Hold it. How does that diagnosis, compared to the other possibilities, make this so especially horrible? I think you are experiencing the second-guessing that grief brings. Please forgive the following rant, but I hope this will ease your mind some:
It is not how much cancer you have but what & where it happens to be impinging on, interfering with, pushing against (or not) that causes pain and discomfort. People can go along with a lot of cancer in them and not know it, and I would guess chickens too. That is why cancer is such a sneaky disease. I'm being flippant but in some ways I would rather have deadly cancer than deadly infections like salpingitis, where infection eats away at you right from the get-go and one has pain right away. One can live pain-free with quite a bit of metastasis. The ascites itself causes discomfort because of volume and you did help her there. Cancer in joints and bones can be painful, yes. Unless it originates there, for most people that is close to the end of their journey. Masses in the belly and elsewhere aren't necessarily painful.
But understand that pain can change as the disease of cancer progresses. It can even go away, and then pop up eventually somewhere else. Know that it's not necessarily a cumulative experience of pain as the cancer spreads. Humans can also have extremely painful non-cancerous cysts or growths, or be filled with cancer and be fairly pain-free, it depends. It's a judgement call between patient and doctors on how to treat, what pain meds to give and when and how to administer palliative care when needed. Everyone's experience is unique.
Often, our perception of cancer patients' trials and tribulations - the severe weight loss, the paleness, the hair loss - often that is due to the treatments, which can cause nausea, taste loss, blood problems, etc, not necessarily the cancer! Humans are able to eat a lot of calories. Maybe chickens cannot make it up the way humans can? Cancer is indeed hungry, it is rapid cell division, and weight loss can be due to the inability to keep up with the demands of both the cancer and the normal cell metabolism. But humans may both lose weight or gain weight with undiagnosed cancer. Ruby was eating and pooping up to her last days as I understand it, so in my opinion she was not likely blocked until the very end.
You observed Ruby very carefully. She had what appeared to be many good days in this journey because of your care. Try to remember that.
You guys are chatterboxes!!!
