Your opinion? My ex's girlfriend kisses my 6 yr old on the lips

[scbatz33]

Quote:
Not to steal this post, but I'm O F F!! Yes, sir! Just me and the chickis today. No 1st job, no 2nd job - NADA!!!

 

[chickygirl2]

Well, I can give you a medical reason for her not to do that. It can lead to caries in young children if the adult caries the bacteria [ strep mutans]in their mouth and passes it on to the youngster. It also could possibly spread bacteria that causes gum disease if the adult is prone to that. If the person has a cold sore on the lip and kisses them,the herpes virus is passed on to the child. I know ugggh ! As a dentist, I can tell you these are real possibilities.

 

[farrier!]

So sorry you are going through this.....sounds like a lot more going on. Little things can add up to be such big things.
My daughter thought her Dad walked on water until he emailed her that her got married. It broke my heart to see her email that asked "who was your flower girl".
His true colors showed after that.
The hardest thing for me was to let her stay an extra week. It ended up with Dad at work and the new wife at home, a lot different then Dad around playing Dad once or twice a year.
So hang in there! At 13 my daughter has said she is more adult then her Dad. Also, unknown to me, she flat out told him she had too much going on with 4-H and church to spend time this summer with him.
As hard as it is at times kids do see through the falseness. Sometimes that desire to be wanted does not let them admit it for a while.

 

[conny63malies]

My 3y old DD would say "Ewww stop it thats gwoss" and wipe it off. We only kiss on the cheek.

 

[AngieChick]

Honestly, I would let it go. The father is a parent as well, and entitled to also make parenting decisions. I have many divorced friends who have to let their ex's have autonomy in what they do while at their house, they are after all no longer married. If there is abuse or neglect, that is another matter.

As to the "Mommy" issue, that is a tough one. It depends on how long she has been in the parent and what role she has had. I can understand that it's upsetting, and I am sure unsettling. If she has been in the picture for years and has taken on a parenting role, it is not unheard of for step parents to be called "Mom" as well as their biological mother. Your daughter can tell the difference between you and anyone else, there is no need to feel intimidated.

There are always going to be different rules and customs in each parent's home. That just goes with the territory. You need to differentiate what is a problem for You and what is a problem for your daughter. If the kissing doesn't bug her, let it go. Same with the Mommy issue. She knows her Mommy, your relationship is secure. Only you and your ex really know all of the details in this situation, and you will have to make a judgement on what is the right thing for your daughter.

 

[lurky]

I think it is wrong and not only because of cold and flu type germs, but COLD SORES. That a form of Herpes virus and it is said that a large % (75% maybe) of people that have cold sores get them as a child when people kiss them. This is contagious and forever and it can spread. I would teach your child/children to not allow people to kiss them like that.

 

[warmfuzzies]

We always kiss our kiddos on the lips, they are young. But I would NOT be happy if there were other people doing it. (Except for Grandma, she does. )

I do agree that she is doing it to get to you.

 

[EweSheep]

Quote:
I've known it for some time and we were never kissed on the lips except my husband LOL! I had an aunt that has BAD cold sores and she kisses her husband, her sons and grandkids, they ALL got it! I was pretty hissey fit about my aunt kissing my DD on the lips and thankfully DD does not have any signs of the sores. I told my mother to tell my aunt NOT to kiss her on the lips. So my dentist and family doctor said the same thing about cold sores as well.

 

[wegotchickens]

I never kissed my kids on the lips, was never myself kissed on the lips by my parents. And the thought is just too weird, to me.

But I have a real issue with the girlfriend telling your daughter to call her 'mommy'. That's just plain wrong. There is only one Mommy, and that's you.
And if the ex is not married to the girlfriend, then she's just way out of line in trying to take over the mommy label, anyway.
Do they live together?

I think you better get your attorney ready, and start documenting the requests you've made (date & such), the reasons for your requests, and their responses. Don't put your daughter in the middle and don't say negative things about them to her (not that you would, just saying...).
If he has said he wants custody and is allowing the girlfriend to say and do things that cross lines, make sure you keep good notes on their behavior so you can use them in court if you need to.

 

[HennysMom]

Uhm.... I honestly dont see what the big deal is with ANYONE kissing a child on the mouth. (not just the OP's issue). DH and I have always kissed both our kids on the lips and still do. When they were teeny babies, no... then they got it on the cheeks, head, etc...but...as toddlers and up, yep..on the smackeroo!

Grandparents, aunts, and their uncle all kiss them on the mouth - I still kiss my brother and sister on the mouth - as does my DH with his own sisters and mom. I still kiss my mom and when my dad was alive, him too - you guessed it..on the mouth. I guess it all depends on how you were raised, I dont know. We were always raised to show affection, kissing just is one of those affectionate things.

Now that being said - if anyone has a cold (or if we do) - they all get a cheek.....

Now - that being said - if your daughter is okay with it - then you should be as well. She has 2 parents and her father can make parental decisions as well. I dont see the harm in his girlfriend giving your daughter a kiss. That being said - asking her to call her "mommy" yeah.. I have an issue with that. If they plan on getting married down the line, she (your daughter) can call Step-mom something like "momma-whatever-her-name-is" (i.,e. Momma Kat" ) and you will always be MOMMY or MOM but clearly make a distinction. Your daughter is young so to call a step mom by the first name seems a bit rude at this age, so add something in front of it like above. And..please....do not make her call her "Auntie" - I know people that re-married that did t hat with young kids..confused the living daylights out of them.... Nothing like trying to explain "this is my step mom, but I call her Auntie Carol"....

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