid behavior in society as a whole. BYC is simply a microcosm of that reality. People in general are far more cynical and intolerant today. The only way to solve that is to get enough humans to start being humans again in order to divert the toxicity. The internet is a wild and dangerous place, and always has been. There are some deep-rooted sociopolitical reasons for that, but it's well beyond the scope of this conversation and well outside the safety barriers for BYC I mentioned above so we're not gonna go there.

As far as side conversations in threads, well, . There is not a snowball's chance at Kilauea of that changing.

 

[BY Bob]

Part of it is educational. And I don't mean that in the "you only have a 9th-grade education", sense. Every online community has unwritten safety rails established by the member community, and people who are new, or don't feel like those boundaries should apply to them will cross the barrier into oncoming traffic either by accident or on purpose to see who swerves. Until they're corrected and figure out the system, they can cause problems. They need to learn what is, and what is not OK. This is what the report system is for, and what the community leaders try to do.

Another part of the educational thing is that this site is full of very knowledgeable folks who take VERY clinical, no-nonsense approaches to solving problems. Short, direct questions and answers, quick responses to things that are silly/wrong/troll-y, that sort of thing. They're golden-hearted people, but they're focused on solving the problem quickly (because a lot of times it could be a life or death situation and time is critical). That can and very often does come across as rude, mean, etc. We all have a very particular tone in our writing style. Those range from very cordial, to "dude may be a serial killer". Everyone's busy, and it leads to toes getting stepped on and feelings hurt inadvertently. You have to look at the response as objectively as possible and not immediately react emotionally, because 9/10 times the person is genuinely trying to help and not really being a jerk. You have to know the people involved and understand them a bit, and that only comes with time.

For the rest, well, the anonymity of the internet is a blessing and a curse. People are far more inclined to troll when the repercussions for doing so are basically nonexistent. That isn't a dig at the site admins, but in a real sense, the worst that can happen to a member here is a site ban in most cases. Your neighbor isn't showing up at your door to yell at you about some insensitive comment you made on a chicken forum, and your boss isn't going to write you up for it either. The true behaviors of people come out when they feel like there's no social penalty for being themselves. It's a problem in all online communities, and there's a very real up-welling of intolerance and stupid behavior in society as a whole. BYC is simply a microcosm of that reality. People in general are far more cynical and intolerant today. The only way to solve that is to get enough humans to start being humans again in order to divert the toxicity. The internet is a wild and dangerous place, and always has been. There are some deep-rooted sociopolitical reasons for that, but it's well beyond the scope of this conversation and well outside the safety barriers for BYC I mentioned above so we're not gonna go there.

As far as side conversations in threads, well, . There is not a snowball's chance at Kilauea of that changing.

Nicely put.

 

[triciayoung]

I have been in this group for over 7 years and I have seen many posts. I am so surprised that people who have so much in common can be so rude to each other. We all, every one of us, have our own experiences and opinions. The OP asked a question and needs our help, and we all do it in our own way. It is no help at all for the responders to argue amongst themselves because they don't agree on what another responder said. I think we should all keep that in mind when we join in. We all have an individual level of experience but no one, no one, has the right to talk down to another participant. Thank you for your time in reading this. There is no need to clarify or respond. I am not expecting that. Let's all agree to disagree without harsh words. Let's start a new trend.........

I agree. I know of 7-8 members who have left BYC because of what BYC members are saying about giving their chickens treats. There are members who tell people how much they should have and that if they don't comply - that they are killing their chickens. Really? That is just rude and not founded in any scientific studies. Even if it was a "fact", this should not be said to a member - especially a new member. I PM these people to get them to stay. All this toxic talk does is turn people away. State your opinion, but please do not say extreme things like you will kill your chicken.

I have had my own experience as well. I find this group very quick to "off with his head" with respect to any roosters who happens to act up once. I always provide advocacy for the roosters and am in the minority - if the only one in the post. There are people who come right out and say that I am advocating for a rooster to harm a child. Really? that is just rude.

Isn't the beauty of us sharing our individual experiences best for the OP? If we all think one way, then the OP doesn't get all options, experiences, and opinions. As my mom says "if 10 think the same, 9 are not needed". In any case, we, as members need to stop pushing people away by trying to be mean in order to "put someone in line until they think the same way as the majority".

 

[rosemarythyme]

I agree. I know of 7-8 members who have left BYC because of what BYC members are saying about giving their chickens treats. There are members who tell people how much they should have and that if they don't comply - that they are killing their chickens. Really? That is just rude and not founded in any scientific studies. Even if it was a "fact", this should not be said to a member - especially a new member. I PM these people to get them to stay. All this toxic talk does is turn people away. State your opinion, but please do not say extreme things like you will kill your chicken.

https://www.backyardchickens.com/th...d-why-you-should-exercise-your-birds.1445968/

https://www.backyardchickens.com/th...ts-story-please-dont-overfeed-treats.1593329/

Both cases were verified with a lab necropsy.

It does no chicken any favors to withhold information just to make the owners feel better.

I stepped away from the feeding subforum for several months because of new members stating unsubstantiated facebook rumors and filling up the entire subforum with it. "Rudeness" goes both ways.

 

[triciayoung]

https://www.backyardchickens.com/th...d-why-you-should-exercise-your-birds.1445968/

https://www.backyardchickens.com/th...ts-story-please-dont-overfeed-treats.1593329/

Both cases were verified with a lab necropsy.

It does no chicken any favors to withhold information just to make the owners feel better.

I stepped away from the feeding subforum for several months because of new members stating unsubstantiated facebook rumors and filling up the entire subforum with it. "Rudeness" goes both ways.

Rosemary: I agree that rudeness goes both ways, and we all - including me, need to put a "check" on ourselves.

The examples you posted are not what I am talking about...I am talking about a prospective clinical study with a good n and p values, that is not sponsored by, directly or indirectly, by a feed company.

But in any case, we should not ever be telling people that they are killing their chickens by feeding them treats. You are never going to convince anyone that feeding vegetables and fruit to their chickens is killing them. They know this is not correct and it just makes all of the good here lose credibility.

There is a nicer way to do it. I heard someone on youtube (can't remember her name), talk about treats. She said that everyone wants to give their chickens treats and she understands so give your chickens nothing but feed in the morning and save the treats for the afternoon so that you know they received the vitamins in the feed. That is a nice way to say it.

 

[Geena]

It's not so simple as certain people being "rude", as others have explained so very well above.

Having been here for awhile now, I haven't witnessed any increase in rudeness. What I have noticed over the past couple of years is a large influx of a different kind of poster.
It used to be that BYC was mostly farmers, breeders and those who wish to be more self sufficient, many of which tend to be more stoic, pragmatic and to the point types.
The newer BYC posters are primarily pet chicken folks who in general tend to be rather idealistic, sensitive and more easily offended types.

Just because someone gets their feelings hurt doesn't mean something has to be done about it. I've had my feelings hurt here and no doubt have hurt a few other people's feelings. That, IMO, is life.

I think BYC does a pretty darn good job at riding the line between allowing people freedom of expression and keeping the overall peace. It's waaaaay more tame and pleasant here than most other places I visit online.