Fluffy Butt Acres: Stories of our flock

[micstrachan]

@ChicoryBlue do you have any photos of the ladies on the new porch yet?

 

[micstrachan]

They are not lounging on it. But at roosting time they did file up and stand on it today, waiting their turn to go in. I had a smaller mock porch board in place with the ladder gone for two days while I worked each afternoon for a while on a template for the "real" one and tested with the ladder. I found a poop on that today, so maybe that's an Inaugural Sign? Somebody paused long enough for that!

I do have a roosting story, from the first day with the mock board and the ladder gone: Popcorn was the bravest when I showed them all the new porch idea, and put some scratch on it. Popcorn was the only one brave enough to jump-fly up and get the scratch.

So when it came time to roost, she was all in, except Hazel kept chasing her away. Popcorn wants to roost earlier than the others. Plus she is often not allowed to until everyone else has gone in, and Hazel (sometimes Butters) enforces that. But now Hazel was stalling with this new thing. She is the most nervous about things, and usually uses the ladder, so she kept walking back and forth along the edge, craning her neck, examining it, probably doing all kinds of calculus. Everyone else, except Popcorn, pondered and hesitated with this new thing.

Popcorn kept approaching the edge to jump-fly up ("What's the big deal?") but Hazel kept chasing her away, and Popcorn would circle away and come back to try again. That happened a few times. Finally she made a short fake-out circle and zoomed right past Hazel and up onto the porch. She practically ran into the coop. That was good enough for everybody else and they too jump-flew up, except Hazel. She hesitated but eventually bit the bullet. She's not usually last to roost!

I missed the order tonight, except I did see someone using the reinstalled ladder, and someone, probably Popcorn but it may have been Butters (tail feathers), waiting on the new porch.

“Probably doing all kinds of calculus!”

 

[Ponypoor]

Ask Aurora
Today's question comes from someone who calls themselves, Mr Perfect Balanced.

View attachment 3379318

He writes.......

Dear Aurora;

As a Macho Macho Man, it has come to my attention that there seem to be Enablers out there trying to entice my harem into sneaking off somewhere and magically reappearing with a line of (what I am sure will be adorable) offspring.

What Macho Macho Man wouldn't want to flex his wings and crow about his offspring! After all I am a well balanced individual…

Now while I would enjoy being a father, these thing do need planning and preparation. What are your thoughts on this?

Affectionately yours,

Mr Perfect Balanced

Dear Mr. Perfect Balanced (somehow, I don’t think that is really your name),

It has taken me a while to get to your letter because there were others with more pressing needs but now as the days start to get longer I feel the time is right to provide a response to your conundrum. First it is time for me to remind you of The Way of the Chicken as it seems you have lost your “Way”.

This leads me to wonder. Are you certain that you actually are a chicken? You bear a striking resemblance to that nutty lady in my tribe Phyllis. I’m pretty sure that chickens don’t really look like you all do.

However, that is besides the point as it does not help you with your question. It seems that you have ladies whom you protect and wait on hand and foot like a proper rooster should. Further, it appears that these ladies appreciate your efforts enough to permit you liaisons. So for the sake of this letter, and this letter only, we will assume you are a chicken.

It is The Way of the Chicken to reproduce regardless of the wishes of our human servants. Many times that requires feats of extraordinary engineering or agility. I saw that Momma Hen responded to you. She is possibly the greatest momma of all time. She just hatched chicks on the side of a ravine above a creek in winter!


Who does that?


A CHICKEN that’s who.


It is The Way of the Chicken and it is time you and your group stepped up and started acting like the clever chickens you are. You know why Momma Hen hatched chicks at the craziest time of the year in such a perilous location? Because she had to do so to elude her human servant. Whatever it takes.

If your ladies are not already talking with Momma Hen you better get busy setting it up. It is important that they learn from the master. This year should be the year for your tribe to double in size with broodies hidden everywhere. Couldn’t you use some sons to help take care of everyone?

You are right in one thing; it takes planning. You best get started soon so you can execute before your human servant returns. Your chances of success are much higher when she is not there.

Remember, it is your duty as a chicken to frustrate you human servant whenever possible. There is nothing like a surprise momma hen with chicks in tow to frustrate them. You have the perfect opportunity to do so. I expect to hear that you have taken advantage of it.

Or else, maybe I’m right and you are not really a chicken after all…..

