Official Squatch Watchers

[biophiliac]

Actually triple like your response Anansi

Me too! I do wonder why he wants PBM to go when the result is unhappiness all around. Denial?

 

[rjohns39]

Morning all

OK, so here goes.
That's not the first time they've done stuff like that....
And now I feel like crying again. Except I'm mad. Still.
If you have been able to read this whole thing (I know, I know) I would really like your opinion. Thanks~ xo

Cindi, I don't know what to say. Some people are totally blind to what family does to hurt others.

 

[CapricornFarm]

Good morning, all.

And thanks, Anansi.

He gets really defensive when I bring anything like that up, and he always insists that 1.) they didn't mean it; 2.) I am too sensitive; 3.) They are just different from my family; 4.) etc.

He actually thinks that his nephew thought it was "funny, like it was a joke" that he put that picture up. Really?! Ha ha, guess what--really not funny.

He is very passive when it comes to his family, he won't come right out and say "this was wrong, and you made Cindi feel like sh1t, and I'm not gonna stand for it anymore. She is my wife."

He said he will say something to his 83 year old mother, because she will say something to her sister, who will then say something to her son and his wfe. Really?! Be a man. Stick up for me. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would be right in that family member's face saying do not ever do something idiotic like that again, it is unacceptable.

But he doen't stand up for me with his family and he never has.

When we first got got together, he lived with me a year and a half before he told any of his family about me and where he was living (and I was a doctor, a vet, living in her own house that she bought after moving back to NJ, with a new job and a thousand bucks in her pocket. Not something to be ashamed of). And he finally told his mother about me, he had to write a letter to her to tell her he found someone he was in love with and was living with me. Couldn't say in person.

Because these are people who never talk about their feelings. They do not talk, in fact, about anything.

He gets mad at me when I get upset and turns it around on me that "I don't like his family," that I try to get out of family gatherings all the time. It's to the point where I actively hate this time of year and dread it for months.

The bottom line? He has never stuck up for me with his family, and never will.

He needs to suck it up and be a man.

 

[21hens-incharge]

Good morning, all.

And thanks, Anansi.

He gets really defensive when I bring anything like that up, and he always insists that 1.) they didn't mean it; 2.) I am too sensitive; 3.) They are just different from my family; 4.) etc.

He actually thinks that his nephew thought it was "funny, like it was a joke" that he put that picture up. Really?! Ha ha, guess what--really not funny.

He is very passive when it comes to his family, he won't come right out and say "this was wrong, and you made Cindi feel like sh1t, and I'm not gonna stand for it anymore. She is my wife."

He said he will say something to his 83 year old mother, because she will say something to her sister, who will then say something to her son and his wfe. Really?! Be a man. Stick up for me. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would be right in that family member's face saying do not ever do something idiotic like that again, it is unacceptable.

But he doen't stand up for me with his family and he never has.

When we first got got together, he lived with me a year and a half before he told any of his family about me and where he was living (and I was a doctor, a vet, living in her own house that she bought after moving back to NJ, with a new job and a thousand bucks in her pocket. Not something to be ashamed of). And he finally told his mother about me, he had to write a letter to her to tell her he found someone he was in love with and was living with me. Couldn't say in person.

Because these are people who never talk about their feelings. They do not talk, in fact, about anything.

He gets mad at me when I get upset and turns it around on me that "I don't like his family," that I try to get out of family gatherings all the time. It's to the point where I actively hate this time of year and dread it for months.

The bottom line? He has never stuck up for me with his family, and never will.

Ha, I just remembered something else. The gift one year that one of his sisters made for him, which was a family scrapbook (of course, there were no pictures of me in it). Pictures of his kids when they were small, with his ex wife. His pregnant ex wife. His not pregnant ex wife.

And he wonders why I am bitter, why I collect injustices like a jar of tears. He doesn't see it. How can you not, I wonder? But he doesn't. And he just gets angry with me, and accuses me of starting a fight, or of "not being able to let stuff go."

Problem is, there's alot of stuff.

I am so sorry that his family was not raised to be thoughtful or considerate. He sounds WAY to passive.

I used to be super withdrawn, quiet, submissive etc. I guess the therapist did her job a little to well. I say what's on my mind and let the chips fall where they may,
crap still stings me but I sting back.

Knowing that about me gives perspective on any advice I toss out there.

I know it is not in your nature to tell people off. It appears it is not in your hubby's nature either.

There are hurts and insults that they dish out that you should not be expected to tolerate.

Meeting them on their ground with this thought......

Next time some picture of his ex pops up......
Just what I would say......
"You all must have really thought the world of her. I notice that her picture is pulled out often. It's such a shame you cannot feel that way about me. It makes it hard for me to feel wanted at these family gatherings when even though they have been divorced for such a long time she is still included even though she is not here. "

Then turn and walk away.

They can think it over, say negative crap, or be confrontational....... Brace for whatever may roll from it.
Nothing in what I typed should cause your hubs to have a tude.

