Fluffy Butt Acres: Stories of our flock

[LozzyR]

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s such a hard situation

Maybe try sharing some resources on talking to people with dementia with her brother and her other visitors. Something very small may have set her off. This really isn’t that uncommon from what I’ve learned about living with and caring dementia patients. If you can learn the triggers and surround her with things that keep her in a happy place it makes things easier. You never know though, sometimes the complete change from “normal” of going into a care home can really change things positively as well. Complete strangers are strangely less likely to trigger negative reactions. My grandmother, surrounded by strangers, with no expectations of her to remember them, simple routines, and games, was much happier in her final five years, with very few moments of fear and paranoia.

Remember this is a huge adjustment for everyone in the family. And Grandma’s probably very afraid too.

With my mom I’ve been working on not saying “remember” at all in conversation, and this tiny change has helped with the hostility. And not arguing with false statements like “I’ve never seen this movie before” (it was a favourite from the Nineties, we watched it at least a dozen times!) and I know damn well the last time she rode a horse was when we went for a trail ride on vacation on a whim when I was 15… and focus on the things that being out the good memories of childhood/youth. Music and TV shows can be great tools. The chickens are clearly one of those as well.

@RebeccaBoyd play her some of her favourite music from her youth. Neuroscientists are discovering it can be amazing therapy.

 

[featherhead007]

The goats aren’t available right now. The awful acid from the sky is happening and they might get their hooves wet! I will happily send you a dozen sheep or so. How many can you fit in your plane? There are several fields here that are adequate for landing and takeoffs, although if you could borrow a seaplane that would be better.

The SkyHawk seats four. How much does a sheeps weigh?

 

[MaryJanet]

With my mother it was all about not engaging in exactly how I was managing the house and getting meals for my Dad. She wanted everything done exactly as she did it, but I had a full time job so Dad and I compromised. We just didn’t tell her So when she said things like did you get the exact flavor pie or did you vacuum under the sofa, I would just say ‘of course’, and when she accused me of undermining her because I always had to know best and how I had always hated her etc., I just disengaged and went to do something else.
She didn’t have Alzheimer’s, she had secondary tumors in her brain from advanced breast cancer - but it messes with personality just the same way.
I loved her very much and I know she loved me, but that last year was tough and I am totally at peace that my Dad and I spent a year lying to her.

We did similar with our mum too. It was kinder than arguing.

 

[featherhead007]

Coin was tossed. I’m going to see my horse tomorrow. (And possibly stop by the lake for a bit of lunch )

 

[RoyalChick]

The goats aren’t available right now. The awful acid from the sky is happening and they might get their hooves wet! I will happily send you a dozen sheep or so. How many can you fit in your plane? There are several fields here that are adequate for landing and takeoffs, although if you could borrow a seaplane that would be better.

I am in all seriousness looking to hire some goats. Or is that rent some goats?
It is impossible to get behind the barn because it is so overgrown, but there is some serious siding repair that needs doing and a new roof.
I thought maybe goats for a week could clear it enough that we could get access.

 

[bgmathteach]

Had to pop off for a little while, because life gets in the way… DH and Mom both have Medical appointments in two different cities. DH was also stuck in town dealing with a nasty infection from a burn Wednesday through Saturday morning, then out to travel for his other Medical appointments Saturday afternoon and expected home tomorrow. I’ve been struggling with the chores, the goats, and little fluff, a lack of water and power. (anyone thinking of a homestead or building an off grid house… first thing is get your water system done, forget shelter, don’t start anything until there is some Semblance of a water system)

So, mama didn’t sit on little fluff any I didn’t have any heat available, I was waiting on DH who was running late with my first 5 gallons of water for the goats, and holding little fluff while letting the chickens out, because it wasn’t getting any earlier. I tripped, face planted, and did what I could to protect the tiny little thing I was holding from the fall. I managed to not fall on her, but on impact my thumb tore the skin of her cheek. I was quite distraught and didn’t have a good day Saturday, to say the least. I put her in our black Jeep parked in the sun for heat and that worked, but things were still touch and go basically all day. Then in the evening, my crazy mama decided she did want her second baby. I was very apprehensive about the facial wound and mama pecking the chick but we have settled down and things are looking normal. This is from yesterday View attachment 3078704
I’ve pulled out the second functional meat tractor and set Trouble and her friends up in there for now. Mama and these chicks are going to have longer in the tractor than usual before I turn them completely loose, to be sure little fluff is keeping up. I’ve resolved to let things take as long as they need. I have an expectation of having everyone out, fed, watered, moved, and set up for the day by a certain time in the morning. I’m scrapping that. I still will be waiting until full light for letting the free range chickens out, but if it takes until noon, I would rather that than deal with a situation like Saturday from trying to juggle too much at once. This is a big personal issue of mine (taking on too much, or trying to do it all myself, and setting time expectations and not being flexible enough with them)

She looks like she is doing quite well. I suspect that as long as it doesn't get infected, she will be fine. She is a fighter & wants to live, and since Warrior mamma has accepted ehr, she will protect her with her life, I suspect! (lets hope she doesn't have to, I was just meaning she seems fiercely protective.)