View attachment 3379319

Dear Aurora;

Last week I bowed down to your awesomeness, but this week, I am a wee bit perturbed that my Overseer (who is definitely a chicken, a true rooster) would contact you regarding his fathering offspring.

Is it truly The Way of the Chicken to want to double a flock in size in such a short time? I would think that you would want to prevent any possibility of someone overthrowing one's throne... And while I am sure my other Overseers would have no problem with following your wishes, I can't think that they have thought it through if there was competition for the Head Overseer - in this case Queen Penelope.

Maybe I should have a quiet word with HRH regarding this, you know, to get her opinion on this. She who herself has never had any inclination to Motherhood - only Leadership.

Penelope may have to have a word with you, regarding The Way of the Chicken in this case.

Yours affectionately;

The Human
----------------

Queen Penelope

 

[BY Bob]

Bob, I just LOVE these Ask Aurora posts! I find myself with a goofy grin smeared across my face every time I read them. Maybe someday you should compile them into a book?

You are very kind. I love that everyone is enjoying them. I do feel like there is quite a bit of "local knowledge" in these posts that might not translate outside the thread. I am tagging them for quick retrieval just in case I ever want to pull them all out.

 

[micstrachan]

You are very kind. I love that everyone is enjoying them. I do feel like there is quite a bit of "local knowledge" in these posts that might not translate outside the thread. I am tagging them for quick retrieval just in case I ever want to pull them all out.

Hmmmm… I did not think about the local knowledge piece, but I’m glad you’re keeping track of them just in case!

 

[micstrachan]

@RoyalChick

I’m sorry… this was supposed to have a after it. But you know me and my thumbs and all my typos.

How are you holding up?

Weird. I had to edit this reply to correct the emoji again.

 

[Ponypoor]

OMG thats the funniest! I'm dying with tears in my eyes. Im laughing so hard I had to explain the whole series to my hubby lol.

I just about chocked on my spaghetti - as it was I snorted a spaghetti noodle up my nose! Good thing I wasn't eating in the cafeteria tonight

 

[Ponypoor]

I love this and it is perfect. I do have to say for at least another 2 weeks Momma hen is very busy and cannot ease up her guard for even a moment to help mentor future mothers to be. That is ok though, she mentioned something along the lines of Mr. Perfectly balanced has silkies in his flock, he should have no trouble being a real chicken. She also said he needs to tell his ladies it is time to get back online and start laying, there can be no chicks if the girls are not doing their part as well. If he needs more help Broken Chiquita will offer pep talks to the girls, she is trying to do her part in "The Way of The Chicken" even though her servant has removed the eggs and tosses her out of the nest multiple times a day. It is not working, she even tried to steal one of Momma's chicks which did not end up pretty. Feather's flew from both girls and Branch had to break it up. Momma also said to remember, Marty is your best choice, she is small, black and a silkie. She can hide very easily in many dark secluded locations. For best results and confusion talk Curly into pretending to be broody at the same time in a obvious location so no one notices what Marty is up to. Momma Hens final decree before tucking her brood in for the night. Every hen whether they have a boy or not in their flock should attempt to do their part at least once if not more times a year in this very vital role of "The Way of a Chicken."

hahaha - thanks Momma for giving them 'ideas'...

 

[featherhead007]

I just about chocked on my spaghetti - as it was I snorted a spaghetti noodle up my nose! Good thing I wasn't eating in the cafeteria tonight

That’s not normal Italian dining behavior!

 

[Ponypoor]

Dear Aurora;

Last week I bowed down to your awesomeness, but this week, I am a wee bit perturbed that my Overseer (who is definitely a chicken, a true rooster) would contact you regarding his fathering offspring.

Is it truly The Way of the Chicken to want to double a flock in size in such a short time? I would think that you would want to prevent any possibility of someone overthrowing one's throne... And while I am sure my other Overseers would have no problem with following your wishes, I can't think that they have thought it through if there was competition for the Head Overseer - in this case Queen Penelope.

Maybe I should have a quiet word with HRH regarding this, you know, to get her opinion on this. She who herself has never had any inclination to Motherhood - only Leadership.

Penelope may have to have a word with you, regarding The Way of the Chicken in this case.

Yours affectionately;

The Human
----------------

Queen Penelope
View attachment 3379339

That looks like a frown to me....