 

[Suzi18]

Morning all

 

[Chickassan]

Good morning! Everyone is fed and out and it is 41 degrees, not too bad! I'm improving, still a little sniffly but much better.

 

[rjohns39]

Glad to hear you're on the up side.

 

[21hens-incharge]

Dog food recall for toxic levels of vitamin D.
https://www.fda.gov/AnimalVeterinar...538a1f&elqaid=6140&elqat=1&elqCampaignId=4977

I don't feed these brands. Thought others should see this recall.

 

[apryl29]

Although still being nice to me for some reason B. Pudding hates poor little Clayton. I’m apparently running thunder dome for chickens and she’s the reigning champ.
View attachment 1606479
And here’s the sign in daylight....
View attachment 1606478
Yes it’s snowing.

Holy wow! Is everyone ok? & the sign looks great!

OK, so here goes.

I'm gonna preface this by saying that I have been with my DH for 9 years tomorrow. A long time. I have been through a TON of crap with him--his son getting killed, my nephew getting killed, my mom dying, my house getting destroyed in Sandy, my crackup, job loss, you name it. My point is, we have history. And I am his WIFE. And all through it, I have never felt like his family has really liked or accepted me, although they are polite (they are WEIRD. Silent, noncommunicative, non-animal-loving not-my-people- kind of people).

So we went up north like an hour and a half yesterday for a surprise 50th anniversary party for his sister and her husband. It was thrown by DH's nephew and his wife, the anniversary couple's son. We gave them a nice chunk of change and a card and I took a Xanax beforehand (to deal with the stress of going, because I don't like being around that many people and a bunch of screaming kids and stuff). So I thought I was cool, it was all cool.

I go over by the buffet table and they have these clotheslines with all these old family photos strung up. And there staring me in the face, is DH'S WEDDING PICTURE WITH HIS EX WIFE. In her gown, he in his tux, all the old dead family members in the wedding party. Like--are you FREAKING. KIDDING. ME???!!!

Which is exactly what I said. Before I grabbed my beer and stood out on the front porch, fuming. He comes out a while later to see if I was OK, which I was not. He goes, "I told Michael (his nephew) and he covered her head with the clothespin." Frigging REALLY? I was like, I'm not coming in the house till that sh1t comes down, that is ridiculous and unacceptable (needless to say, there are no pics of me and him--nor am I ever invited to be in any of their family photos when they get together, something else that has always bothered me).He comes back out awhile later and says "they took it down. You can come in now." I did, I take another half Xanax, am still fuming and just want to go home.

When I go over to (surreptitiously, not) look and see if it is truly gone, Michael's wife makes some snide-azz remark like "oh we had to move the picture here" as she rearranged the clothespins. I said nothing, taking the high road. In fact, I said pretty much nothing for the rest of the (miserably too-long) evening. On the way home, when I got home, except to mention how totally hosed I think his family is. Then I went to bed. And cried.

I am still upset. Do you think I am overreacting? I don't want to go to any of the rest of their horrible holiday gatherings. They suck.

That's not the first time they've done stuff like that....

And now I feel like crying again. Except I'm mad. Still.


If you have been able to read this whole thing (I know, I know) I would really like your opinion. Thanks~ xo

