I either talk to my husband or no one at all and figure it out myself. For other people... I'm a terrible shoulder. I'm only good for practical advice and a cold drink. I get freaked out when people start crying. I never cry myself... even in the most tragic circumstances. Well I did when my mom passed away 10 years ago, but that's about as bad as you can get with life's tragedies. I haven't since though.
My husband is the one that showed me how to use emotions... I thought they always just got in the way. He showed me their purpose and I thank him for that. But I still fall into practical thought and face reality head on without stopping to cry over it.
What irks me most is when people avoid emotional situations, or when something bad is happening to a person or a family, and they go distant. When I was 14, my best friend had a relapse with Leukemia. We had a lot of friends through the church's youth group. But the more she went into the hospital, the less they came around. They all just disappeared, every one of them, until the day of the funeral when they all showed up again. I stood with her sister and her parents... wondering why these people showed up now and not at all the previous months. Her sister commented on it, not understanding.
Does it hurt less if you avoid it? I don't know. It must, or people wouldn't do it. But that seems an awful lot like abandoning a person when they need you most. When it matters most, I'm a good shoulder. When you're complaining about life's mundane issues and drama... well... here's a beer, here's advice, and a couple of jokes and topic changes too. If you still need support, hopefully you have a better shoulder than I for when you need to continue on about office politics, boyfriend issues, or whatever else.
You only call me when you're having some serious life altering issues. Then I'll stick around when everyone else leaves you hanging because it's "too much". Call them for the little things... I'm terrible about letting you know the actual scope of things. Oh, your husband is out of town for 2 weeks and you're sad? Be glad he's not going to Iraq again. I'd LOVE for a 2 week break! In fact, I'm jealous... why are you sad? Do you have any idea what you can accomplish in that two weeks? A spotless house, complete control over the TV remote, 2 hour bubble bath, eat the whole pint of icecream without sharing!
. Thankfully He's always been at the helm for me, for while it's not always been an easy road, it absolutely could have been SO much worse. And I always try to keep in mind that everyone has their burdens to bear and I try not to add mine to them.
