Fluffy Butt Acres: Stories of our flock

[BY Bob]

I could ship you some eggs....

The girls would have to work that with you behind my back. No thanks.

 

[BY Bob]

I’m being groomed by a 5 lb Rock. I hope there’s nothing to find in my mustache!

There may be a snack hidden in there!

 

[BY Bob]

Hahahaha lucky!

You ever think of shoving some chicks under the broodies? Some nice legbars? Can they be sexed at hatching??

I think constantly of giving Phyllis some polish eggs to hatch. I need to resolve the possible mareks situation first. It would be horrible to watch the chicks catch mareks and die.

 

[BY Bob]

This is BoPeeps. She’s a lover not a fighter! She’s the biggest one of all the girls, but always gets picked on by the rest. Her feathering is so different than the rest of the girls, I’m not sure if she’s a Barred Rock.View attachment 3355252

Maybe she is a "real" barred rock?

 

[BY Bob]

Ask Aurora
Today's question comes from Jaffar!

Jaffar Asks,

I’m a good rooster but I need some Wednesday advice from the expert. My hens won’t listen to me, when I call them to come under the porch, where it’s warm.

Coco-Rico! what’s a rooster to do? “



Dear Jaffar,

First let me say, I love your name. Your owner truly expects a lot from you to give you such a name. Great character and having a parrot as a pet, marvelous. I have always wanted a parrot for a pet. Just Imagine….



But I digress, on to the issue at hand.

Like all roosters you seem to think we hens are dense. Right, it is warmer under the porch. I bet the hens in the tribe have all heard that line before. They come for warmth and then you surprise them with unwanted “affection”. Just like all those times you told them you had food for them and it was a piece of stick. Just to get them closer so you could have your way with them. They are on to you and good for them.

The problem with you roosters is that you are always so whiny. Please girls come over here. Please girls don’t fight. Stop picking on the young ladies. Uck! Gag me.

Let me teach you one thing. If you learn this you will be so much less frustrated than every other rooster on the planet.

YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE

You are here to serve and protect us hens. Period. If you do what you are asked, come when called, and are always willing to die for our safety then you are doing your job well. Stick to those things. Don’t try and tell us what to do.

If we need a safe place to lay an egg. Find us one. In fact, find us several. We will inspect them until we find one that is satisfactory. You clowns can never get it right the first time.

If we have laid an egg and call out for an escort, you come running and escort us to the rest of tribe. Even if we can see everyone from where we laid the egg. You come running right away. Do NOT make us wait.

If we need you to watch the kids so we can have an afternoon out with the girls or for crying out loud just take a bath in peace without one of them jumping on our back or getting into trouble. You watch the kids. You wanted them after all.

And if you are offering a food to us, offer food. NO, A BLADE OF GRASS OR A LEAF IS NOT SOME SUPER TREAT WORTH CALLING US TO COME EAT! You better have a bug or a big juicy worm or something similar. Trust me, we will just start to ignore you if you don’t have something truly good EVERY TIME. Try to remember the story of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”. If you don’t know it, get your human to tell it to you.

Acceptable phrases for you to say are,

• Yes Mam
• No Mam
• Thank you, Mam
• I’m sorry Mam. I’ll do better next time

One more thing……..

Please stop begging. It is demeaning to watch. And that silly wing thing you try to do. No one is falling for that old line. We will let you know when you can hop on for a quick ride. Don’t you ever jump someone who said no or is unprepared. It is a waste of time as we will just spit your stuff back out anyway. We will let you know when the time is right.

In summary remember this. The top hen leads the tribe. You do as she tells you, treat the hens under her charge with respect, stop trying to tell everyone what to do, and you will have an enjoyable life. Keep trying to tell the hens what to do and you will lead a sad frustrating life. We just don’t care what you think.

We all know you really only want one thing.

 

[featherhead007]

Maybe she is a "real" barred rock?

Heritage maybe?
She’s got a big fluffy butt!

