Official Squatch Watchers

[pitbullmomma]

You guys.

I was ALMOST KILLED BY A ( mother-luvin', frickin', frackin') CHRISTMAS TREE TODAY.

I am not lying. I don't know if any of you used to watch "Six Feet Under" (if you haven't, grab some hootch and start binge-watching right now while you're snowed in wherever you are, cuz it is a great series that you need to see). But, like, when this happened, I saw my name and dates flashed up in the opening credits.

Which woulda been a fitting--and oh so ironic--demise. Considering how much I hate (despise, loathe, detest!) Christmas.

Details to follow...

 

[pitbullmomma]

So here's what happened.

I was driving to work this morning on the Garden State Parkway (or the GSP as us Jerseyans say). It is like the freaking Autobahn. You take your life into your hands when you drive it, but it's the only way to get up and down this stupid state. You can fly by the state troopers doing 90 and they don't even bat an eye, b/c you are just keeping up with traffic, although the speed limit is 65, which is a joke.

So I am talking to my hubby on the Bluetooth, toodling along at--I dunno--80 mph. All of a sudden--out of literally nowhere--a *Christmas tree* explodes out in front of me. It must have fallen off a truck. (Ok, but...WTF. It's almost February. Right?!)

This big log that was once part of the tree trunk goes right in front of my left front tire, I'm talking not a second to swerve. I yell "F***!!! F***!!" as I run over it and it immediately punctures my tire and destroys my rim. My hubby is like "Were you just in an accident?!" cuz he heard the thud (it was loud). No, I go, I just ran over a log from a Christmas tree. (?!?)

I pull over, heart thumping, put on my flashers, and eventually a state trooper comes by and asks me what's wrong. I go, It seems I just narrowly escaped death (what if it flew through my windshield? I would have been, like, decapitated) from a Christmas tree, officer. He goes, "Yeah, it was a Christmas tree. I just cleaned it off the road." (whoever dropped it just kept going, in true Jersey style, and left the exploded crap all over the road for a mile or two. B*stard!)

Anyway, long story short, hubby jacks up the car, takes off the tire, drives me to his mom's, and puts on this old donut tire from his 93 year old mother's Buick Century (2000 or 1900, I'm not sure which century really) that just happens to fit on my axle on my car, and I arrive to work almost two hours late, flashers on the whole time doing 60. Unbelievable.

My little sister laughed her azz off when I called and told her. She was like, "That's really messed up, and if you died I would have been sad, but in a couple years it would be a really good story, and I would chuckle as I told it." She is my favorite sister.

That's it. I'm alive, and so are you, if you are reading this. And that's a beautiful thing.

 

[Molpet]

So here's what happened.

I was driving to work this morning on the Garden State Parkway (or the GSP as us Jerseyans say). It is like the freaking Autobahn. You take your life into your hands when you drive it, but it's the only way to get up and down this stupid state. You can fly by the state troopers doing 90 and they don't even bat an eye, b/c you are just keeping up with traffic, although the speed limit is 65, which is a joke.

So I am talking to my hubby on the Bluetooth, toodling along at--I dunno--80 mph. All of a sudden--out of literally nowhere--a *Christmas tree* explodes out in front of me. It must have fallen off a truck. (Ok, but...WTF. It's almost February. Right?!)

This big log that was once part of the tree trunk goes right in front of my left front tire, I'm talking not a second to swerve. I yell "F***!!! F***!!" as I run over it and it immediately punctures my tire and destroys my rim. My hubby is like "Were you just in an accident?!" cuz he heard the thud (it was loud). No, I go, I just ran over a log from a Christmas tree. (?!?)

I pull over, heart thumping, put on my flashers, and eventually a state trooper comes by and asks me what's wrong. I go, It seems I just narrowly escaped death (what if it flew through my windshield? I would have been, like, decapitated) from a Christmas tree, officer. He goes, "Yeah, it was a Christmas tree. I just cleaned it off the road." (whoever dropped it just kept going, in true Jersey style, and left the exploded crap all over the road for a mile or two. B*stard!)

Anyway, long story short, he puts this old donut tire from his 93 year old mother's Buick Century (2000 or 1900, I'm not sure which century really) that just happens to fit on my axle on my car, and I arrive to work almost two hours late, flashers on the whole time doing 60. Unbelievable.

