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pitbullmomma said:
OK, so here goes.

I'm gonna preface this by saying that I have been with my DH for 9 years tomorrow. A long time. I have been through a TON of crap with him--his son getting killed, my nephew getting killed, my mom dying, my house getting destroyed in Sandy, my crackup, job loss, you name it. My point is, we have history. And I am his WIFE. And all through it, I have never felt like his family has really liked or accepted me, although they are polite (they are WEIRD. Silent, noncommunicative, non-animal-loving not-my-people- kind of people).

So we went up north like an hour and a half yesterday for a surprise 50th anniversary party for his sister and her husband. It was thrown by DH's nephew and his wife, the anniversary couple's son. We gave them a nice chunk of change and a card and I took a Xanax beforehand (to deal with the stress of going, because I don't like being around that many people and a bunch of screaming kids and stuff). So I thought I was cool, it was all cool.

I go over by the buffet table and they have these clotheslines with all these old family photos strung up. And there staring me in the face, is DH'S WEDDING PICTURE WITH HIS EX WIFE. In her gown, he in his tux, all the old dead family members in the wedding party. Like--are you FREAKING. KIDDING. ME???!!!

Which is exactly what I said. Before I grabbed my beer and stood out on the front porch, fuming. He comes out a while later to see if I was OK, which I was not. He goes, "I told Michael (his nephew) and he covered her head with the clothespin." Frigging REALLY? I was like, I'm not coming in the house till that sh1t comes down, that is ridiculous and unacceptable (needless to say, there are no pics of me and him--nor am I ever invited to be in any of their family photos when they get together, something else that has always bothered me).He comes back out awhile later and says "they took it down. You can come in now." I did, I take another half Xanax, am still fuming and just want to go home.

When I go over to (surreptitiously, not) look and see if it is truly gone, Michael's wife makes some snide-azz remark like "oh we had to move the picture here" as she rearranged the clothespins. I said nothing, taking the high road. In fact, I said pretty much nothing for the rest of the (miserably too-long) evening. On the way home, when I got home, except to mention how totally hosed I think his family is. Then I went to bed. And cried.

I am still upset. Do you think I am overreacting? I don't want to go to any of the rest of their horrible holiday gatherings. They suck.

That's not the first time they've done stuff like that....

And now I feel like crying again. Except I'm mad. Still.


If you have been able to read this whole thing (I know, I know) I would really like your opinion. Thanks~ xo
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Sadly , you don't get to pick hubby's relatives. I got lucky, my hubby has nice ones( they are Canadian). I think i might have ripped it off the line and threw it on the floor. But i would hope i could just ignore it. You can't help it if they are jerks.
 
pitbullmomma said:
He insists it was not them being malicious, just thoughtless. I'm sorry, but how can you be that thoughtless?

We just had a huge fight over it; he yelled at me and acted like it is my fault and I am the a--hole for being upset.

He said "don't go to any more family things, you never want to go anyway." It is true I do hate going and try to get out because I have always felt excluded.

Now I REALLY do not want to go to any more of their incessant holiday get togethers....and then I get crap from him when I don't want to go ie "You hate my family." Well, they never acted like they really like me!
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Tell him to ask his family if they want you there. Plain and simple. Say he needs an honest answer cause if you're not welcome you're not coming.
 
Pbm.....people like that don't get it.....they will never get it. Sadly some people just have never been taught better. But you are better than that, you're kind and caring and so you and his family mix like oil and water. They are NOT worth the hurt or the time you have lost feeling miserable. Take a deep breath.....walk outside and scream.....punch a pillow.....then try to let it go. They will never change....but you have a choice. Be miserable and pissed (for a little while) or realize how lucky you are that they aren't blood relatives. Wouldn't want that seeping into your gene pool.

Loves ya

As for DH. Try to let it go.....unfortunately they are the only family he has.
 
Thanks PBM. Morning was rough, really really rough today.

Ok so.......

What I am hearing you say is that for your entire marriage to him they have been passively aggressively trying to.make you feel unworthy, or less than whatever the ex was.