So this is my story & opinion on this subject, take it as you wish...
That was my marriage. My ex's family hated me. I literally did nothing wrong, but the first time I met my future father in law he had a stick up his butt about me. Something about 'where I came from' was close to where he'd met my ex's mother (no matter that it wasn't the same place, but I digress). When my ex asked me to marry him, w/o getting his dad's input, my loser ex took me w/ him to tell his dad b/c he knew his dad would be mad (then why do it?!). His dad gave me a flower as a 'peace offering'. Peace offering?! I'd done nothing wrong. We got married in a beautiful Catholic church that his step-mom went to.. during the photos his dad made a gesture like he was going to push me down the steps. Again.. why? I'd done nothing wrong. When I was pregnant w/ my older daughter months later my ex's cousin was getting married. I assumed I was invited to the bridal shower w/ his mom. I bought them a gift & we came over to his parent's house the day of the shower. His mom told me that b/c my baby might be messed up (at that point we'd gotten back a test result that said she had calcium deposits in her heart and might have downs syndrome, though a blood test said she was fine) that they didn't want to invite me. I gave her my gift to give to them, smiled and said that's ok. I understand. It wasn't ok and I didn't understand. It was a rude and crappy thing to do. After my daughter was born my ex decided that he wanted to track down his mom. I helped, hoping that she would be nice and like me. I was wrong. They were just as horrible as his dad. We visited them once and they were taking pictures. I remember standing outside their house. My husband holding my daughter on his left arm. Me standing by his right. All smiling, together. They took the camera in and printed out the picture, then brought it out and gave him a copy. They'd cropped me out of it. It was a rude and crappy thing to do. I had literally done nothing wrong. When I got pregnant w/ my youngest I put a cute little shirt on my daughter that said Big Sister and sent her out to show them her new shirt. I watched through a mirror from another room. No smiles, just a look of disappointment. Later in the kitchen, my FIL asked my husband if 'he wanted this'.. later he suggested an abortion. What I didn't know was that my husband was an adulterer (the real kind where there's a bunch of women he'd been running around with) and he'd been telling his parents one thing, while reality was very different. I was not welcome with either part of his family, though I tried my hardest to make them like me. Crappy remarks, back handed compliments. When I was pregnant w/ my younger one we were at his parent's place for a graduation party for his mom who had finished nursing school. I was inside the play room w/ my oldest. She was playing w/ an elmo toy. His mom came up to us, took the toy and gave it to the woman she was talking to and said Thanks for letting them borrow it, they didn't need it anymore b/c their grandson was too old for it.. ignoring that she literally took it from her granddaughter's hands.
So yeah... 8 years of crap like this over and over again. One thing I learned was that my ex was NEVER going to stand up for me. Ever. I'll never know what kind of crap he told his parents. What stories he created to make them believe that I had trapped him and forced him to marry me (which couldn't be further from the truth). Or if his parent's concocted these stories on their own after their son didn't meet their exceptions and immediately blamed the harlot he was running around with. I just know that I never felt accepted in their family & that they went well out of their way to make me feel uncomfortable. After we separated he had the balls to tell me that his dad said I was doing a good job raising my kids. B/c apparently his approval was to mean everything to me. We were well past the point that his opinion mattered to me.
I'm not trying to make you feel like your husband doesn't love you, he's likely one of those guys who just wants to make everyone happy and you end up getting the short end of the stick every time b/c it's easier on him to piss off one person than 10. I totally get how you feel & you are justified in being upset b/c they could have easily cropped the photo so the deceased relatives photos would be saved. I don't blame you for not wanting to attend events with his family. No one should have to put up with that kind of attitude when they're just trying to have a nice time. You're fully justified in staying home and you shouldn't have to mince words about it. "I don't feel welcome, you should go, and have a nice time." And if someone happens to ask where you are he should say "She said she doesn't feel welcome.", naturally they'll say "I don't see why not" and all he has to say is "Really?" and walk away... b/c you're not the problem, they are. It's not that hard to be civil to someone. Of course he'd have to actually say these things, which in the spirit of keeping the peace he won't. The problem could be something so stupid as they liked his ex-wife and they're mad at you for it even though it's not your fault. So your husband needs to say to them "Tough taters, the ex is gone and Cindi is here to stay. You need to get over it, it's been 9+ years. Move on and start treating my wife like she's part of the family like I have for all the jerks you taters have married." It's really easy to be passive and be like Well this is only a problem once or twice a year. No, it's a problem all the time, it's only a problem for him once or twice a year. Either he's not paying attention or he's blind to it. Another idea that might work is for you to send them all a letter and explain to them how you feel unwelcome & that while they might not like you or are giving you grief b/c they liked hubby's ex they're forgetting that their son/brother made the decision to marry you and it's disrespectful to him to treat you this way (give examples & point out that you don't see any of the others getting this treatment). Even if they crap all over it, you tried. Make a copy and share it with your husband and see if he finally gets it.
(This was really hard to type b/c I wanted to use a lot of bad words in there and I couldn't... b/c "family site".)

I am on my Third solid ink printer. I have a colorqube 8700 that is used for the Department of English publications and flyers. It is very nice!

I'm dying of jealousy over here. They said it was "too expensive".

I would like to, but he always sticks up for them. He doesn't see it as intentional, he'll say they are just ignorant. And then he gets upset with me cuz I am upset.

When we first got together, for a long time his sister that same framed picture of them (wedding photo) on her wall. And it bothered me, to the point where I said something. They took it down (and probably talked about me behind my back, I'm sure).

They have NEVER included me in photos when we are all together and it always made me feel very left out. I hate getting my picture taken, ut still. My family would NEVER do stuff like that, we are loving and accepting and think of other people's feelings.

When DH and I were engaged and his son died, his ex wife made a stink and I was not allowed to sit next to him in the pew. His nasty ex flipped out on me at the repast while I was quietly eating my dinner,, and I ran out of there and hid outside, smoking and crying I was banned from the memorial service (and we broke up shortly after that, because I was done) . His family has always taken her side, even thouogh she is a horrible person. But she is the one who popped out all his kids and I never get to forget that.


My mom and my family were nothing but loving and kind to DH. I don't want to be around his family any more and he gets mad at me when I try to get out of gatherings. I hate this time of year.

When someone is considered "ignorant" then instead of allowing their ignorance to continue, one should educate them.

Offended! Stale or not those are some good crackers! Only offended because I don't have any.

Like you'd get any... you'd be mauled by chickens before the edge of one even passed your lips.

 

[staceyj]

I put 160lbs of stall pine pellets down. It’s less soupy. Not dry but less boot sucking.

I’m curious about this!
Do you mist it to expand the pellets or just let them absorb the moisture thats there?
Also how is it a little later on?
Does it decompose well?

My run is sand and dirt.
Needs some freshening but gosh I HATE lugging 50 lb bags of sand.
I need at least eight to make it worth the trouble.