Official Squatch Watchers

[Redhead Rae]

@pitbullmomma Glad you survived the Christmas tree intact.

 

[ronott1]

So here's what happened.

I was driving to work this morning on the Garden State Parkway (or the GSP as us Jerseyans say). It is like the freaking Autobahn. You take your life into your hands when you drive it, but it's the only way to get up and down this stupid state. You can fly by the state troopers doing 90 and they don't even bat an eye, b/c you are just keeping up with traffic, although the speed limit is 65, which is a joke.

So I am talking to my hubby on the Bluetooth, toodling along at--I dunno--80 mph. All of a sudden--out of literally nowhere--a *Christmas tree* explodes out in front of me. It must have fallen off a truck. (Ok, but...WTF. It's almost February. Right?!)

This big log that was once part of the tree trunk goes right in front of my left front tire, I'm talking not a second to swerve. I yell "F***!!! F***!!" as I run over it and it immediately punctures my tire and destroys my rim. My hubby is like "Were you just in an accident?!" cuz he heard the thud (it was loud). No, I go, I just ran over a log from a Christmas tree. (?!?)

I pull over, heart thumping, put on my flashers, and eventually a state trooper comes by and asks me what's wrong. I go, It seems I just narrowly escaped death (what if it flew through my windshield? I would have been, like, decapitated) from a Christmas tree, officer. He goes, "Yeah, it was a Christmas tree. I just cleaned it off the road." (whoever dropped it just kept going, in true Jersey style, and left the exploded crap all over the road for a mile or two. B*stard!)

Anyway, long story short, hubby jacks up the car, takes off the tire, drives me to his mom's, and puts on this old donut tire from his 93 year old mother's Buick Century (2000 or 1900, I'm not sure which century really) that just happens to fit on my axle on my car, and I arrive to work almost two hours late, flashers on the whole time doing 60. Unbelievable.

My little sister laughed her azz off when I called and told her. She was like, "That's really messed up, and if you died I would have been sad, but in a couple years it would be a really good story, and I would chuckle as I told it." She is my favorite sister.

That's it. I'm alive, and so are you, if you are reading this. And that's a beautiful thing.

You had a very close call but seem to have a good attitude about it!

 

[ronott1]

I have a Kia Soul. It has 18" rims and thank God it came with a spare tire. Those are now considered a luxury item and only come with the higher end car packages. Seriously I think the base model of my car, which only comes in manual, has a can of fix a flat. I don't even think they give you a jack!

If it has a place for a spare, get one! It would be less expensive than a tow

 

[pitbullmomma]

whoa lots of people taking their trees to dump/recycle and trying to kill semi-jews to boot

no spare to save on weight and increase gas mileage.. some have an air compressor. but most have a can of fix a flat.

HAHAHAHA!!! I'm dying here....

It is so stupid that there is no spare!! Seriously. You pay 20K for a damn car, there should be a spare tire in it. That wasn't even an option when I bought it!

I'm just going to the junkyard and getting a Buick Century donut. It looks ridiculous, but it fits, somehow!

 

[Chickassan]

Now see! This is why you never openly hate Christmas...it knows I swear it does!
Learned my lesson a few years ago, I was gifted on of those ridiculous....uh I mean FABULOUS inflatables. Around two in the morning I saw a bright light and heard crackling?! And low and behold an eight foot Santa was now an eight foot fireball! Caught my bush "green kind" on fire scorched the paint off the car.
I ran out jerked the plug and dumped a coors light on it...didn't do a dang thing! Screamed FIRE nada..ended up just letting that sucker burn himself out.
I'm glad you survived, just know Christmas knows and Christmas is a vengeful mofo.

So here's what happened.

I was driving to work this morning on the Garden State Parkway (or the GSP as us Jerseyans say). It is like the freaking Autobahn. You take your life into your hands when you drive it, but it's the only way to get up and down this stupid state. You can fly by the state troopers doing 90 and they don't even bat an eye, b/c you are just keeping up with traffic, although the speed limit is 65, which is a joke.

So I am talking to my hubby on the Bluetooth, toodling along at--I dunno--80 mph. All of a sudden--out of literally nowhere--a *Christmas tree* explodes out in front of me. It must have fallen off a truck. (Ok, but...WTF. It's almost February. Right?!)