 

[LozzyR]

But it’s something I would like to see more openly discussed as a society, because so many people are going through these challenges, and thinking they are alone facing it. Maybe I feel it a bit more acutely because I’m so isolated myself in the last five months prior to my town trip I had seen less than ten people outside of DH and his family (who I avoid like the plague )

The sooner we get rid of ‘taboos’ and let no topic go unspoken about, the better off society will be.

 

[MaryJanet]

The sooner we get rid of ‘taboos’ and let no topic go unspoken about, the better off society will be.

And the sooner we realise that when interacting with each other, there is more than one Truth.

 

[bgmathteach]

With my mother it was all about not engaging in exactly how I was managing the house and getting meals for my Dad. She wanted everything done exactly as she did it, but I had a full time job so Dad and I compromised. We just didn’t tell her So when she said things like did you get the exact flavor pie or did you vacuum under the sofa, I would just say ‘of course’, and when she accused me of undermining her because I always had to know best and how I had always hated her etc., I just disengaged and went to do something else.
She didn’t have Alzheimer’s, she had secondary tumors in her brain from advanced breast cancer - but it messes with personality just the same way.
I loved her very much and I know she loved me, but that last year was tough and I am totally at peace that my Dad and I spent a year lying to her.

Bless you for having the fortitude to go through this. IMO, a gentle lie to someone who is not quite right - for whatever reason - IS the best for them. Since you and Dad (who, I assume, was completely of sound mind) were okay with what you were able to do, I think you did the correct thing. I worked in an alzheimers ward for many years as a CNA, and what I can tell you is the negative emotions(and positive) linger even if they don't know why. If I was on shift and had to block/redirect, etc a patient from 'escaping' the ward when a guest was entering/leaving, I could not be the one to care for them that evening, because the emotion of anger would linger & whenever they saw me that nigh,t would get upset all over again...even though they didn't know why. (I worked with a great group, and we would just 'trade patients' for the shift when something like that happened.) SO...a little white lie, or ignoring a trigger - IS the correct thing to do. Just as @Kris5902 said...don't contradict them if they said they never did 'X', because they truly don't remember doing it...they will feel like you are either calling them a liar, or confusing them or they feel like they are stupid.

A daughter used to visit her mom every weekend (she lived a couple hours away), and initially she would cry every time because her mom would think she was her mother (i.e. daughter's grandma). I reframed it for her: Your mom KNOWS you are related to her, but what she can remember are things from her teens and early 20s right now. So, that is the only person you could logically be - because she hadn't had a daughter yet. The fact that she 'recognizes' you (as her mother), and is happy to see you - shows that. Try not to correct her - just go with the fact that at she has the emotional memory of you, even if she can't quite get who you really are....and that emotional memory is one of love and happiness to see you!

 

[bgmathteach]

Thanks for sharing this, I’m sorry for your loss and how challenging that was for you. It’s hard, especially as a fundamentally honest person, to outright lie to them, but I’ve read that sometimes it’s actually the kindest thing you can do, or to at least skirt the truth around a difficult or triggering subject. Like when they say something like “oh I was talking with your uncle bill last week about Johnny’s math tutoring” but “uncle bill” has been deceased for a decade and Johnny is a chemist with a wife, two teens and a college student as kids… just play along, because for them it was just yesterday, because reminding them that uncle bill isn’t with us anymore will upset and embarrass them, and make them angry or they will re-live the grief of losing their own beloved sibling. It’s such a delicate and challenging situation and it’s going to be different for everyone going through it. But it’s something I would like to see more openly discussed as a society, because so many people are going through these challenges, and thinking they are alone facing it. Maybe I feel it a bit more acutely because I’m so isolated myself in the last five months prior to my town trip I had seen less than ten people outside of DH and his family (who I avoid like the plague )

Was for you and your willingess to share how to love someone with dementia - hard as it may be.
Are for ALL you are going through: Mom, DH, in-laws, remoteness, RV/lack of water & electric, etc., etc., etc.....

And, finally You continue to amaze me: you are a strong, capable woman. I would have cracked long ago. You are amazing & an inspiration!