Fluffy Butt Acres: Stories of our flock

[BY Bob]

Hahaha, like our concrete area outside the back glass door. Why does no one warn you about the poop?! It’s just so, so much and stepping in a cecal poop (or seeing the dog eat one)
No kisses from Mr Scrambles that day

The dog eating poo thing just grosses me out. Bill Engvall used to do a bit where he discussed how the vet gave him something to sprinkle on poop to make it taste bad so the dog wouldn't eat it. Make poop taste bad! What is that stuff!?

Chicken tax

 

[FransGran]

You've got a Donk look alike in there!

Which one? I’m sorry, I can’t recall what she looks like!

That triggered a visceral reaction in me based on an experience of the last big snow and blizzard we had here a couple of years ago.
Will you forgive me a long story? I will pay chicken tax, and feel free to skip over it!
Let's call the story: 7 ways to die
SPOILER ALERT - I actually survived to tell the tale.
The storm was supposed to start at about 4pm and I was on an overnight business trip in NY the night before. I left NY in plenty of time (around noon). There was no snow and I was sensibly dressed for a business meeting and had an overnight bag.
I took a car service from NY to NJ.
As soon as we emerged on the NJ side of the river it was clear that the storm was somewhat different in NJ. Complete white-out. We drove very slowly. Nonetheless the driver lost control of the vehicle multiple times raising the distinct possibility that I would die in a multi-car pile-up on the NJ Turnpike. Way to die #1.
Eventually we got to within about a half mile or less of my home and there was a huge tree down with an electric wire snaking across the road. The driver could go no further. No problem I say! I know where I am I will walk the rest of the way - and out I got. I figured I could bend down and pass under the fallen tree at the roots end staying well away from the wire and not even touch the tree (and isn't wood an insulator anyway?!). As soon as I got out of the car I saw the error of my ways - my glasses don't have windshield wipers. I could barely see the tree let alone the wire. I was bound to get electrocuted as I stumbled around on the road. Way to die #2.
But I made it past the obstacle and proceeded in the general direction of my home enjoying the amazing peace and quiet of deeply falling snow. Beautiful to be out in nature in the snow. And then I heard the cracks like gunfire and I thought it must be hunters and there I was stumbling through the woods and I was bound to get shot. Way to die #3.
Then I realized that both deer and hunters were sensibly not out in the blizzard and the noise was huge tree limbs falling under the weight of the snow. And there I was in the woods and they were falling randomly around me. I was bound to get crushed by a falling tree limb. Way to die #4.
So I try to figure out whether it is safer to walk hugging the tree trunks because the branches might miss me, or as far out as possible because the falling branches would smaller. I aimed for trees that looked younger and hopefully less likely to break. Based on all that I decide to leave the road through the woods and go cross country to get to open meadow as fast as possible. And I come out in the meadow (the same one where the foxes now lurk watching the Chicken Palace) and once out of the woods the snow is up to the top of my thighs and I am not so much walking as wading through it. And if you have ever done that it is really hard work. And I am getting seriously short of puff and I realize that an out of shape older lady was bound to have a heart attack with this much exertion combined with a dose of fear. Way to die #5.
But I keep on going and force myself to stop every 3-4 paces and count to 10 in order to 'rest', and I do well until I take a step and my leg goes down a rabbit hole and I am flat on my face in a snow drift and I realize I am bound to break a leg and be unable to stand and will be discovered only when the snow melts. Way to die #6.
But I manage to pull my leg out of the rabbit hole and somehow get myself upright and I keep going. But by now the blizzard is in full force and I can't see a single recognizable landmark. I cannot see the roof of my house which must be 'just there' or possibly 'just back there'. I have huge trees and I can't see a single one. I was too stupid to remember that my smart-phone has a compass app, so I was destined to walk in circles until I was exhausted. Way to die #7.
Then suddenly there I was at my back door - I nearly crashed into it as I didn't see the house looming. So with great relief I go feeling pretty pleased with myself that I have cheated death 7 times and my smart watch buzzes encouragingly to say I have only 5 minutes to keep going in order to complete my 30 minutes of exercise for the day.
And from that I have learned to just stay home in a blizzard!

I read this aloud here to my child and we were both amazed! What a story! Thank goodness you made it.

 

[BY Bob]

Which one? I’m sorry, I can’t recall what she looks like!

I read this aloud here to my child and we were both amazed! What a story! Thank goodness you made it.

It is very well written. The suspense is there. I feel like I am trudging along with her.

 

[FransGran]

This Donk, daughter of Dink, granddaughter of Cheepy and mother of Knock. She's a pro tree hugger. I took her mother (Dink) out of a tree at dusk for a bit over five years. She would go into the coop if it was raining, snowing or very high winds and strangely, a couple of nights before she planned to sit.
You can divert Donk and she will go in. But, if you don't shut her in she has this habit of slipping back out while your getting the others to roost. I have never managed to catch or handle Donk during the day and she holds the record for longest and highest flight. She has launched herself from the edge of the sheep field bank and flown right over the main house and down to the donkey field, some 250 metres.
View attachment 2014832

Found her! <3

 

[Marie2020]

I think I may be owing this entertaining informative amazing thread chicken tax.

The cheeky girls had all their food plus and more plus, then they decided because the weather is yuk and they are bored it's all my fault so start to protest.
Sadly I'm not the worlds best photographer and I do not possess a camera and only just caught them faking it wasn't them making all that noise... So they got their treats, they beat me everytime

 

[RoyalChick]

It is Caturday morning and it appears that getting out of bed is not on the approved list of activities for me. It’s a hard life!

 

[Marie2020]

@RoyalChick
My cat decided a few day's back he was going to live the outdoors life again.
So claimed a particular box for his protection from the heavy rain beating down on our widows. He has four beds a sheepskin rug, a wool pillow and a rug out in the hall but forsomereason he's most comfortable a few feet away from the heater, in his outside all protective survival box.

We all know he's a tough cookie but even the toughest of us need too snuggle at times.

 

[BY Bob]

@RoyalChick
My cat decided a few day's back he was going to live the outdoors life again.
So claimed a particular box for his protection from the heavy rain beating down on our widows. He has four beds a sheepskin rug, a wool pillow and a rug out in the hall but forsomereason he's most comfortable a few feet away from the heater, in his outside all protective survival box.

View attachment 2508714

We all know he's a tough cookie but even the toughest of us need too snuggle at times.

There is nothing like a good survival box!

 

[Marie2020]

Chickens tax

 

[BY Bob]

FYI: my Caturday post is on Ribh's thread.