Um....they are divorced. I kinda think that says she is the unworthy one.

Trying to make you feel like a nothing/nobody is a very hurtful thing to deal with.
You are a very worthy person who deserves so much better.
He obviously knows this since he married you. ;)

Possibly he is just very use to being submissive to them. It sucks taters. He is supposed to be your champion and partner in life.
I doubt it will change.

I would tell him you love him but won't participate in the gatherings anymore. That it is hurtful and you are simply done with that in life.

There are enough people in the world willing to gleefully hurt people. Family shouldn't be on that list.
:hugs
 
pitbullmomma said:
Actually Ron, it was a "three half-a-Xanax and a 4 beers" kind of day. That is how bad it was. (Yes, yes, I know. I don't need an intervention, trust me. It was either that or kill somebody. Unfortunately, I have a liver that could make Courtney Love proud. WHen I die, I will donate it to science.)

I haven't taken a Xanax since last time this year when I quit my awful job and was losing my sheeit. I mean I have been very yogic about everything. But this, this just really got to me.

My DH doesn't really get it, which just infuriates me more. He's like "it's not my fault." Well, stand up for your wife jackass!

I am SO DONE with his family. And the holidays. :smack :barnie
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I would be too!
 
pitbullmomma said:
OK, so here goes.

I'm gonna preface this by saying that I have been with my DH for 9 years tomorrow. A long time. I have been through a TON of crap with him--his son getting killed, my nephew getting killed, my mom dying, my house getting destroyed in Sandy, my crackup, job loss, you name it. My point is, we have history. And I am his WIFE. And all through it, I have never felt like his family has really liked or accepted me, although they are polite (they are WEIRD. Silent, noncommunicative, non-animal-loving not-my-people- kind of people).

So we went up north like an hour and a half yesterday for a surprise 50th anniversary party for his sister and her husband. It was thrown by DH's nephew and his wife, the anniversary couple's son. We gave them a nice chunk of change and a card and I took a Xanax beforehand (to deal with the stress of going, because I don't like being around that many people and a bunch of screaming kids and stuff). So I thought I was cool, it was all cool.

I go over by the buffet table and they have these clotheslines with all these old family photos strung up. And there staring me in the face, is DH'S WEDDING PICTURE WITH HIS EX WIFE. In her gown, he in his tux, all the old dead family members in the wedding party. Like--are you FREAKING. KIDDING. ME???!!!

Which is exactly what I said. Before I grabbed my beer and stood out on the front porch, fuming. He comes out a while later to see if I was OK, which I was not. He goes, "I told Michael (his nephew) and he covered her head with the clothespin." Frigging REALLY? I was like, I'm not coming in the house till that sh1t comes down, that is ridiculous and unacceptable (needless to say, there are no pics of me and him--nor am I ever invited to be in any of their family photos when they get together, something else that has always bothered me).He comes back out awhile later and says "they took it down. You can come in now." I did, I take another half Xanax, am still fuming and just want to go home.

When I go over to (surreptitiously, not) look and see if it is truly gone, Michael's wife makes some snide-azz remark like "oh we had to move the picture here" as she rearranged the clothespins. I said nothing, taking the high road. In fact, I said pretty much nothing for the rest of the (miserably too-long) evening. On the way home, when I got home, except to mention how totally hosed I think his family is. Then I went to bed. And cried.

I am still upset. Do you think I am overreacting? I don't want to go to any of the rest of their horrible holiday gatherings. They suck.

That's not the first time they've done stuff like that....

And now I feel like crying again. Except I'm mad. Still.


If you have been able to read this whole thing (I know, I know) I would really like your opinion. Thanks~ xo
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I know how ya feel been there before. Fortunately the family i have been in the last 12 years totally love me for some reason :confused:
 
TexasSam said:
I know how ya feel been there before. Fortunately the family i have been in the last 12 years totally love me for some reason :confused:
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:: Dragging my chair over to
Sam ::
:: Climbing up on that dang chair so I can reach Sam's head ::
:: Giving Sam a noogie and cheek pinches ::
It's cause you're so freaking loveable silly.
 

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