My little sister laughed her azz off when I called and told her. She was like, "That's really messed up, and if you died I would have been sad, but in a couple years it would be a really good story, and I would chickle as I told it." She is my favorite sister.

That's it. I'm alive, and so are you, if you are reading this. And that's a beautiful thing.

wow how freaky.. glad it just killed a wheel
yep will be a great and funny story.. later .. not so funny now

 

[21hens-incharge]

So here's what happened.

I was driving to work this morning on the Garden State Parkway (or the GSP as us Jerseyans say). It is like the freaking Autobahn. You take your life into your hands when you drive it, but it's the only way to get up and down this stupid state. You can fly by the state troopers doing 90 and they don't even bat an eye, b/c you are just keeping up with traffic, although the speed limit is 65, which is a joke.

So I am talking to my hubby on the Bluetooth, toodling along at--I dunno--80 mph. All of a sudden--out of literally nowhere--a *Christmas tree* explodes out in front of me. It must have fallen off a truck. (Ok, but...WTF. It's almost February. Right?!)

This big log that was once part of the tree trunk goes right in front of my left front tire, I'm talking not a second to swerve. I yell "F***!!! F***!!" as I run over it and it immediately punctures my tire and destroys my rim. My hubby is like "Were you just in an accident?!" cuz he heard the thud (it was loud). No, I go, I just ran over a log from a Christmas tree. (?!?)

I pull over, heart thumping, put on my flashers, and eventually a state trooper comes by and asks me what's wrong. I go, It seems I just narrowly escaped death (what if it flew through my windshield? I would have been, like, decapitated) from a Christmas tree, officer. He goes, "Yeah, it was a Christmas tree. I just cleaned it off the road." (whoever dropped it just kept going, in true Jersey style, and left the exploded crap all over the road for a mile or two. B*stard!)

Anyway, long story short, hubby jacks up the car, takes off the tire, drives me to his mom's, and puts on this old donut tire from his 93 year old mother's Buick Century (2000 or 1900, I'm not sure which century really) that just happens to fit on my axle on my car, and I arrive to work almost two hours late, flashers on the whole time doing 60. Unbelievable.

My little sister laughed her azz off when I called and told her. She was like, "That's really messed up, and if you died I would have been sad, but in a couple years it would be a really good story, and I would chickle as I told it." She is my favorite sister.

That's it. I'm alive, and so are you, if you are reading this. And that's a beautiful thing.

For NOT becoming a late Christmas causality!










No dying......We have been over this for Sam!

NO DYING! SERIOUSLY don't.

 

[pitbullmomma]

wow how freaky.. glad it just killed a wheel
yep will be a great and funny story.. later .. not so funny now

I know, right???!!

No, trust me, I was laughing when I got into work! It IS an excellent story, and I couldn't wait to tell it. I came in and immediately told my friend Joan-the-guidance-counselor (who is the only other semi-Jewish person I have ever known in my life) "You are not gonna believe this, but my semi-Jew, atheist azz just almost got killed by a FRIGGING CHRISTMAS TREE!!!" and then she tells me something similar happened to her last weekend. (again, ?!?!)

Why are people flying down the Parkway at the end of January with an UNSECURED CHRISTMAS TREE MISSILE in the back of their janky truck???!!!

And why, oh why, don't new cars come with a spare tire anymore? There is a hole for it in the trunk....but no tire. It's a conspiracy.

And even stranger...why does a donut from an old lady's 18 year old Buick fit my zippy little car? It makes no sense.

For real, my sister's response made me laugh till I cried. She is the BEST. So sarcastic. I love her.

 

[pitbullmomma]

For NOT becoming a late Christmas causality!










No dying......We have been over this for Sam!

NO DYING! SERIOUSLY don't.

OMG!!!! Two Squatchers almost wiped out in one week. Death by ladder/chainsaw, and death by Christmas tree. I don't know which is worse...

...And still, like the Grateful Dead, we just keep truckin' on.

High five to our impressive survival skills!

 

[FlyingNunFarm]

I know, right???!!

No, trust me, I was laughing when I got into work! It IS an excellent story, and I couldn't wait to tell it. I came in and immediately told my friend Joan-the-guidance-counselor (who is the only other semi-Jewish person I have ever known in my life) "You are not gonna believe this, but my semi-Jew, atheist azz just almost got killed by a FRIGGING CHRISTMAS TREE!!!" and then she tells me something similar happened to her last weekend. (again, ?!?!)