This big log that was once part of the tree trunk goes right in front of my left front tire, I'm talking not a second to swerve. I yell "F***!!! F***!!" as I run over it and it immediately punctures my tire and destroys my rim. My hubby is like "Were you just in an accident?!" cuz he heard the thud (it was loud). No, I go, I just ran over a log from a Christmas tree. (?!?)

I pull over, heart thumping, put on my flashers, and eventually a state trooper comes by and asks me what's wrong. I go, It seems I just narrowly escaped death (what if it flew through my windshield? I would have been, like, decapitated) from a Christmas tree, officer. He goes, "Yeah, it was a Christmas tree. I just cleaned it off the road." (whoever dropped it just kept going, in true Jersey style, and left the exploded crap all over the road for a mile or two. B*stard!)

Anyway, long story short, hubby jacks up the car, takes off the tire, drives me to his mom's, and puts on this old donut tire from his 93 year old mother's Buick Century (2000 or 1900, I'm not sure which century really) that just happens to fit on my axle on my car, and I arrive to work almost two hours late, flashers on the whole time doing 60. Unbelievable.

My little sister laughed her azz off when I called and told her. She was like, "That's really messed up, and if you died I would have been sad, but in a couple years it would be a really good story, and I would chuckle as I told it." She is my favorite sister.

That's it. I'm alive, and so are you, if you are reading this. And that's a beautiful thing.

 

[21hens-incharge]

HAHAHAHA!!! I'm dying here....

It is so stupid that there is no spare!! Seriously. You pay 20K for a damn car, there should be a spare tire in it. That wasn't even an option when I bought it!

I'm just going to the junkyard and getting a Buick Century donut. It looks ridiculous, but it fits, somehow!

We hunted down a full size tire and run for my car.

It IS ridiculous not to have a spare!

But then......My hubs tows quite a few vehicles that didn't have a spare......money in the pocket for us.



edited because autocorrect thinks it knows it all.....including carp I did not type because doing so would make ZERO sense!


Adding that up there I typed CRAP not CARP!!!! WTF autocorrect??????

 

[pitbullmomma]

I have a Kia Soul. It has 18" rims and thank God it came with a spare tire. Those are now considered a luxury item and only come with the higher end car packages. Seriously I think the base model of my car, which only comes in manual, has a can of fix a flat. I don't even think they give you a jack!

It's so stupid! Mine was the only new car I ever bought in my life (in 2012, it will probably be the only one) and it just had a jack and a little compressor but no spare. I don't even think they made a spare for them at that time. It's such a ripoff. Like what do you do when you hit a Christmas tree and you screw up your rim?? Hello, that janky lil compressor won't do squat then!

 

[CSAchook]

Now see! This is why you never openly hate Christmas...it knows I swear it does!
Learned my lesson a few years ago, I was gifted on of those ridiculous....uh I mean FABULOUS inflatables. Around two in the morning I saw a bright light and heard crackling?! And low and behold an eight foot Santa was now an eight foot fireball! Caught my bush "green kind" on fire scorched the paint off the car.
I ran out jerked the plug and dumped a coors light on it...didn't do a dang thing! Screamed FIRE nada..ended up just letting that sucker burn himself out.
I'm glad you survived, just know Christmas knows and Christmas is a vengeful mofo.

Fortunately you are now protected by an anti-Christmas attack derp.

 

[pitbullmomma]

You had a very close call but seem to have a good attitude about it!

Nothing gets me down Ron!!! I find the funny in everything, really. Any day above ground is a good day, ya know?!

 

[staceyj]

Lol! You are totally right @apryl29 Ohio is really,really weird! I only stayed up there a week but I was impressed as a mofo at it.
BTW, ya'll my worst fears have come true hubs told somebody about his H2O spy situation...i'm beyond embarassed and now pretty Pat crowing worried.
No idea why he felt that need, the guy he told isn't too bad but his wife has a BIG mouth and is a troublemaker and thrives on drama.
I know he will tell her! They both drink alot and that crap will come out, and she works up there too. OMG!!

Just catching up for the day and almost spit my chicken and rice across the room when I read this.
Oh no.