So I've been walking around since around 4:30 this morning thinking on things to be grateful for, trying to keep my mind in a positive light. Strangely some of the things I am most grateful for are the less positive things that have happened in my life.
For instance I am grateful of my past medical troubles. It challenged and changed almost everything I knew, who I was, and now am.

I used to drink a lot. I wouldn't have said I was an alcoholic, but some others may have. I drank on average 1-2 quarts of beer daily. Never really went on crazy weekend benders, just consistent drinking. When my health went south and I had to quite, it was not hard and was cold turkey (among with food and all ;) ).

By the time it was all said and done it had been around 2 years since I had a beer, and I was ready to reward myself. I had just got off the anti-fungal meds, no more antibodies, no more drugs. I wanted a beer. I took the first sip and it was such a disappointment. I didn't even drink it, and the rest of the pack slowly disappeared as guests drank it.

The strange thing about it was there was no great moment that made a direct change. It wasn't something I was trying to do. I just didn't like it anymore. I even missed having a beer with the guys for a while. Now it's just a part of my past, but had it never changed I'd likely be in a worse place than I am today. For that I'm grateful.
 
After my third surgery I was not in a stable condition. It was an emergency surgery for a rupture that I went septic from. I was in the critical care unit (ccu is a step below icu). I was wired up with so many tubes and censors it was like being in a web. With the condition I was in I was not allowed to have contact with Xaiden for two weeks. He could have got me sick, and I might not have been able to fight it off.

I had already had 3 surgeries, 2 being emergencies, 2 blood transfusions, I was on my 3rd round of no food for 2+ weeks, and spent most of the last 3 months in a hospital bed. I had already faced some hard times because of the situation, but not being in contact with my son was the worse of it all. He was a big part of my support group, and it broke my spirit.

I can't really put in to words what it was like when we where allowed contact again. Xaiden just snuggled up to me and started talking. He told me he missed me, and that he loved me. That I need to take my vitamins so I could get strong again and come home. He said all the cute stuff that I really needed to hear. It did something that no medicine or doctor could ever do. My mental health was struggling at this time, and I was loosing hope fast. He gave me a good reason to keep fighting. He's what gave me hope.

My surgeon saw how it impacted me, and later shared some charts with me. It was mostly gibberish to me, but he explained the timeline of my 3 different recovery periods, and from that day with Xaiden forward, I had my fastest recovery time yet.

He'll probably never really understand what he did for me, but it's something I'll always cherish.
 
For something a a little fluffier. I cleaned out the light Brahma chicks box today. I added in a little roost for them to start training with, and a little shadow hut so to say. I also added three box "shield" around their food. They like to make a mess and just kick it in the bedding.
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It is the bad things that happen and the mistakes we have made that make us into who we are today.

Never giving up, doing what it takes to survive makes one a better person.


Which is another reason I am on all of you to dump the dux!!

It will be like that beer, something that is not as great as you remember it once they are extinct.

I am a heavy drinker. I think I had 2 beers in the last year and threw out half of them. I did have 3-4 wine coolers though.... I know, I drink like a girl.

now dump the dux!
 
It is the bad things that happen and the mistakes we have made that make us into who we are today.

Never giving up, doing what it takes to survive makes one a better person.


Which is another reason I am on all of you to dump the dux!!

It will be like that beer, something that is not as great as you remember it once they are extinct.

I am a heavy drinker. I think I had 2 beers in the last year and threw out half of them. I did have 3-4 wine coolers though.... I know, I drink like a girl.

now dump the dux!
My brother and his girlfriend are dux haters So you can't take them, if you wish. She is obsessively talking about bobcats eating them, she's weird.. But she ain't old like Ralphie :p
 

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