another rant out of me re. people who dont get it

[drinkguiness]

People just don't know how to react in circumstances like this, especially if they have never experienced it. I remember a quote from a book that kind of summed it up for me: "If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels; and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it."

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

I imagine she was trying to show empathy. Yes, she failed miserably, but she tried, and that effort should count for something. She sounds inexperienced.


Many, many

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Clearly this person does not have children or never lost one. I also want to point out you have not failed at motherhood, but failed at carrying a child to term.

There is no way a parent could possibly equate losing a child to losing a dog. That is a hurt that never heals. And I will now, on your behalf, mentally smack all the people who are going to tell you to "just keep trying". I am so sorry for your loss this time as well as the others. I can tell you there is a glimmer of hope for you. My DIL lost 8 babies, and she is now for the first time past the danger zone into her 16th week. We pray every day for it to "stick" and I will add your name to that prayer.

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

My SIL lost baby after baby, and it was just heartbreaking to watch, and then, suddenly, she carried one to term, healthy, and another a year later... sometimes it just takes some time for the body to figure out how to manage. prayers to you for peace, and for finding forgiveness for your insensitive jerk of a counselor... so sorry that she is so unhelpful.

 

[JustClucky]

I'm SO sorry for your loss and I"m SO sorry about the dog comparison. That's so low... I've lost 2. My first, I was well into my second trimester. My grandmother told me, 'well.... You can always have another.' Then, when we did try again and had our first baby in our arms, she said, 'see? You got your replacement' as if I called to complain to Sears. I was devastated. I totally get where you're coming from. Many hugs, lots of love and compassion from me. Those who have angel babies are kind of bonded in a way. Hugs!!!

 

[ChooksinChoppers]

Quote:
It wasnt a baby?????? how on earth can they say such a thing? OMG I love God and Jesus more than anything and this is just the worst thing I have ever heard! .....many hugs to you and I am so so so sorry for your loss

 

[wolftracks]

First...............Get a new councelor! I mean it. You will never be able to get the help you need with this one. She's mindless.

I've lost 7. One was still born. I do have 6 kids though. I hate when doctors tell me something is impossible, so I showed them.

No one says the right thing at times like this. Then again, if you haven't lived through it, you have no idea how callouse you can sound. I have had the worse year and had losing my husband and parents compared to cats, dogs, fish, a tortiose!

Each loss is different and affects in a different way. You may have loved that person and the loss devistates you, but the only time you have any idea how someone feels is if they have lost the exact same person in their life. Child to child, husband to husband, wife to wife, Parent to parent. It's different every time.

I've gotten so angry at remarks like that. I'm trying though. It;s not easy. Like a husband's death is not like a divorce. People don't get it.

I have health issues that my kids have had the misfortune to be having problems with. I feel bad that I had them and this happened, but I had them because I wanted them to love.

Ease up on yourself. Guilty happens during grieving and only you will know when you're able to deal with what's happened. It's good you have looked for help, but like I said. You need to find someone else. I wonder how many others she has made feel the way you do.

 

[MoriahQuilts]

So sorry for your loss. I struggled with infertility for 20 years, only two pregnancies, both very early miscarriages. As hard as that was, I knew it would be so much harder to miscarry later, after I gave myself permission to hope, which is where YOU are. So so sorry. I felt like I had a telephone pole size hole in my chest, empty, no room for breath. Prayers for you, dear.

Ann

 

[welsummerchicks]

Sorry to hear about your losses as well as the ignorant comments you endured.

I do think that people don't realize how it sounds, and I do think that many people are just groping for something to say.

A counselor? No excuse. They are taught a great deal about how these situations cause people to feel.

 

[Godsgrl]

You have not failed at motherhood, not once. You are a mother, to 4 precious children, 4 precious angels up in Heaven who dearly love their mommy. Your therapists comment was very inconsiderate and cruel. I hope you can find a new counselor, I wouldn't even think of going back to this one again. She has no idea what you are going through. My sister lost a baby at 35 weeks, and although I cannot feel exactly what she went through, I know it was more than losing an animal. (((QuinnP)))

I think people don't know what to say when someone suffers a loss, so they just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. A counselor has had training, though, and should know better. When Malachi (my nephew) died, I told a friend of mine, and she started laughing and said, "That's okay, your sister doesn't need anymore children anyway." I never spoke to her again.

You're not a failure at anything. God loves you, and in His time, He will see you through this. God bless.

I'm sorry for your loss of precious Seanna.