Husband is cheep cheep

[Auntiejessi3]

I love my husband dearly but hes so cheap! We do not have trash pick up at our home because he doesnt want to pay 30 bucks a month for trash services when we can just put it in his parents trash bin. I've been dealing with this annoyance since before we were married. We dont generate that much garbage, probably 2 bags a month. But every time we have a bag I have to drive it to his parents house and then they want to talk at me for upwards of 2 hours. Because of this it takes a huge chunk out of my day. In addition I have to drive recycling to the recycling center about once a week or it piles up in my kitchen. Plus I think his folks are beginning to get annoyed with it. His mom complained that the last time we brought garbage it stunk up her can. I finally got him thinking about it but hes being stubborn. I'm at a loss right now as to how to bring it up again.Any advice is appreciated!

Just stop messing with it and let it pile up, if he doesn't want to pay for service he can dump it himself

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

Got home from work today and found hubby on the couch with the dog. He got off work about an hour before I got home. Didnt take the dog potty, chicken chores were not done and didnt take the garbage. When I asked him why he hadnt taken the garbage he said "well I thought youd want to go with". I must admit...I lost my patience. I screamed at him "i dont have time for that. Why would I want to come with when I just got home and have to do everything?" Ok...my language was a biiiiit more colorful. I went out in the rain grumbling to myself while I did my chores. Dog went potty right away and when I knocked on the door to get him to wipe the dog paws he had me wait for his show to go to commercial. I set the eggs down and when he opened the door they all fell to the ground. I just kept getting madder and madder. Luckily when I came in he left with the garbage because I need to calm down. I mean...seriously? Why would I want to come WITH to drop off garbage when we JUST talked about me wanting garbage pickup???? Why are men so dense?

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

Well, I tried the "trade agreement" idea. It did not work. He ultimately said if I can give him an analysis of gas it might be worth it but the answer is no. I even tried negotiating to clean the catbox daily and he refused. He's so stubborn. I'm trying so hard to be a good wife but I feel that I'm not getting through to him in regards to my wants and needs. Am I doing something wrong?

 

[BirdsBeesTrees]

I would just pile it outside and refuse to take it anywhere. That's me, I play hardball when push comes to shove.

 

[BigBlueHen53]

Well, I tried the "trade agreement" idea. It did not work. He ultimately said if I can give him an analysis of gas it might be worth it but the answer is no. I even tried negotiating to clean the catbox daily and he refused. He's so stubborn. I'm trying so hard to be a good wife but I feel that I'm not getting through to him in regards to my wants and needs. Am I doing something wrong?

Yes. You are allowing yourself to be treated like this. Stop it. I agree with the poster above who said, just stop taking care of the trash. Let it be his problem. Let him deal with it. You're doing all the work of trying to solve this problem. You're talking, he's ignoring. You're trying to negotiate and he doesn't care. Why don't you just call the trash company and set up an account? You work, don't you? You can afford $30 a month surely. That's the cost of a couple of hamburgers and a pizza. And it'll save you in gas, as another poster said, not to mention the aggravation. Good luck. Take care of yourself. Just because he's a man doesn't mean he gets to make all the decisions. Good grief, woman, why do you think my generation burned our bras?

 

[Tonyroo]

So sorry your husband is denser than bricks. I can relate to the stubborn part, so I would start an argument on purpose to get my point out, with a sprinkle of idle threats. lol.

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

Yes. You are allowing yourself to be treated like this. Stop it. I agree with the poster above who said, just stop taking care of the trash. Let it be his problem. Let him deal with it. You're doing all the work of trying to solve this problem. You're talking, he's ignoring. You're trying to negotiate and he doesn't care. Why don't you just call the trash company and set up an account? You work, don't you? You can afford $30 a month surely. That's the cost of a couple of hamburgers and a pizza. And it'll save you in gas, as another poster said, not to mention the aggravation. Good luck. Take care of yourself. Just because he's a man doesn't mean he gets to make all the decisions. Good grief, woman, why do you think my generation burned our bras?

We got into a huge arguement about it to the point that I felt directly insulted because he said " why is it that every 28 days we argue?" That's not factual, thats his assuming my menses are coming. Ive been tracking them since we decided on having kids next year and as of this moment im late. I'm hoping my cycle is off but idk.

 

[Tonyroo]

BTW, your way too agreeable and nice about it. It's no wonder your husband is holding his ground. Hope there's a resolution for both of you.

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

BTW, your way too agreeable and nice about it. It's no wonder your husband is holding his ground. Hope there's a resolution for both of you.

We've been together for 11 years before we decided to get married. I guess this lead to me putting up with alot beforehand. I ended the arguement by saying "ive put up with this for a long time to the point where it has become an issue and will be in the future. Please reconsider this."

 

[Isadora]

I'm not saying your husband's behavior is right, but let's say he doesn't cave if you refuse to take the trash. Is this a hill you want to die on? Is it worth all the tension and stress on your relationship?
I know you're newly married and there can be a lot of frustrations in the beginning, but I have found that things like this, frustrating as they may be, will not get better and will not improve your marriage if you dig your heels in, even if you're "right".
I'll share a little story, if you'll indulge me. I'll preface if by saying I'm a Christian and a stay at home mom, as that makes a difference in my perspective.
I had approached my husband a couple years ago about the idea of donating most of the kids clothes after they outgrew them. For whatever reason, going through all their clothes, sorting and bagging and organizing by size to pack for later gave me such angst. I'm not a very organized person and it was something I avoided doing until I couldn't anymore. We buy almost all the kids clothes second hand, and they are all still very young, so to buy them a few new pieces every season would not be expensive. He said no, he didn't want to waste money. I had brought up the subject with him a couple of times after that, because of the amount of angst it gave me, and his answer was always no.
I decided I wasn't going to bring it up again but I was going to pray about it, either that God would change his mind, or that I could get my act together and learn to manage it better.
He told me a couple days ago, out of the blue, that he changed his mind! ( We've been all working on reducing the amount of clutter in the house and he realized how much space and time saving all the clothes was taking) Truly a miracle. I don't think he would have come to that conclusion if I had kept bugging him about it, or was manipulative, or refused to do it.
I'm very sorry you're dealing with this. Relationships can be complicated, and I think your situation is more so because his parents are involved. I hope you can work something out.