Hi Squatchers! Just popping in real quick...
Going back to work (aka "The Hellhole") tomorrow.
I spent the day cleaning, making soup, reading, and reflecting. I feel good: mentally and physically healthy, and rested. It has been a good 10 days off. I have not taken Xanax or Ambien. I've been sleeping great, no more nightmares or waking up three times a night.
These ten days have given me time, space, and perspective. I feel strong. I am not ever letting anyone--or any institution--steal my self-respect, and allow me to feel "less than," shitty, and filled with self-doubt ever again.
No job--or person--will ever have that power over my self-worth. Never. Again.
It is a new year. I've sent out my request for a transfer. I expect--fully--I will not get it. I typed out my resignation letter to give them, when they refuse my request. I have a bright, shiny, glittery red manicure, with my middle finger accented, so if I start to feel doubtful, insecure, unworthy? I can look at my "Phuck You" finger and smile.
It's a new year, and I'm going into it without a net. With nothing but the knowledge that whatever happens, I'll be OK. Because I can do this. I've got this. I know I can.
Happy New Year, y'all.