Hey Henny.
I hope you are feeling a tiny bit better about your baby. I'm still so sorry....it sucks.
They honestly are not passive aggressive, I think they are just ignorant, really. I should have said all that I said YEARS ago. But I didn't, and I seethed for a long time, and was beyond pissed every time my hubby never stood up for me. He is very passive when it comes to his family, is very old school Italian, and that is not an excuse.
If he wasn't so good to me in so many other ways I probably would not have stayed with him. But he is, really.
I did tell him --and his mother--exactly what you wrote above. That I love him, BUT I am not going to participate in any of his Christmas gatherings this year. That I am sorry, but I will not be going to any of their stuff. And if and when I do, that will be *my* decision.