 

[ChicoryBlue]

The problem there is you're then breathing in carbonmonoxcide

This is incorrect, people exhale carbondioxide, not carbonmonoxide. Good masks filter the fresh air in and allow exhaled air to pass out through. A high-quality mask is perfectly fine- think of surgeons performing multi-hour surgeries, they don't suffer ill effects from wearing their mask for so many hours.

 

[featherhead007]

Ask Aurora
Today's question comes from Jaffar!
View attachment 3355287


Jaffar Asks,

I’m a good rooster but I need some Wednesday advice from the expert. My hens won’t listen to me, when I call them to come under the porch, where it’s warm.

Coco-Rico! what’s a rooster to do? “



Dear Jaffar,

First let me say, I love your name. Your owner truly expects a lot from you to give you such a name. Great character and having a parrot as a pet, marvelous. I have always wanted a parrot for a pet. Just Imagine….

View attachment 3355292

But I digress, on to the issue at hand.

Like all roosters you seem to think we hens are dense. Right, it is warmer under the porch. I bet the hens in the tribe have all heard that line before. They come for warmth and then you surprise them with unwanted “affection”. Just like all those times you told them you had food for them and it was a piece of stick. Just to get them closer so you could have your way with them. They are on to you and good for them.

The problem with you roosters is that you are always so whiny. Please girls come over here. Please girls don’t fight. Stop picking on the young ladies. Uck! Gag me.

Let me teach you one thing. If you learn this you will be so much less frustrated than every other rooster on the planet.

YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE

You are here to serve and protect us hens. Period. If you do what you are asked, come when called, and are always willing to die for our safety then you are doing your job well. Stick to those things. Don’t try and tell us what to do.

If we need a safe place to lay an egg. Find us one. In fact, find us several. We will inspect them until we find one that is satisfactory. You clowns can never get it right the first time.

If we have laid an egg and call out for an escort, you come running and escort us to the rest of tribe. Even if we can see everyone from where we laid the egg. You come running right away. Do NOT make us wait.

If we need you to watch the kids so we can have an afternoon out with the girls or for crying out loud just take a bath in peace without one of them jumping on our back or getting into trouble. You watch the kids. You wanted them after all.

And if you are offering a food to us, offer food. NO, A BLADE OF GRASS OR A LEAF IS NOT SOME SUPER TREAT WORTH CALLING US TO COME EAT! You better have a bug or a big juicy worm or something similar. Trust me, we will just start to ignore you if you don’t have something truly good EVERY TIME. Try to remember the story of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”. If you don’t know it, get your human to tell it to you.

Acceptable phrases for you to say are,

• Yes Mam
• No Mam
• Thank you, Mam
• I’m sorry Mam. I’ll do better next time

One more thing……..

Please stop begging. It is demeaning to watch. And that silly wing thing you try to do. No one is falling for that old line. We will let you know when you can hop on for a quick ride. Don’t you ever jump someone who said no or is unprepared. It is a waste of time as we will just spit your stuff back out anyway. We will let you know when the time is right.

In summary remember this. The top hen leads the tribe. You do as she tells you, treat the hens under her charge with respect, stop trying to tell everyone what to do, and you will have an enjoyable life. Keep trying to tell the hens what to do and you will lead a sad frustrating life. We just don’t care what you think.

We all know you really only want one thing.

View attachment 3355289

“It’s because I’m short isn’t it?”

 

[featherhead007]

This is incorrect, people exhale carbondioxide, not carbonmonoxide. Good masks filter the fresh air in and allow exhaled air to pass out through. A high-quality mask is perfectly fine- think of surgeons performing multi-hour surgeries, they don't suffer ill effects from wearing their mask for so many hours.

Back in college, I’m pretty sure that my roommate’s breathing was carbon monoxide.

 

[bgmathteach]

That she did!

So did I......

Oh wait, I don't have a rooster!

Ha, Ha, Ha. I know where you live!! (well, sort of, I could drive around Hershey PA until I found you!!)

Remember I have lots of chickens...I am willing to share.