Everyone: Thank you thank you thank you for your caring & friendly words, it is helpful and comforting. You all know how devastating it is, I appreciate you all writing notes. Please forgive me if I've missed anyone here. These thanks are so late, sorry. It was and sometime still is so overwhelming.
@featherhead007 Thank you for your words that describe it exactly, and for the poster words and sweet picture that lit a way forward from this awful place for me.
Thank you
@Scrambles83 for saying this, and acknowledging it's okay to take the time to grieve, and to separate the pain of loss, let that flow, and the pain of blaming myself, let that go.
@Ribh Thank you and you are right, and don't worry I'm still caring for them and that does help some. It's all sad and healing at the same time to be with them, plus I'm afraid for them. She did have more time here, and great quality time, than she would have had starving into the winter where she was.
Thank you, and thank you for the heart,
@micstrachan , it is a big hurt. She did an amazing integration into this group, didn't she? And really figured out how to fit in and thrive. She had flock/tribe smarts and a great personality. I loved her voice! Her eager huffing caws. And until recently she was the only one who would do the escort call. But just two weeks ago I heard a duet of escort calls - one of the Buckeyes was doing it too! Maybe they kept each other going, because it went on for a long time. Queenie was loud, strong and clear, the Buckeye was a little raspy but doing pretty well keeping up her end. Then yesterday I heard a raspy short version of it from someone! So maybe they will carry on with it.
Thank you,
@Aussie-Chookmum . Thank you for the hugs! She did really get into her new tribe, just the day or two before, she had a great time dustbathing with everyone. Actually, she tried to join the others who had started first and there wasn't enough good bathing space in the dirt hole so she left and waited. When they were done she went over there and started a solo dustbath. But then the others saw her and joined in - only this time she was in the good center area and she wasn't letting herself get pushed out with the other's squirming. I filmed the beginning part with my phone, BYC says it's the wrong format but I will try to post it another way.
Thank you. You are right,
@RoyalChick , nothing is 100% safe if they also are to be chickens too. Even in their run it's not 100%. It has been helpful to remember that, but the risk is higher than I gauged before.
Queenie may have warned Butters enough so that she moved a bit and the hawk's first strike was off, allowing Butters to squirm away, losing feathers (she looks like a NN when she ruffles now. I've checked her over again, she also has some feathers gone from her shoulders but I see no piercing wounds). Partly it's Queenie's previous ranging experience and gusto for leading the ranging that swayed me to give them more ranging time, but not attending to them enough was a huge mistake. But even close attendance is not 100% fail-safe either.
Thanks for the hugs. The rest of the tribe has been a joy still.
Thank you
@Lady Red for this, and the hugs, I'm trying to be kind. It seems I can forgive others more easily than myself.
Thank you
@Marie2020 , and thank you for the hugs. I'm watching her, Butters seems okay so far. I have not tried holding her or stroking her since checking her twice for any wounds, in case she's sore and bruised under the feathers. She is not squatting for me like she used to, so I'm guessing she is sore and doesn't want to be touched.
Dear
@BY Bob , thank you. I know you know, and you did warn me of this possibility. Thank you for wishing to take the pain away. Thank you for the hugs!
How true about nature,
@CrazyChookChookLady ! It was all a series of factors, in which I played a role. Trying to realize that included successes besides failings.
That is such a sweet thought,
@RebeccaBoyd ! Thank you. I wonder if Buff Orpingtons are usually so personable? She had a special way about her.
@Blazinga I know you do. Thank you. I'm so sorry for your loss and pain too.
Thank you for your note
@LaFemmeKatia , yes it does seem like there's been a rash of losses one way or another. I'm nervous too!
Thank you so much,
@MaryJanet . Thank you for the hugs too.
Thank you
@LozzyR , yes, there was a long stretch of caring specially for her as she "quarantined" and then was integrating, and beyond. Thanks. The choices I made that contributed to her death in her time of need make it especially hard. I couldn't get aviary netting up everywhere there that I wanted. The area was evolving. And this is how it happened this time. Maybe in some other version of it, Butters would have been unable to get away and would be the one killed, if there was only one, and the fence aspect of it wouldn't hurt so much. But in that version I would be grieving horribly too. I didn't know my limits. Thank you for the hugs!