Why are people flying down the Parkway at the end of January with an UNSECURED CHRISTMAS TREE MISSILE in the back of their janky truck???!!!

And why, oh why, don't new cars come with a spare tire anymore? There is a hole for it in the trunk....but no tire. It's a conspiracy.

And even stranger...why does a donut from an old lady's 18 year old Buick fit my zippy little car? It makes no sense.

For real, my sister's response made me laugh till I cried. She is the BEST. So sarcastic. I love her.

I have a Kia Soul. It has 18" rims and thank God it came with a spare tire. Those are now considered a luxury item and only come with the higher end car packages. Seriously I think the base model of my car, which only comes in manual, has a can of fix a flat. I don't even think they give you a jack!

 

[Molpet]

I know, right???!!

No, trust me, I was laughing when I got into work! It IS an excellent story, and I couldn't wait to tell it. I came in and immediately told my friend Joan-the-guidance-counselor (who is the only other semi-Jewish person I have ever known in my life) "You are not gonna believe this, but my semi-Jew, atheist azz just almost got killed by a FRIGGING CHRISTMAS TREE!!!" and then she tells me something similar happened to her last weekend. (again, ?!?!)

Why are people flying down the Parkway at the end of January with an UNSECURED CHRISTMAS TREE MISSILE in the back of their janky truck???!!!

And why, oh why, don't new cars come with a spare tire anymore? There is a hole for it in the trunk....but no tire. It's a conspiracy.

And even stranger...why does a donut from an old lady's 18 year old Buick fit my zippy little car? It makes no sense.

For real, my sister's response made me laugh till I cried. She is the BEST. So sarcastic. I love her.

whoa lots of people taking their trees to dump/recycle and trying to kill semi-jews to boot

no spare to save on weight and increase gas mileage.. some have an air compressor. but most have a can of fix a flat.

 

[FlyingNunFarm]

Soooooo I set up this crazy contraption in my coop today. It's a trash can heater!
31 gal galvanized trash can. Set up on 2 cinder blocks. Then 50 lbs of play sand in the bottom with 3 old school oil lamps lit inside. Holes drilled around the top and bottom for air flow.
My coop temp went up. Not much but up. And its warm when you stand next to it. Or on it like the chickens are sure to.
Fingers crossed for non frozen chickens!

 

[Redhead Rae]

Today, too many parents defer parenting to the schools and too many administrations believe that's the way it ought to be. Whoa be the parent who expects the system to follow their wishes and expectations. Sorry for the rant

Just one of the MANY reasons ALL the Things will be home schooled.

plot thickens on not so old guy i was helping...no so blind
Between storms I did go over to help him do laundry.
not so blind because he told me I was going to punch the wrong button to start the dryer I was heading to the far left button for the time( which we had just set) and on the far right is the button marked start. He claims he is totally blind I didn't call him out on it. I had a sweat shirt on that didn't make any noise when I moved, so he didn't hear the difference... and we were in a basement with a light on behind us

I explained to him that I can't come when it snows or it's below zero because I have drives to plow and eggs to get before they freeze. I told him this several days before the first storm.. and...every..single ...day since
I did say I would call every morning... every day he wants me to come over... every day he complains about the same past offenses and that no one will come over to help him.... upon further conversation someone is over most days, but nothing is done right.


oh I plowed his drive last winter, but in the summer he put up a pair of 4' gates so the guy upstairs couldn't park in the drive. I have an 7 1/2' plow and can't make the swing now on the narrow in town street... he also put flagstone between the entrance and where the upstair guy parks, so I can't plow the street side parking... he says the upstairs guy is a jerk.. ummm

house was his parents and is in a sisters name. I think she is paying the taxes/utilities and needs the upstairs guys rent... I bet it will not be too long before they put him in a home.
oh the upstairs guy is an elder in his church
and I wondered why the church wasn't helping him more, they send someone every 3 days... yesterday they sent someone to go get his RX's, but he didn't have them put it in the day of the week pill holder.. he thought I could come over and do that today...blowing snow and zero when I called at 11... I don't think so... told him Sunday it would be a week before the weather cleared enough for me to come over.

My paternal grandmother was like this. She was diabetic and supposedly legally blind, but she could spot the tiniest stain on our clothing and nag my mom about it.